Summer

What To Say When You’re Speechless

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What is normal? How should you behave with your ex’s?

I can’t help but think that the situation I’m in right now is anything but normal and yet it still feels like the right place to be.

I’m laying in bed with my ex yet again …. although this week I can’t help but feel that what was once casual sex or as he liked to put it ‘fuck buddies’ has become a bit more intense. We no longer sleep with each other after nights out where we drunkenly bump into each other ‘accidentally on purpose’, but only when we’re sober. We’ll lay talking about the most pointless things for hours, reminiscing about how things used to be and the last two nights I’ve actually stayed over at his and not left that night like I did when this arrangement first started. I can’t even try to lie about the fact that he’s the best shag I’ve had and he continuously tells me the same which of course is very flattering. But once I leave here today I wont see him for three months, we’re both going away for summer now, unless of course I mention to him that my house is all mine for a month and maybe he should come down and stay with me? But I have a feeling this is dangerous territory after the last time I mentioned the possibility of seeing each other during our time off of university .. he freaked out saying it wasn’t like that between us.

I fully understand we are not in a position to be in a relationship  but as it stands I don’t want to have sex with anyone else, is this just because I think of myself as a monogamous person, or is it because I have feelings for him again? All I can say to that  is I bloody hope not! But I can’t deny that I am going to miss him for the next three months and the possibility that all contact between us will now be stopped for over summer hurts a little bit … I’ll miss our pointless conversations that go on for hours, but I’m sure I can find a replacement him.

So right now I’m speechless and I think it’s the best thing to be, I don’t want to ruin this weirdly perfect situation I’m in with him right now. It might be messed up, but I don’t mind.

Wait, Who Invented The Friendship Barrier?

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How can anyone completely define when and why the boundary between friends and something more? Is it when you sleep together, or when it is clear to both of you that there is something more between you when you are alone? I think the majority of girls and guys have had an issue with falling for a friend, but when you both have the same group of friends and are always around each other is it really wise to go there?

I live in uni halls at the moment and although I live in a flat with 5 other girls I have made friends with a very lovely group of guys whose friendship means the world to me! I don’t know if it’s just me who feels like this but I always feel that getting relationship advice from your guy friends (from a girl’s point of view) always seems to be more helpful because they are never afraid of telling you what they really think even if it hurts your feelings. At uni I’m in a friendship group of about 8 people and it just so happens that me and one of the guys have slept  together 3 times now (only when I am drunk might I add) but it’s now become obvious that there might be more feelings on his side (oh dear!) having a drunk thing hasn’t affected our friendship in the slightest because we both know where we stand, but since he has now been trying to kiss me when alcohol has not been involved it has made me think maybe this is my fault for getting into bed with him in the first place! I love him to pieces as a friend but I would always worry that those personality traits I laugh at as a friend I would find horribly irritating as a girlfriend.

I have to admit, I am very glad to be going home for summer to be getting away from all the drama I have created this year (unintentionally) hopefully giving some space between me and some of the guys will mean feelings will fade and when I come back for my third year I will have no distractions! (I can only hope)