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It’s not your job to fix her

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when she tells you that she’s broken, it isn’t her inviting you to try and fix her.

it’s more of a warning signal, she wants you to know that while you date she may do some out of character, stupid shit. But it’s because she doesn’t trust people in the way most others do, she approaches everyone with caution, she tests people and she will provoke you to hurt her, but you shouldn’t. Even when she tries to push you away, you should try your hardest not to leave.

When the last one shattered her heart in the cruelest way you could think of, she became an altered version of herself. She didn’t feel whole anymore. She took some time to herself to make sure she felt like she could be a whole person again, by herself.

And now you’re here … she want’s you to stay but can’t figure out how to tell you without making herself vulnerable (the one thing she fears above everything else) so instead, she tells you she’s broken. She want’s you to understand that in this new form she cant express how much she loves someone in the way you expect her to. She shows love in the form of jealousy and while that may annoy you, it’s the only way she knows how.

When she tests you and tells you that she doesn’t care that you flirt with other girls … she does. But she constantly goes after proof that you won’t.

For her to believe that you won’t do what the others have done, you’ll have to tread carefully. And above everything else, you shouldn’t try and fix how she’s become, because this is her new normal.

All she knows are lies and belittling comments, so she waits for something negative to spill from your mouth after you compliment her. She’ll be scared to tell you she disagrees with you because she doesn’t want you to be angry and hold it against her until you find a way of getting her back.

Even though you may want to try, it’s not your job to try and fix her. She doesn’t want to be fixed, she just wants someone to accept the version of herself she currently is.

Is Love Magic?

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How can looking at someone you love fill you with such happiness and dread all at the same time?
This is a question I continuously find myself thinking about, don’t get me wrong. I’m not cynical, not much anyway. I know love exists, I’ve seen it and I believe that I’ve felt it too, I know what it feels like to love someone.
But then I’ve never witnessed what I would consider love, so how can I completely believe in something that I have never seen?
Could it be that there are so many variations of what each of us consider love that we will never see the version we consider as correct?
But why does most love seem to have a sell by date, what type of love is the correct version that means it will stay forever, because whatever that version is I would quite like to find it.
Falling in love is one of the scariest things I know, it’s like metaphorically handing over not only your heart but also your mentality to someone and asking if they wouldn’t mind holding on to it for a while for you, maybe so they can put them in a safe place that only they can get to, out of reach from everyone else.
Love is a selfish expression, something you are only happy to give away while your heart will let you and once you don’t want to give anymore the likelihood is that you will stop, leaving that other person wondering what happened. Leaving them broken. I don’t want someone to be able to break me, not again. I think this make me more of a realist than a cynic.
I’ve seen the painful side of love, where marriages end and families split up. That’s when resentment sets in and I do not wish to resent anyone in this world, I believe life is far too short to hate or resent anyone.
That said, I am not someone who willingly gives her heart to people, trusting someone not to break me is not something that happens easily.
But this one, the one who can fill me with dread and happiness all at once. He’s being trusted, I’m trusting him not to hurt me and this is what love makes me dread, the point where I get hurt. Not all love has to come to it’s unavoidable end though I would hope. Because love truly is a beautiful thing, all those flaws that someone had before just vanish. You would rather stay in with them and do nothing than go out. Love is magic really.