I know full well that I am bad at communicating how I feel, or at least I do now.
I had never been told this before, but now I have been told I notice it almost every day. When I choose to leave a room in silence instead of fill it with pointless conversation it makes me double think, maybe I do need to be able to constantly talk about anything and everything for people to be able to understand what I’m thinking.
I’ve just never felt the need to be like this, unless I’ve known someone for years and I am totally comfortable with them I don’t see the need to vocalise my every thought.
But yet, when other people stop talking I worry. I worry that I’ve done something wrong or that I’ve upset someone. I need other people to constantly talk to me to provide me with some kind of reassurance that I’m doing the right things and I haven’t upset them.
Surely this should be my wake up call to think that other people feel like this as well, maybe people around me constantly think they’ve upset me or are doing the wrong thing because I don’t feel the need to speak all the time.
I don’t want people to feel that way, but I have always felt that unless I have something to say I shouldn’t bother saying anything at all. I just don’t know what to do to fix it, how is it even possible to change a behaviour that you’ve been used to for your whole life. It seems to me almost impossible, but I’ll try. Because I want people around me to know how I feel without me just expecting them to read my mind.