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I’ve Fallen In Love With My Possibilities

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When you finally realise you don’t need to be in love with a person to be happy with yourself it’s genuinely the best feeling in the world, not relying on anyone else for your own happiness is amazing! I’m back to feeling confident without relying on someones compliments. So what happens when you fall in love with your career rather than a person …

1. You gain more perspective.

Your view of the world drastically changes. All of a sudden your world isn’t gray anymore. It’s more vivid and bright. Your world is now full of new opportunities and experiences. Your world becomes your oyster.

2. You become more independent.

You start to learn how to navigate your own life, in your own terms. You start learning how to do more by yourself, without asking for help. You become fiercely independent and responsible, without worrying about a significant other.

3. Your friendships grow stronger.

Because you have more time now (aside from your career), you value your friendships more. You learn how to spend your time wisely and choose to hang with your friends during free hours of your day. Your friendships start to blossom and grow more than ever before.

4. You gain self-love.

You have time by yourself now and as a result, you focus more on what makes you happy. You start to take better care of yourself and in time, will gain more self respect and love for your heart.

5. You start appreciating the little things.

You appreciate your friends more, your family more and find yourself growing genuinely more happy. You start growing more thankful as the days pass, happy your career is blooming and not having to worry about a relationship status.

6. Your goals drastically change.

Your goals change from finding a boyfriend or a girlfriend to excelling at your career. Your goals from years ago seems childish and amateur now. Now, you can focus on yourself and your success without anyone weighing you down. You become to driver of your own life.

7. You put yourself first.

You now have learned not to settle for anything less than what you deserve. You know your worth now, and you don’t need validation from anyone else. You make sure you don’t get taken advantage of, and always speak up for yourself.

8. You become less stressed.

Before you were too focused on your relationships and problems in your love life. Now, because you are single, you only worry about yourself and your career. You feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of your shoulders because you don’t have to worry about anyone else now.

9. You start enjoying alone time.

You don’t feel lonely when you spend time alone now. You crave solitude and totally enjoy nights in, spent alone. You’ve learned that you don’t need another person to make you feel full or whole. You don’t need to fill a void.

11. You learn more about yourself than ever before.

You learn about what makes your heart fill with joy. You learn more about what you need and don’t need in your life and in a relationship too. You learn that you by yourself, is good enough. You learn that your time is important, and you’ve learned to accept yourself for who you are now. You finally learn that you’re worth something. And you don’t need somebody to see that

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Overcoming Jealousy

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I just hope he starts to consider ‘us’ more frequently and talks to me  a lot more …

The fact that you can be jealous due to high self esteem and low self esteem is total news to me, but the more I’ve read up on it, the more I realise that I have a problem. If you find your self suffering from the green eyed monster, I am sure just like I have, you will find yourself asking what’s wrong with you. Let me begin by saying that jealousy is a normal emotion, just like anger (I mention that because they are both connected) it’s what coping mechanism we use, that will depict how the situation unfolds for us. If you’re like me you’ll just stop talking, or pout, in the hope that distancing yourself from your partner will actually make them want to pull closer to you. Well it doesn’t, which I am sure isn’t news to anyone. In fact it leads to them acting defensive and angry because normally, if it’s a situation you’ve created in your head then they wont be able to work out what they’ve done wrong. Overcoming jealousy is like changing any emotional reaction or behavior and it’s all going to start with realising there’s a problem.

The Stages of Jealousy:

  • When your partner says something that triggers your anger/jealousy you can’t seem to put a lid on it, it will keep bubbling up inside of you until you argue and let it all out.
  • You wan’t to put your point across in as many ways as possible to make them feel small.
  • This one aspect that started this trigger of emotions has now bought up a million different issues/situations that have made you think they don’t care.
  • As much as you want to talk to your partner like a normal human being, the mix of jealousy/anger just wont allow you to do so.
  • You find yourself thinking ‘I don’t deserve to be treated like this, he/she should respect me more’
  • You then begin to worry that you are pushing your partner away because you are constantly accusing them, but you just can’t help it.

Low Self Esteem Jealousy:

  • You can’t understand why he/she loves you.
  • You constantly need reassurance.
  • You are always thinking your partner can and will do better.
  • You are convinced that they find every person they talk to of the opposite sex attractive and has thought about sleeping with them.

High Self Esteem Jealousy:

  • You find your self thinking ‘I don’t deserve this’
  • You think you deserve your partners undivided attention 24 hours a day
  • You are already thinking of how you will end things before they cheat
  • You think they should only find you attractive and no one else, ever.

My Problem is …

I want my partner to put the same effort in with me as he did at the start, I want him to consider my feelings and start thinking about ‘us’ instead of just ‘him’ in situations that will concern the both of us. I know I suffer from jealousy because of anger, which is something I am going to try to work on. I find the longer I am in a relationship with someone the more jealous I get because I care and worry more, I worry because I think arguments will push him away and then he will find someone who doesn’t want to argue. I only argue because I care and I want him to understand me, I appreciate him and I love him, but my worry is that he will find someone that can do that minus the arguments. I constantly find myself thinking ‘I don’t deserve this’ when we argue and when I become angry due to the fact that I think of every scenario where he has put me or us second and his own want’s first. In a relationship I believe you should always consider the other person and it makes me angry when he doesn’t see things in the same way I do. But I believe if I work on how I deal with both my anger and Jealousy combined it will help how we deal with situations together.

TIP: I’ve signed up to #MarkTyrrell’s Pyschology course to help deal with my jealousy and anger within my relationship.