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All the ways you ‘shouldn’t’ ask her out

I Have A Feeling... That We Should Kiss. GIF - AdamDevin ...

So guys, listen up. There’s some ways that work when asking out a woman and some ways that just totally and utterly …. make us screen shot your attempt and send it to our friends. So I’ve complied a list of ways in which you should most definitely NOT ask someone out.

1. We can go if you want to – why doesn’t this work, well probably because you’re making it feel more like a chore and less like you want us to go somewhere with you.

2. We should go for dinner some time – VAGUE. so very vague, you obviously must think we sit around waiting for men to make plans with us. No, we’re busy people so if you want to go on a date with us, pick a date and stick to it!

3. You wanna do that ‘insert activity here’ you spoke about – how about you be more proactive? If we’ve mentioned we want to do something, surprise us and just book it/plan it and then tell us when to be there. Be ballsy! Especially if you can’t come up with your own ideas.

4. Let’s catch up – erm, on what? If we haven’t seen you for years, one coffee date isn’t going to fill you in on all the events of my life. So again, suggest an actual plan.

5. We could grab a drink if you want – LOW EFFORT! If you actually want to impress someone, put in some effort. If you think she’s worth it then do it. We won’t remember all these first date drinks we go on, but we will remember the ones where actual effort was made.

6. I’d love to take you out, followed by ‘well where do you want to go’ – nope. You’ve almost done it right with this one! You’ve said you’d love to see us, but then throwing the control back at us. If you’d love to take us out, you should know where you’d ‘love’ to take us.

7. We could do something this Saturday, oh wait no I’m busy – if we didn’t ask you out on Saturday, you don’t need to ask us and then subsequently announce you actually have other plans. No one asked. Tell us a day when you’re free or actually free one up for us.

8. I’ll let you know when I’ve chosen something – if you’re approaching us to ask us on a date you really should have already had a plan. This line makes us think we should carry on with plans with our friends, it doesn’t sound certain and we won’t sit around waiting for you to get your act together. Either get something set up properly or we’ll assume you’re going to bail.

9. We should go out – ok, firstly … said who? You’re not really asking me if I actually want to now, you’re just telling me, kind of like a caveman pointing at what he wants and thinking it will just happen. It probably won’t with this approach.

10. You wanna go on date then? – why do I feel like your mum who’s making you take her food shopping all of a sudden? I want you to want to go on a date with me …. I don’t want to feel like a chore. But thanks anyway.

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The handkerchief approach

So what’s the handkerchief approach…. and I need to point out that this should not be confused with the ‘handkerchief code’, that’s totally different. Google it if you’re interested.

The Handkerchief Approach:

Have you ever heard about how women back in the Victorian era would drop a handkerchief on the floor as they walk past a guy on the street that they like the look of? The idea was that the man would then pick it up and chase after her to return it and which would result in them then being engaged in a conversation. ultimately this worked because the guy felt like he was doing the woman a favour ….

Back then it seems that women weren’t sat around waiting for men to approach them, they were out finding the ones they liked the look of and then making sure they got them by doing something about it. Nowadays us girls sit in bars and wait for the guys we like the look of to approach us, when the harsh reality is, they probably won’t.

Do you know who approaches you in a bar? The idiot …. the idiot you keep moaning about attracting.

The idiot approaches you because he’s had a lot of practice, he doesn’t care about being rejected because out of all of the women he’ll approach that evening, there is bound to be one that won’t reject him. But I’ll tell you a secret …. the idiot is always out with a group of friends and they’re the ones not going round approaching as many women as possible, needless to say they’re the ones you actually want to speak to but luckily for you, the idiot has given you a way in!

Men like to feel needed, so play this to your advantage. The guy you actually want to come over to you while you’re out, most likely won’t because he’s not an idiot. Make it easy for him, give him some eye contact and let him know you’ve seen him, even better …. smile at him! A smile goes a long way.

If you want to attract the guys you actually want, then you need to adapt the handkerchief approach and make it into something you can do in this era. Maybe you’re ordering all your friends drinks at the bar and you can’t carry them all? Well conveniently the hot guy you’ve been checking out all evening is stood right next to you while you’re ordering … you may as well just ask for his help right?

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It’s Not You … It’s Me

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Why do I struggle so much to give the nice ones a shot? In reality you’re everything I’d be lucky to have and I know you’d treat my like an absolute princess and yet for some reason that pushes me a million miles away from you and into the arms of a guy I know will be no good for me at all.

I knew what I was doing from the moment you told me I was the only one out of a whole group of girls that you wanted speak to, you’d told me you knew I was the only one that you’d wanted to talk to before you even met me …. I was flattered, but flattery isn’t the way you’d get me. I like to work for what I want and you’re not going to be the kind of a guy that provides me with a chase, you’re too honest with your feelings and that isn’t a bad thing by the way!

I’m good at reading people, so I knew how much you liked me and I kept you just at arms length for my own benefit, or at least until the late night calls got too much and I didn’t want to play a game with you anymore. I got bored of giving you just enough attention that it meant you would never quite move on from being almost in love with me, despite the fact I knew I’d never feel the same …. wrong isn’t it? But thats the messed up way in which I work.

When we stayed up until 4am and you told me how much you liked me and how much it hurt when you had to see me with him, it really didn’t phase me. I wasn’t bothered that it hurt you. I still wanted to keep you within arms length of me, I still wanted you in the background admiring me, sorry.

How much did you really like me? I wish you’d been more sure of what you wanted … I wish you’d just tried to get my attention rather than asking me for permission to have it, maybe that would have worked better.

In all honesty, it’s not you … it’s me. In reality the qualities you have really are everything I want in someone, you’re hard working, you’re a dog person, you’re family orientated. So I’m not sure what my problem is. Sorry I’m so messed up.

There’s something I want you to know though …..

You’re amazing and whoever ends up with you will be very lucky, you’ve got a lot going for you, you really should be more confident. You’re a good looking guy.