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When they wanted you first

So many people ask the question “how do you get played by someone who wanted you first” and luckily for you, I’m here to help answer it.

It doesn’t matter how long your relationship was with this person, you’ve been left wondering where it all went wrong and how it went from them chasing you to them literally putting the breaks on and heading in the opposite direction.

So what changed between that initial chase at the start to where you are right now which I’m guessing is heartbroken and confused.

Let’s take a jump back to when the two of you first started dating, I’m going to assume they asked you out first? You probably checked your diary and decided to fit them in when it was most convenient for you. You’d have fit them in around your usual social plans, the time you usually spend with your friends or the time you spend doing whatever makes you happy. Whatever the case, you found time when it was convenient for you and when you could give them some time amongst your other priorities.

When you guys first started seeing each other you probably set some standards like ‘no last minute plans’ or something along those lines to keep them on their toes and to make them realise that when they want to spend time with you it can’t just be on a whim, you wanted them to make an effort and plan stuff with you.

But, without you even realising, as you started to like them more, your priorities and standards started to change.

You started factoring what you wanted to do around them rather than the other way around, when they wanted to see you last minute you’d jump at the chance. You lost value in your own time because you valued the time you spent with them above everything else.

So when you sit there wondering why they ghosted or played you when they wanted you first. Stop to have a think if this could be because you forgot the value of your own time and if you lost sight of the value of your own time, can you really be surprised if they did too?

They chased you in the first place because your time was desirable, you were busy and had lots going on. They knew that the time you gave them was valuable and they kept chasing after it, however when this changed and you started to give your time up at a drop of a hat, it made you seem less valuable and less chase worthy.

This kind of happens when we start to like someone, but we need to make sure we don’t let it happen too early on. We need to make sure they keep chasing our valuable time until they’ve earned a place in our lives when they shouldn’t have to keep chasing us. But until then, you need to remind them that if you’re giving them your time, you’re also giving them something that you can never get back, so they better make sure it’s worth it.

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When the unexpected punches you in the face

I bet you didn’t even realise that you’d feel like this, after having something taken away from you that you didn’t even know you wanted, or at least you didn’t know you wanted it right now.

Darling girl, it’s ok to admit how much it’s hurt you to have to get through this by yourself, not having anyone to hold you while you’re curled up in pain, which constantly wakes you up throughout the night. It’s ok to admit that it would have been easier to do it with him than without him, that doesn’t make you weak, it just makes you human.

I know you’ve spent days sitting there wondering what you did wrong, how you could have avoided creating the total and utter mess of a situation you’ve now found yourself in. If you’d have known, what would you have done differently, would you have looked at yourself in the mirror in a different way each morning? Would you have moved slower, eaten better, or even started meditation?

But hey, guess what? You didn’t know. And although you’ve already heard this from anyone around you that you’ve told, it really wasn’t your fault. This was just life’s way of saying ‘not right now’ and that may hurt, you may want to kick or scream or punch anything you can. But it doesn’t change what has happened.

Sometimes, life takes a choice away from you before you even knew that it was a possibility and maybe that’s because it knew you weren’t ready to make that choice yet.

Not all beautiful things are supposed to unfold how you imagine they will and it’s just because they’ve appeared at the wrong time.

Imagine it like this: a flower has accidentally decided to try and bloom in winter, instead of the harsh weather letting it come out and struggle through a phase it just wasn’t meant to see, the cold will kill it off before it even has a chance to suffer. That beautiful flower has been saved a load of unnecessary pain, Mother Nature just had to hold it back and say ‘now is not the time, one day not far from now you’ll blossom into something beautiful, but now just isn’t the time. The world isn’t ready for you yet’.

It’s okay to cry for the loss of something you didn’t even know you wanted, it’s okay to be hurt at the fact a decision was made out of your own hands, grieving for something you didn’t even know …. is understandable.

I know you feel like your body is fighting against you, the one thing you thought you had control over during a time of uncertainty now also feels like it’s betrayed you and let you down, and the worst part is, this crazy surge of emotions being fired up in your brain, is fighting for something that isn’t even there, making you question your own judgements and I know the confusion just makes you want to cry even more.

It’s ok to miss the idea of something you never even really had. It’s ok to hold on to a ‘what if’ even if it’s just for a while. You haven’t been given a set time to get over how something could have been if it had been left in your control.

So maybe this was life’s way of saying ‘not yet’ but this can also be your way of saying, ‘I’m happy to welcome unexpected events’ because life is crazy and beautiful and we make it what we want.

So when life throws yet another unexpected punch at you, just thrive in the fact that each day after is a day of healing. Things will get better and eventually you’ll be in the time when these things are supposed to happen for you.

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Here’s to all the ones we thought we’d never get over

This is for the one you thought would be etched into your heart forever. The one you sat and cried for over and over again. Or maybe you’re even still awake at stupid times in the middle of the night wishing you were waking up and seeing them laying next to you.

The reality is, missing someone is easy because it’s the part we have no control over. How we handle missing them is the hard part, do we let it consume everything we do, or do we own it and say to ourselves “it’s ok to feel like this for now”.

Its normal to miss someone when we genuinely have a connection with them. When we have a history with someone it doesn’t even matter how long the chapter was that they had in our lives, we’ll miss them. And that’s totally ok.

Sometimes when missing someone becomes hard it’s because we start to think of the scenarios, of how things could be different. What if we did something differently? Would everything change? The problem with “what if” is that we’ll never really get the answers we’re looking for because we can’t force or control the actions of others. We have no way to know how a person really feels or why they’re doing the things they do. All we can do is believe in what actions we see.

And the reality is, if they missed you too, they could do something about it. If they’re the one that walked away, they’re the one who knows what direction will also lead them back to you. Their “I miss you too’s” have as much sincerity as your mum telling you to “have fun” when you’re on your way to a party.

Actions speak louder than words. ALWAYS.

So you know what’s going to make it easier to get over the one you never thought you’d get over? The lack of their actions meeting their words. Their inability to fight for you and show you just how much they want you in their lives.

Eventually you’ll realise you’ve found someone else who treats you better than they did. Who makes you feel more important than they did and who makes you feel like they want you to be a part of their lives every day.

It’s also ok if someone you’ve been with for months had a bigger impact on you than someone you’ve been with for years. There’s no rules and regulations for this kind of chaos. Missing someone is fine.

And although maybe right now you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. You can’t imagine not wishing they were next to you but trust me you will and that’s the day you’ll realise they didn’t fight for you the way they should have, they didn’t treat you like you were rare and something they should protect.

But that’s cool, because everything you gave to the wrong one will be worth traveling to the moon and back for to the right one.

So chin up, and lift a glass for the one you think or thought you’d never get over. Because you wouldn’t be where you are today without them.

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Here’s what I would have said

If we’d have sat down and had the conversation that I wanted us to, so I could walk away from this feeling like I’ve had closure, because you’d have been able to look me in the eye and tell me why you did things the way that you did, here’s what you would have heard me say.

You’d have had a chance to listen to me tell you that I’ll never hate you, not even one bit. In fact, it makes me sad that you even think I could. There’s no malice here, I hope you find everything in life that makes you happy, I’ll always care about you and you deserve the best. I mean it.

I know for a while I was something that was making you happy, but then that changed and you know what, that’s ok. It’s ok to get rid of things that no longer serve a purpose in your life. You should be surrounded by things that help you develop and grow. I’m sad that I was no longer doing that for you. But it is what it is.

I hope you succeed in everything you set your mind to in life, and I hope that if you learnt anything from our relationship it was that above all else, honesty and communication between two people who care about each other is THE most important thing.

I’ve sat down numerous times and tried working out why you handle things the way you do, and I think I may understand now.

Your sensitive personality stops you from telling people you care about information that you think could hurt them, you don’t want to be able to see how your words are actually affecting them so your ability to deal with difficult conversations in person seems slightly insufficient.

But just know this, you’ll end up coming off as the bigger person in future if you can deal one fatal blow of shit information to someone face to face rather than tiptoeing around it and never actually getting it off of your chest.

Not wanting to hurt people is a lovely trait and it’s one of the reasons I respect you the way that I do. But for the love of god ….. understand that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind! You’re a good person with a bad communication style (no offence).

I want you to know that we’re not on bad terms, there’s no ‘he deserves whatever he gets’ mentality. None of that, that’s a game for children who can’t respect another persons decisions. I want you to be happy and I hope that in the future I’ll still be a part of your life to see you succeed and smash all your ambitions, not as a lover or a girlfriend, but this time as a friend who’s always in your corner encouraging you to keep going when you lose sight of what you want.

I think you’re pretty bloody special and you taught me some very valuable lessons that I’m glad I learnt from you and no one else. Like the fact that I’m calm and not crazy when I’m with the right person, or that you don’t have to constantly be naked with someone to get to know them (although the being naked part was very fun too).

Vulnerability comes from deep conversations over a Sunday morning brunch, or from doing face masks together and winding down from a days work, or even from leaving your comfort zone to do activities with them that there is no way you’d normally do, but you do it because it would make them happy.

So this is me, putting down in writing everything I would have told you if you’d have given me the chance.

I want you to know that respect you and your decisions way more than you’ll ever understand. I think you’re an amazing person who deserves all the happiness in the world and I’ll always care about you, no matter how much you’ve annoyed me, or put my back up.

You’d have understood that I’m not going to convince you of reasons why I’d be good wife material. Because I’m way too stubborn for that, in my eyes I’m either enough for someone or I’m not, and one day someone is going to love what I am so much, they’ll never want to let it go. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not gutted that wasn’t you.

I’d have explained that honesty is my dealbreaker. Once I feel like someone hasn’t been honest with me I find walking away from a romantic situation pretty easy, if I feel like someone doesn’t respect me enough to be honest then I know I need to find someone else who does.

But amongst all of this, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I hope you’ll keep a place in your life for me just as I’ll always keen a place for you in mine.

Once all of the emotion fades we’ll be friends ….. eventually, right?

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It’s the two of you vs the problem

Let’s play out a scenario, a couple who are crazy about each other torn apart by the concept of “what if this goes wrong”.

To figure out if the relationship is worth fighting through this cloud of doubt for they decide to spend some time apart, both figuring out if they are willing to risk getting hurt.

But the irony is, you’ve now taken yourself away from the reminder of what you’re fighting for, you want to figure out if you can get past your “what if” problem and you’ve chosen that the best way to do it is by not being around them.

It feels like you’ve taken the problem and somehow let it come in the middle of the two of you. Now it’s turned into a you vs them situation, where the game is who can act like they’re less bothered and who can pretend to care less. As if the time apart isn’t phasing either of you.

How it should have been, is the two of you vs the problem. There’s an issue in your relationship, well you know how people typically get over that? By facing it head on together and supporting each other through times of uncertainty. That’s how problems get sorted, not by ignoring them and creating more distance.

The one proven way to make any relationship stronger, is by getting through the hard parts together as a solid unit. Not by pushing each other away and hoping that an empty space will solve everything for you.

Relationships take work, so take that issue the two of you have and use it to make you stronger together, by twisting it into a the two of you vs the problem situation.

As much as some people may disagree, space and distance do not help two people overcome a relationship problem. An issue in a relationship should be handled by the two of you together and if it turns out that the problem can’t be fixed, at least you can say you’ve tried.

Giving up and pretending like you don’t care is the biggest relationship failure, give the two of you some credit. Risk the make or break scenario.

Looking back at something and thinking you could have tried harder is the biggest punch in the face kind of feeling you could ever have.

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The secret to lasting love

Why are you with just one man? Why is it that the guy you can call yours has prevailed over all the others who came before him?

Well, obviously, each failed relationship that has happened up till now has had its own unique defects that lead to the break ups.

So maybe a better question is, why can I believe the love that is offered to me this time is different?

Loving someone is a unique ability only humans can create awareness around. It’s an art because we can improve upon the skill, sort of like a craft. The more we feel it, the better we become at understanding it and how we handle ourselves when we feel it.

I once read a quote that’s always stuck with me, “Falling in love is easy. Staying in love, that’s the challenge.”

But to even consider staying in love, we have to make a choice: At the low points, in the time of doubt, will we keep choosing love? And are we willing to do so even if the person may not choose us one day?

The uncertainties in love are quite frankly bloody terrifying, the thought of the person we’ve chosen above everyone else one day not choosing us scares a lot of people away before anything has even really begun.

How can we know someone will make a great partner? Father? Or even a bingo teammate well into retirement? Yes I know that’s a lot of forward thinking but it’s worth considering to save yourself some heartache.

How can we know we won’t be betrayed? Our hearts not crushed? Our love not taken advantage of?

And the answer is plain and fucking simple: We don’t.

We don’t know how our lives will play out, and that runs true, especially when it comes to love. We can plan and analyse as much as we want, but we will never know for certain how things are going to go.

But just because we can’t be certain doesn’t mean we can’t try.

Loving someone is a choice. You find a person that makes your heart flutter, whose company you thoroughly enjoy and who you have amazing chemistry with. You understand each other; you could see yourself growing old with them because you can wholeheartedly be yourself around them.

So you choose them; you choose to try and make a life with them. But it won’t be the only time you’ll have to choose them.

Because the doubt will creep in. They’ll eventually hurt or disappoint you, you’ll start thinking about the negative things and even at this point, you’ll still want to choose them. Even over all the hurdles.

And the choice really comes down to your capabilities and willingness of working through the inevitable low points, because being with them surpasses everything else. You don’t mind riding out the lows with them because experiencing the highs is worth it every time.

If they choose you and you choose them then that should equal, I hope, lasting love.

You have open and honest communication, regularly checking in on one another. You both have the ability to speak our emotions, fears, and appreciations of one another. You acknowledge the hard times will come, but you’re certain you have what it takes to get through them.

And when you wrap all of this up into a package, that love seems like it will withstand time.

But all because we are both making a choice. A choice to stay in love and work through the highs and lows together because you know that being together is worth it.

Recently, I came across a Ted Talk by a woman that did a questionnaire with a man that led them to fall in love. That woman, Mandy Len Catron, wrote the initial article which consists of the 36 questions to ask your partner to fall in love.

Readers wanted to understand the magic of Catron’s relationship’s success; everyone wanted to know if the two were still together.

But Catron was wary of answering because the success of their relationship wasn’t based on 36 questions designed for creating love.

The success of their relationship hung on one main thing: a choice.

The two chose to love each other, every single day.

Sure, love is a bit more nuanced. But lasting love, I believe, is not.

You’ll never find a perfect person who won’t disappoint you at some point, it’s just human nature, none of us are perfect. Every single relationship is going to have its low points.

And when those lows come, you’ll have to make a choice, a choice to stay in love or not.

But in the end, I believe that’s the secret to lasting love. Choosing to love the person you’ve chosen no matter what, through all the tough shit and all the amazing stuff that you wouldn’t want to be experiencing with anyone else.

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Catch the curve ball

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She’s the curve ball in the game you didn’t even know you were playing and you’ll realise eventually, that girl would have given you the whole world, you just had to be ready to catch what life was throwing at you.

But this wasn’t the exact plan I had, it isn’t exactly lining up with how I thought things would go” I get that, but hear me out…..

You know she’d have made you smile even after you’ve had a bad day, she would have sat and listened to you for hours until you’d spoken about it so much that you no longer felt stressed and you’d have felt safe because you know she’d have never judged anything you said.

You’ll realise eventually that when you find someone who’s only genuine concern is your happiness, you should hold onto them no matter what.

When you find someone in this crazy messed up world who still has kindness and good intentions in them for someone other than themselves, you’ll want to hold onto them for as long as you can, because they’re a rare breed these days which sucks!

When you realise that she was someone who bought out the best side of you, maybe it’ll be too late. Because you’ll have pushed her away not truly realising what you’re doing.

You’ll realise why honesty didn’t seem so scary with her, why you didn’t get the urge to tell her stupid white lies like with all the others before. It was because you felt like anything you told her wouldn’t be met with judgement and finding someone who accepts all parts of you exactly how they are without a sense of ‘yeah you’re great but if you done this I think you’d be better’ is rare.

Imagine being with someone who’s happy to accept you exactly as you, even though you both know you have flaws and you’re not perfect, but she doesn’t care because your flaws make you imperfectly perfect to her.

You’ll realise soon enough that there’s no one else you want to share your good and bad days with, someone who you want to celebrate your successes with and also sit down in a calm silence with when times have got a bit tough.

How long do you think you’ll have to look until you find someone who makes this whole ‘dating‘ thing seem as easy as she did?

Being with someone who understands that family time and down time are as important as the time alone the two of you have. How many people are like that in the world, who don’t make you feel guilty for not making them a priority in your life even though they’ve just come into it, who are selfless enough that they want you to go and do all the things that are important to you, because that makes you who you are and she’d never want to change that.

You’ll realise you miss her when silly things happen throughout your day that you wish you could tell her about, or you’ve thought of something funny on a tangent that you know she’d laugh at even if she didn’t want to because she loved how your mind works.

When you figure out that you’re supposed to be with the girl who makes you feel like you’re good enough just the way you are. It might be too late.

The one who wants to encourage you in every step you’re taking in your life, who wants to help you be better if that’s what you want. Who’s excited to do this whole weird thing we call life with no one else but you. The two of you might have known where you’d end up but the middle was blurry and that’s ok because you were going to figure it out together.

You’ll realise eventually that the girl you’re supposed to be with may not tick every box off of your ‘what I wanted in another person‘ check list. But she doesn’t need to, because what you needed was actually what you never thought to expect, so maybe the universe knew exactly what you needed, but your ideas had become a bit confused.

Life works like that sometimes, it will throw you a curve ball when you don’t want it to, you’ve just got to be open to the idea of catching it … especially when it could win the whole game for you!

 

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So you’ve created a fake account (or you’re thinking about it)

So you’re sat there at home and you’ve talked yourself into a point where you feel like it’s totally fine and acceptable to create a fake social media account to stalk one of your ex’s. Sorry I mean to stalk ‘THE’ ex, the one you can’t seem to get over.

First of all I think we should all agree that you probably needed some kind of intervention before it got to this point, but never mind here we are.

Question number one in this situation will always need to be why you couldn’t just give them a follow on your actual account is already raising some serious alarms, so let’s consider some options as to why this could be shall we ….

  1. You cheated on them and now they’re doing better than you
  2. You’re the one that got cheated on and don’t want to seem pathetic
  3. They’ve been ignoring all your other methods of attempted contact
  4. They hate you (for whatever reason)
  5. You’re with someone else but still obsessing over them because you have an inability to be by yourself
  6. The shame of having them know you still want to see what they’re up to kills you inside
  7. Your actual profile just shows how shitty your life is without them

I think that’s enough reasons for now.

But lets revisit point five, you’re with someone else. If you chose to jump into a new relationship straight after the last one ended well it’s no shock that you’re in this position. Did you know on average it takes someone at least six months to get over a relationship as a minimum? But of course, this all depends of how intense and involved your relationship was.

If you’re still obsessing over what your ex is up to, then maybe you didn’t give yourself enough time alone to figure out who you are without them and replacing them with another body probably wasn’t the answer.

Ultimately, whatever your reason for creating a fake social media account for the purpose of stalking an ex, I think it’s safe to say you probably need a bit of help rather than the ability to see their life sprawled across your phone screen.

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Breadcrumbing is not love

Image result for breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing, the latest trend sweeping across our dating lives.

But you know us modern day lovers, we have to label every action to justify why we weren’t good enough for someone, so here lays the reasoning behind the latest trend …. breadcrumbing.

The likelihood is, you’ve either been responsible of doing it or you’re constantly a victim of it if you dabble in online dating. Or, you have a habit of retreating back to an ex because they promised they’d be different this time.

Breadcrumbing is the newest form of ghosting but slightly more savage, so if you thought being ghosted sucked, you’re going to want to prepare yourself for this one.

The act of breadcrumbing is when someone is sending you just the right amount of flirty messages or empty promises without any real life action or commitment just to make sure you can keep them as a sideline option.

So let’s look at this from an online dating perspective. Think about the person who lands in your online dating inbox with a few smooth one liners and you’re thinking wow great, this one has looks and a personality, we could be onto a winner.

And it may be a bit premature of you, but in your head you’re already deleting all your dating apps and imagining what your insta posts will look like with them beside you, then they drop you the line you’ve been waiting for ‘We should definitely meet for a drink next week when you’re free‘ but what you don’t know is that this is the first of many breadcrumbs heading your way.

The next logical step is of course to trade numbers, and after that comes the exchange of flirty text messages back and forward for a few weeks, which of course is a nice welcome distraction for anyone. A new name and a new number feeding your little ego with lots of compliments.

Now cue the missed dates and the excuses. They’re ‘really’ sorry that they’ve had to cancel again but this project at work has kept them super late and they’re really annoyed they’re going to have to reschedule with you … again *eye roll*

But you’re a self respecting human being, two chances and that’s it, you don’t owe anything to someone you’ve never met, so you take the moral high ground, tell them it’s cool and not to worry about it because we all know these things can happen sometimes, but no messages that will encourage them to keep talking to you.

But a few weeks later here comes the next breadcrumb ‘hey stranger, how have you been doing, I know I still owe you a date, what are you up to on Friday after work?’ ugh, well I guess you can give them another chance right, you guys haven’t spoken in a few weeks but everyone gets busy with life right?

And so plans for the next date attempt commence.

The date comes around, you’ve been looking forward to it. Friday afternoon hits and you haven’t heard from them. But you’re pretty chilled, you wait until mid afternoon to check in, but guess what, you don’t get a reply …. until Sunday.

SUNDAY?! Your date was supposed to be on Friday …. ‘I’m so sorry about Friday, I’ve had a lot going on and it slipped my mind, but I’m gutted I missed out on finally seeing that gorgeous face in person’

And that right there is yet another breadcrumb they’ve tried to feed youYou know who likes breadcrumbs? Birds, and maybe ducks, but not people.

This breadcruming exchange will go on for as long as you keep replying, which will be for quite a while because who doesn’t love unprovoked attention and compliments from a total stranger, or from the person who once upon a time broke your heart? Well, us narcissistic millennials sure as hell love it!

Or if were looking at this from the ‘what we could expect to get from an ex‘ point of view, we could guess it would go something like this – After months of them not responding to the last message you sent in your previous exchange, all of a sudden you’ll look at your phone to see that they’ve sent you something like this ‘I was thinking about you at work today and how good your body feels, I need to see you this week it’s driving me crazy how much I want you. I’m missing us together‘ You get a little excited because subconsciously, this is the text you’ve been waiting for, the one you’ve wanted for months (since the last one they sent you) and this time, well this time you’re going to make sure you’re as available as possible for that dick head ex of yours who treats you like disposable underwear, you know the kind you get given in hospital? Yeah … that’s how bad this is, you’ve downgraded yourself to disposable underwear status.

And of course you exchange a few sexts back and forward, because you love hearing about all the things they say they’re going to do to you. But ultimately when it comes to actually seeing them, guess what? IT DOESNT HAPPEN! Because they’ve just fed you some breadcrumbs and f****d off.

I’m just hoping we can get over this sudden intolerance to gluten everyone seems to have because it seems we’re happy to let people feed us a lot of bread.

At least with ghosting you know you have to go cold turkey, like you’ve had lots of someone until they no longer want to give any of themselves to you and then it’s done, they leave your life and that’s that.

But breadcruming is the equivalent of someone saying ‘I don’t actually want you, I’m too busy with someone else right now, but I’ll keep you warm on the sidelines incase I decide I want to trade in for you at a later date, could be weeks, could be months, who knows, but if you could just wait there that would be great’

And I’m sure reading it out like that makes it sound bad, but I’m glad it sounds bad.

I hope it’s made you reconsider your self worth, or if you’re the person who’s responsible for breadcruming, I hope it’s made you realise how shitty it is!

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THAT feeling

Do you know that feeling, the one where someone else suddenly tears your life apart, destroys your self-worth and although you don’t know it yet, they’ll also be responsible for keeping you up at night for the next good few years wondering why you just weren’t enough (yay bedtime anxiety).

It’s a feeling you get in your chest, like you can actually feel your heart breaking but worse, it feels like there’s suddenly so much pressure on your lungs that you can’t breathe, everything you thought you knew and trusted is gone, just like that. The air feels like its been taken from your body by the same person who told you they’d die for you and yet ironically here you are feeling like your dying AND IT’S BECAUSE OF THEM.

That’s not love. And now here you are, convincing yourself that you’re the reason it all went wrong. It’s your fault they chose to give someone else the same affection they we’re giving you. You pushed them into the arms of someone else, someone who isn’t even better than you.

Maybe amongst all of this, that’s the part that is hurting the most, the fact you know you’re better than the person they risked losing you for.

Oh, did you know that scientists have proven that heart break can invoke physical pain? Yeah so next time, before you do something shitty to the person who’s fallen in love with you, just remember that not only are you mentally scarring them, but you’re actually causing them physical pain by shattering their heart with your selfish immature behaviour.

You know what sucks even more; you’ll never forget a feeling like this. Once someone has crushed you in the worst way possible, you’ll never really forget that, yet somehow, you’ll eventually find it in yourself to fall in love again. Scary right, how being human means, we have so much emotional vulnerability, heartbreak I guess mimics getting a tattoo or having a baby, at the time it hurts like hell but you’d do it all over again just as soon as you’re ready, as if your brain kind of forces you to forget quite how bad it was because the intoxicating feeling of falling in love is worth risking getting your heart broken for.

I know what the worst part of all of this is, it’s the fact they’ve walked away from this unscathed, unbothered and with the whole thing not really causing any knock of effect to their own future. They’ll carry on as if nothing ever happened, while you’re here in pieces trying desperately to find something to hold together mixed bag of broken fragments that make up your trust, self-worth and heart.

The next time they do this maybe they’ll use a different excuse for their behaviour, maybe the next person won’t have to hear them say ‘in my head we broke up a long time ago’ or maybe, they’ll be as narcissistic as ever and blame anything but themselves for their own shitty behaviour.

Just know that you’ll heal, it will take time and you’ll have to be selfish if you want to try and forget that feeling of having your heart broken.

But you’ll get there, because a good heart will always heal.