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What you should’ve said

If you had the guts, maybe you would have told him face to face, maybe if you weren’t so scared about putting your neck on the line you would have pulled him aside and told him everything and you wouldn’t have even given a second thought to the consequences?

But this is real life and it isn’t that simple.

When you’re worried about opening up to people you don’t tend to put your heart on the line.

Actions have consequences and words can stay with someone for a very long time, maybe if you could tell someone how you feel and then instantly wipe their memory it would make things easier?

So in this pretend scenario where you’re not a coward and you’re not scared to take things into your own hands, maybe this is what you would have told him:

Maybe you would have told him that being around him makes you happy, that waking up and knowing that you’re seeing him makes your day feel less heavy.

You could have told him that in the moment when he does things that are a bit unconventional you just end up fancying him more, things that other people find weird and make them describe him as an introvert actually make you wonder if he’s got a space for you in his closed off world that not many people make the cut into.

Maybe you’d have said that if you were make him laugh every day then you would, because his laugh is infectious and makes you smile in a way that very few other things do.

Maybe you could have told him that he shouldn’t ignore how he feels about you because you feel exactly the same and what he’s tried to shrug off as a meaningless crush is actually deeper than that, even if he tries to convince himself it isn’t.

You could’ve said that when you see his name pop up on your phone first thing in the morning and as soon as you finish work, it makes you almost miss seeing his face because when he texts you stupid things that make you laugh you wish you could see the facial expressions he’s pulling, because his overly expressive face just makes everything seem even more funny.

You should have told him you liked him, but maybe it was more than that. You should have told him that you can feel electricity when you’re in touching distance of him, you should have told him that you can stop thinking about him grabbing your waist and kissing your neck, that after that one time it’s all you’ve been able to think about ever since and maybe that’s fuc**d up! Or maybe this is just what totally undiluted lust feels like?

Maybe you would’ve said that he’s not your type and that’s why this is so confusing for you because your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another, but sometimes people are so similar it’s scary.

You could’ve told him that no one understands the controversial opinions you have like he does and no one listens to them while sharing similar opinions like him, no one gets it quite like he does.

Maybe you should’ve told him that you understand that the timing is wrong and that you’ve crossed paths at the worst point in both your lives, but you really hope that your paths cross again in the future.

There’s a lot you would’ve told him if you’d had the guts …. but you didn’t.

And now you’ll just have to hold on to your “what if” and the hope that this isn’t the end of it.

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Office romances

Maybe you guys like each other so much because work is like a bubble.

You’re in this place that gives you a common ground, there’s no weird awkward first dates and there’s no hoping that despite the fact you work in totally different industries you’ll have something in common.

Working in marketing and dating someone in finance for example is always going to have its struggles, because it will be hard to understand each other’s work, there’s no mutual understanding of what that other person has experienced mon – fri, and we can try and understand the stresses each other go through but how much can we really get it?

When you work together you know what each other have been through that day, you can go home and discuss the trials and tribulations of your joint workplace and job role and there will be no “fake understanding” of how each other’s weekdays have panned out.

A work place romance can provide you with just the right amount of distraction, what was once a boring 9-5 is now full of secret back and forward messages and inside jokes that no one gets apart from the two of you. You get to sit at your desk just metres apart knowing that while you’re having conversations with everyone around you, you also get to message each other and talk just the two of you and that fills you with a sense of excitement.

Maybe no one else around you knows? Or maybe you think they don’t … but then that’s the problem, because people around you will be able to feel the tension between you both just as much as you can. As if something is bubbling just under the surface waiting to happen.

You spend more time with your work colleagues than anyone else, so maybe that’s why it’s so easy to get caught up in an office romance? Maybe it’s just something that you’ve got used to giving your time to?

Office romances can provide you with an escape when your day gets tough, you can message each other back and forward without worrying that one of you won’t understand because both of you have been there and lived it.

But how do you ignore it when you know it can’t be real romance, how do you squash sexual tension with someone you’re with constantly and most of all how do you pretend like you don’t get on and enjoy being around each other?

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This is what heartbreak looks like

Who knew this is what heartbreak looks like.

Heartbreak has the most beautiful brown eyes and hair so soft you want to run your hands through it every day for the rest of your life. But you can’t keep him, he’s going to break your heart.

Heartbreak tells you the most convincing lies, it’s love he tells you. Everything he does is because he loves you. Poisonous words dressed up as something you need, something you want to keep listening to for the rest of your life. You’ll be able to listen to him for the rest of your life he tells you, but heartbreak is the best liar you’ll ever meet. So convincing, you even start to question if in fact you’re the bad and he’s the good.

Heartbreak needs your attention to make him feel validated. But he doesn’t just need your attention, he needs attention from anyone who will give it and this is why he will end up breaking your heart.

Heartbreak will take your hand and show you off to his friends and family, he likes people knowing that you’re with him. He’ll treat you like the best thing in the world until you’re not anymore.

Heartbreak is handsome and dominant, he loves knowing he makes you feel safe, until he decides he doesn’t want to anymore.

True heartbreak will generate electricity when he touches your skin, and you’ll forever be looking for that spark in a place where your heart is safe. But nothing can awaken your body like heartbreak does.

They teach you to look out for heartbreak but I guess we never expect him to be wrapped in such a charming package, one that you look for on every street, every train and in every passing car.

We can move on from heartbreak, but we can never forget him.

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Do you want to know?

When you look at me is it because you want to know what it feels like to kiss me?

Do you want to know what it feels like to put your hand on my waist as you pull me in closer to you? Do you want to know if you’d be able to make my heart race faster just be breaking all of the rules of ‘space’ we have to have between us.

Do you every try to remember how my skin feels against your lips as you kiss my neck, maybe you could still smell my perfume, or maybe you were too drunk to even notice?

Do you want to find out what it feels like to kiss me before you disappear for good?

Do you want to know what I think? Because I’m thinking about you and how I think you’d kiss me with a sense of urgency, I think it would be like that because you’d have lost the control you’ve been trying so hard to have over not wanting me anymore.

Repressed desire always has a way of sneaking out in the end, but maybe since we only have one opportunity to let it run away with us that makes it ok?

Do you want to lose control for one evening and let yourself think about me? Even though I know how hard you’ve been trying not to.

Would kissing me ruin it for you? This fake sense of control you’ve given yourself.

This evening could be ours, no one else would have to know. Maybe we can let these last few hours wash over us as if no one else was here, because if no one else was here what would you want to do?

Do you still want to know what it would feel like to have me in whatever way you desired most? It’s ok, she doesn’t have to know.

We won’t have to see each other again after tonight so maybe you want to find out what it’s like to kiss me and I mean really kiss me, do you want to know what I think should happen? I think you should lead me away from everyone else and lean in slightly too close to me, just to find out what would happen next.

If you still want to know what it’s like to kiss me, then you should do it on your final few hours when we won’t have to see each other again afterwards, that way looking at me the next day won’t remind you that you have to feel guilty.

So do you want to know what I think? I think you should do it while you still have the chance.

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How ‘Falling Inn Love’ is giving us unrealistic expectations

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If you’re a Netfilx subscriber I’m sure you’ll have seen the latest ‘must watch’ Netflix original film that is ‘Falling Inn Love’ the beautifully romantic story of an American woman who wins a property in New Zealand and her venture to flip the property while trying not to fall in love with the local eye candy.

Cute, right?

But watching it from the perspective of someone who is considering to emigrate half way across the world I guess the one burning question I have is, WHERE WAS HER VISA STRUGGLE?! I mean seriously, it’s great and everything but falling in love with someone who lives in a different country is not going to be without it’s difficulties, so why does this film end on a note where we just assume she gets granted residency in New Zealand because she’s now the owner of an inn and a new boyfriend?

Wouldn’t it be great if as soon as we moved anywhere new and out of our comfort zone, that immediately the most eligible bachelor for that area falls into our arms and despite the fact that he’s been shut off to the world because of some emotional trauma he’s been through, that you, the newbie, the fresh face, the one who knows absolutely nothing about this new place you’ve thrown yourself into … catches his eye almost immediately despite your obvious character differences. Please excuse me while I sip on my ‘wishful thinking’ juice.

But aside from all that, where is her family in all of this? I mean seriously, we get that she went through a traumatic break up with a guy she was still in love with and don’t even get me started on that because honestly, if you’ve just broken up with someone you’re still in love with I can tell you as a fact you’ll find it impossible to ignore their calls and pretend that they don’t exist.

The whole fact that this girl has moved away from everyone she loves into a place that is basically a building site and has no sign of being homesick, well I feel like the whole thing has been hit with the UNREALISTIC stick.

I think it gives us women unrealistic expectations that we’re supposed to be ok every single day after we’ve moved away from everything we know, but actually I think this film is forgetting to address the fact that maybe everything won’t land in your lap when you emigrate, and actually it’s ok to be homesick and miss the people who are familiar to you, down days are ok but so is pushing yourself to keep trying something new.

Sometimes love isn’t enough to make you stay somewhere, but also if you do fall for someone in a different country it doesn’t mean that they can’t move and be with you if you decide to go for that amazing job opportunity back home. Sometimes emigrating is hard, but falling in love with someone who lives half way around the world from you is going to be even harder, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever.

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Swings and roundabouts

Just like the story of Romeo and Juliet, but the edited version … where Romeo is a complete twat and Juliet is a needy bitch.

Oh and the fact that hopefully no one will die, except apparently it is possible to die of a broken heart and maybe just maybe that’s how this will end.

This story that’s going round and round, this stupid modern day romance story, where a happy ending is looking less and less likely because we have countless options of our fairy tale ending right at our finger tips.

Neither of you want the other at the right time and when one of you is falling hard the other one is shutting off faster than a fat man at a juice detox retreat. Because what’s more gross than when one person has feelings and the other one doesn’t (ew, cringe)

Remember as children we’re always told ‘oh you just want that because you can’t have it‘ well guess what … adults get that as well! Except it’s less likely to be with material objects and tends to be more with wanting attention from people we can’t get it from.

And that’s where we get back to “our story” because you’ll only want me when I’m pulling away from you and, to be fair this is where we’re the same and it is what I would class as our downfall.


The equation of you and me:

You + wanting me = me not wanting you + you getting bored = you giving less attention

(You – your undivided attention = me wanting you) = Me + wanting you = you not wanting me


I could be driving myself crazy being head over heels in love with you (and trust me I know because I have been) but because I feel like that we both know you’ll be pulling away at a rate of knots! It’s all so tragic and romantic (not).

Oh modern love! Aren’t you awful and disgusting! I wish we could go back to the era of our grandparents where you married your childhood sweetheart and stayed together forever, but nope. That’s not how life really works anymore.

So how does this compare to Romeo and Juliet? Well, it’s tragic isn’t it? Paired with the swings and roundabout leading to continuous heart break and external forces keeping two people apart.

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That wasn’t a real friendship

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‘I’m so glad we’re friends’ ‘we get along so well’ ‘you’re a great friend’ …. I call bullshit.

I have to doubt if that was a real friendship at all, because you don’t delete your ‘friends’ off of social media and not talk to them without any explanation for the whole entirety of your new relationship if you really did feel lucky to have them in your life.

And you know what, I don’t want to be friends with someone who only pops back into my life when it’s convenient for them or they haven’t got anything else to take their time up with.

So quite frankly, you can shove your so called ‘friendship’ into that box with your failed relationship. Because all my other friends, respect me more than to just bow out my life for 9 months at a time when I’m no longer convenient for them.

Ultimately that is what it comes down to, respect for another person. I’ve been shown a clear sign that you didn’t respect me enough to even let me know what had happened not even a ‘my girlfriend doesn’t like us being friends’ and to be honest, that is some seriously crap behaviour.

Us girls, we get it. I’m sure it’s hard getting into a new relationship and then having to explain to the new love of your life (pfffttt) that you have female friends, it’s hard because girls get jealous and it makes us feel insecure when our boyfriends have female friends who they enjoy speaking to.

But it’s the same with guys, boyfriends tend to find it VERY difficult when their girlfriends have guy mates, because a bond like that creates jealousy and jealousy creates relationship tensions, so we feel like it’s easier to cut out our friends of the opposite sex.

I can’t even sit here and pretend like I’m angry because I’m not, I don’t care enough to be angry. You wanted to cut me out and that’s what you managed to do, so this is me saying, it was fine that you done that and I’m sure you had your reasons, but now you can stay out.