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What you should’ve said

If you had the guts, maybe you would have told him face to face, maybe if you weren’t so scared about putting your neck on the line you would have pulled him aside and told him everything and you wouldn’t have even given a second thought to the consequences?

But this is real life and it isn’t that simple.

When you’re worried about opening up to people you don’t tend to put your heart on the line.

Actions have consequences and words can stay with someone for a very long time, maybe if you could tell someone how you feel and then instantly wipe their memory it would make things easier?

So in this pretend scenario where you’re not a coward and you’re not scared to take things into your own hands, maybe this is what you would have told him:

Maybe you would have told him that being around him makes you happy, that waking up and knowing that you’re seeing him makes your day feel less heavy.

You could have told him that in the moment when he does things that are a bit unconventional you just end up fancying him more, things that other people find weird and make them describe him as an introvert actually make you wonder if he’s got a space for you in his closed off world that not many people make the cut into.

Maybe you’d have said that if you were make him laugh every day then you would, because his laugh is infectious and makes you smile in a way that very few other things do.

Maybe you could have told him that he shouldn’t ignore how he feels about you because you feel exactly the same and what he’s tried to shrug off as a meaningless crush is actually deeper than that, even if he tries to convince himself it isn’t.

You could’ve said that when you see his name pop up on your phone first thing in the morning and as soon as you finish work, it makes you almost miss seeing his face because when he texts you stupid things that make you laugh you wish you could see the facial expressions he’s pulling, because his overly expressive face just makes everything seem even more funny.

You should have told him you liked him, but maybe it was more than that. You should have told him that you can feel electricity when you’re in touching distance of him, you should have told him that you can stop thinking about him grabbing your waist and kissing your neck, that after that one time it’s all you’ve been able to think about ever since and maybe that’s fuc**d up! Or maybe this is just what totally undiluted lust feels like?

Maybe you would’ve said that he’s not your type and that’s why this is so confusing for you because your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another, but sometimes people are so similar it’s scary.

You could’ve told him that no one understands the controversial opinions you have like he does and no one listens to them while sharing similar opinions like him, no one gets it quite like he does.

Maybe you should’ve told him that you understand that the timing is wrong and that you’ve crossed paths at the worst point in both your lives, but you really hope that your paths cross again in the future.

There’s a lot you would’ve told him if you’d had the guts …. but you didn’t.

And now you’ll just have to hold on to your “what if” and the hope that this isn’t the end of it.

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Thank You Next

 

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If you can’t imagine introducing him to your family then honestly, what are you wasting your time for?

You might really like him, the sex might be great but when you think of him being around your family you suddenly get a sinking feeling, as if you know that he isn’t what they would want for you. You know your family would want you to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be soppy with you around them, because you know they would be happy to see that someone loves you as much as they do.

So if he’s afraid of physical affection in any way shape or form, is he really the one for you? Don’t get me wrong, PDA is massively off-putting, however, its nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s just in private. If you don’t feel wanted, how can you think that he’s for you?

As someone who is massively family orientated, I will always care about what my family think of my significant other. Which is why I avoid introducing them to anyone until I’m certain about how I feel and I know who they are. No one likes explaining to their parents why someone they were with a week ago at the family BBQ has now done a disappearing act.

So seriously, if you can’t imagine him stood beside you with an affectionate arm around your waist at family events, from BBQ’s to children’s birthdays, from weddings to funerals, then WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?!

You might not be able to focus your attention on anyone else right now, because although he’s a twat, you’re a little bit lust obsessed. But that’s ok, as long as you can acknowledged he is not someone that you should even imagine a future with.

You might love sleeping next to him, but if he isn’t rolling over to spoon you every now and then, or to put your head on his chest to make sure you’re still laying there with him, then you might as well be sleeping alone, because despite him being there, you feel as though he isn’t.

If you’re revelling in the fact that he’s been giving you undivided attention for the last few months (since his last disappearing act) make sure you remember how you feel when he does go back to his old habits … you know, the ones that you’re mysteriously missed out of. Because as nice as his attention is, someone who will be consistent for you, will be better in the long run.

So enjoy him while you can, because he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with forever.

He’s not the one you want to introduce to your family and he’s not the one who treats you how you expected the love of your life to treat you. But he’s fun and he’s easy to talk to, you have things in common, but not enough to make your parents approve of him.

He might be good looking, but if he isn’t willing to show you any affection in front of his friends or your friends, then you need to find someone better, someone who doesn’t want to keep their hands off you, but who knows you well enough to understand that you’re not a fan of PDA, so all they have to do is tell you they cant wait to get you alone later and that will make your day.

If he isn’t loving you the way you want him to, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

So when he ghosts on you again, remember he is not the one you want forever. So you might as well let him disappear, as long as you’re not going to let him come back again (for the fourth time).

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What does that even mean?

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‘I feel like I could do better than you’ nine of the worst strung together words to ever fall out of someones mouth, especially when they’re saying them straight to your face. Ouch.

But I get it, we say as much as we can to try and divert how we really feel, our defence mechanisms come out in full force when our fight or flight reflexes are letting us down. You know you should run away from a situation that’s bad for you, but you’ve never known bad to feel so good. So you won’t go anywhere.

I have a real habit of leaving a trail of destruction behind me wherever I go, because once someone makes it onto my hit list, I’ll go after them with no regards to anything else around me, and I always get what I want. But it’s ok because that destructive path actually looks kind of pretty, it’s filled with passion, lust and physical desire. Some of the best things to feel for another person.

So what does it even mean, when you’re telling me one thing but I know you mean another. When I know your negative comments are being used as a deflective technique. It’s actually a very good psychological trick, but you won’t have known that. The more you think of something negatively the less you’ll want it, but you’ll have to spend quite a while trying to think of negative things to put you off of me, or shall I pretend not to know that?

When you go from thinking about something almost obsessively, it takes more than a few days to stop old habits. When you want something as bad as that, it’s going to take more than a few deflective words to actually trick your brain. But good luck, because I think you’ll need it.

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it’s ok to change your mind

When we were little and being asked if we want to draw with a red crayon or a blue crayon we didn’t get made to feel bad for picking one and then changing our mind halfway through and swapping to the other colour, or changing our mind completely and running off to play outside instead. So why, as adults when it comes to our love life, do we get made to feel like crap for changing our mind about people and situations?

I cannot reiterate this enough, BEING A HUMAN MEANS WE CAN CHANGE HOW WE THINK. Free will is a thing, if you hadn’t realised? But some people don’t, they get so uptight when you no longer want them, or to be in a situation with them that they’ll try and make you feel bad about it.

But here’s the thing, they’re only making you feel bad because they’re no longer the ‘chosen crayon‘ you don’t want to play with them anymore and unlike a crayon which has no feelings or emotion (obviously) they have the ability to kick up a fuss. You’ve changed your mind and don’t want them involved in your game anymore but CHOICE IS CHOICE so to be quite honest, they can just fuck off.

So you find someone at a bar and in the moment you look at them and find them attractive and you think ‘this ones coming home with me‘ one drink leads to another and when you actually get back to wherever it is with them (yours or theirs) it suddenly dawns on you … you actually don’t want them anymore, you’ve realised now that the environment has changed, so has your mood.

In a previous post i’ve mentioned ‘The Ick’ and how quickly it happens. It’s no ones fault, but it’s important to remember we can’t always control how we feel. We can’t help who we fall for and who we don’t. This isn’t something people should take personally because in my mind everyone is someones type. So if one person doesn’t fancy you, another one will.

So view people as crayons, decide on one, change your mind, try something different or don’t … pick a colour and decide that one’s your favorite. There are plenty of crayons in the box and they won’t all get upset and offended when they aren’t chosen.

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Romance Vs Social Media

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Has social media led to the downfall of romantic gestures? Instead of sending flowers we send DM’s and instead of writing someone a heartfelt note, we comment fire emojis under the selfie we like the look of … doesn’t scream romance to me!

Where can we expect our meet cute to happen if we’re all so scared of approaching people in real life?

Meet Cute: a scene in which the two people who will form a future romantic couple meet for the first time.

‘Playing’ Tinder is our latest boredom buster. One of the many dating apps we forget about until we realise we haven’t had any easily accessible attention for a while. We post half naked pictures onto our Instagram feeds because we revel in the fleeting appreciation we get from random strangers. Most of us leave our profiles on public because we enjoy being seen by others. But is social media really allowing us to be ‘seen’?

Ask your parents how they met, it’s highly unlikely they will say through online dating. Go back 20 or 30 years and people were meeting in pubs, or being hooked up via their group of friends. They weren’t swiping right, left or every direction in between while sat on the toilet hoping to find the love of their life and ultimately the person they wanted to create a family with. They were out there meeting people, speaking face to face, doing the most normal thing imaginable that we consider kind of weird now … they were interacting!

I want someone to write me letters telling me how much I mean to them, I want them to be stood in front of me telling me how beautiful I am. I don’t want them to comment emojis under my social media posts to show that they have an appreciation for me. I want them to show me off …. but not on social media. Take me to meet your friends and family face to face, so I can see the expression on your face as you introduce us. I don’t really care about the opinions of millions of people I don’t know, I don’t need them to all ‘approve’ of us.

Take me for lazy Sunday strolls, instead of laying next to me having a lazy Sunday ‘scroll’ through all of your social media platforms. Is romance too much to expect nowadays? Is it weird holding on to the hope of meeting Prince Charming at the stroke of midnight on New Years Eve?

Imagine having a meet cute story like that … one where you saw each other from across the bar and it was love at first sight, that’s the kind of story people are jealous of. I’ve never seen a fairytale using the opening line of ‘once upon a swipe’ …  and if I did, I probably wouldn’t read on! Lets be honest, we all know how a Tinder date ends and unless having a drunk quickie with your clothes on is romantic to you, I don’t think you’d read on expecting a happily ever after either … I mean, I guess it’s kind of a happy ending in it’s own way, just not the type I’m after for here!

So for all of us hopeless romantics still hoping to find their forever romance the old fashioned way, I say keep trying. The offline world is far prettier than the online one anyway.

 

 

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I Liked The Attention You Gave Me

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You might call it mean, I call it honest. And of course, the truth hurts, but it needs to be said at some point right?

You probably think I was stringing you along and playing games.  I’m sure that’s what you’ll tell yourself to make it easier because that’s what it looked like.  Just know that wasn’t my original intention, that’s not how I felt when it all started between us.

I did everything you’re supposed to do when you like someone. I reeled off every cheesy line that I knew you wanted to hear, I texted you back (most of the time within 24hrs) and matched every bit of affection you gave me with a big smile.

What I didn’t tell you was that my judgment got clouded because I was so focused on your interest in me.  As sad as that sounds, it’s true. I got caught up in it all and didn’t take time to process what was actually going on in my heart properly.

I became totally fixated on the idea of being wanted by someone, but not just anyone … it was you. So I numbed everything else, all the feelings that I should have payed attention to I just blocked them out, all the ones that were telling me this wasn’t really what I wanted.

Every text and touch from you switched on the voices in my brain that told me to like you (or that I should like you). That this could work. So, I believed them.

But once I took a step back, I realised I didn’t like you, not how you liked me. And I definitely didn’t want to keep going forward with this stupid phase of attention I was getting from you.

I liked the attention you gave me, I feed off the initial attention anyone gives me, but with you it felt different. I needed your attention for a while, it made me feel like I had some kind of power over my own life again.

I liked the idea of you.

I liked the idea of our potential and everything within me was begging for my heart to be as into you as my head was. I kept telling myself that maybe this could be the time where everything changes. That maybe there was something there when I knew there wasn’t.

But love doesn’t work like that. It should feel much more beautiful, complicated and simple all at the same time. I know I can’t force it when it’s not there, but every cheesy song and romcom has assured me that I will be certain in my head and my heart when it’s right, when I’m really into someone, I won’t even need to question it.

And we weren’t right, we definitely didn’t feel right to me. You didn’t set my heart on fire so I guess you just weren’t what I wanted after all.

So, the truth is, yes, I only liked the attention you gave me, for a while.

But, can you blame me? It’s easy to get caught up in a moment like this from time to time.

In this day and age, everything becomes misconstrued and temporary.  We become numb and latch onto anything that keeps us from being bored when we’re single. I latched onto you and the attention you were so keen to give me.

And by the time I realised this, it all kind of seemed to be too late. I’d gone along with it for slightly too long to just shrug it all off and carry on with my life like nothing had happened.

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To The Guys Who Think They’re The Shit

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You are in fact not the shit and you have zero reason to be as egotistical as you actually are, cut the crap and accept the fact that in reality you’re a 5/10 on a good day for your looks and a 2/10 in bed. Sorry to be the one to break the news and here are the reasons why, just incase you want to take note for the next female you disappoint:

  • I’ve listened to songs that lasted longer than you
  • You DO NOT go down on a woman and suck, that is not how it goes. Who have you been giving oral sex to, men?
  • Don’t get an ego boost from when I’ve said you feel good, I say it to all of them. Guys seem to like it
  • Why can you only have sex missionary? Are you just that vanilla?
  • If you think just taking off a woman’s underwear means she’ll automatically be turned on, you’re a fucking idiot
  • Wasting 3 minutes of my life for a three thrusts situation … totally unacceptable
  • Getting so nervous you cant keep it up is actually VERY disappointing .. even if us women say its ok, its kind of not
  • You’re not 15, do not cover me in love bites I don’t need to leave you with a mark of shame
  • DO NOT bite my nipples so hard it feels like you’re trying to detach them from my body. That will not get me in the mood
  • You’re not trying to compete in the worlds fastest thruster competition, slow the fuck down

I actually take great pleasure in telling you that you’re not the shit, you are in fact … just shit. You were shit at everything, but you shouldn’t have been for having the ego that you did. And on a final note, no it doesn’t happen to everyone and no it is not ok.