How to give up on someone

Many of us are taught that persistence is the key to being happy and successful in life. If we work hard and refuse to give up hope, then things will go well for us. This mindset serves most of us well. We struggle, but we’re resilient, so we persist.

But what if we start doing this at the sake of our own sanity and happiness?

I know it sounds like such a positive thing, being persistent, never giving up, believing in people no matter what. But what happens when the things you won’t give up on are the things that hurt you?

Maybe, you need to learn when it’s ok to give up on someone because you know that a situation no longer serves you for the better. Or maybe you just need to be told that it’s ok, it’s ok to give up on someone when they’re no longer showing you that they care.

When you’re bought up to see so much potential in the people you love, and want so badly to see them recognize that potential in themselves. You probably choose to let the good outweigh the bad, to focus on the light instead of the dark. There’s nothing wrong with that, but what happens when that quiet persistence leads to unbalanced relationships?

What happens when you never learned how to give up, how to let people go, how to put your own needs first?

How can you learn to give up on someone when all your life you’ve been told to go after what you want with everything you’ve got and not to stop until you’ve got it, even if you’re the one putting in all the effort and not getting anything back?

In all honesty, I’m not sure you can.

If you’re someone who is born to be persistent and not give up, I think you’ll always be that person. What you do need to learn though is when to step away from someone who is giving you nothing back.

But if you can learn to put more effort into developing yourself, slowly you can realign your goals. Suddenly you’ll realise that your goals sound more like teaching yourself a new language, writing a book or finishing a puzzle, instead of thinking of ways to get someone else to realise what’s holding them back and stopping them from being happy (obviously with you).

It’s not your job to heal them, something that takes years to learn. But if that other person can’t seem to let go of things that have happened in their past, it isn’t your job to heal them. Everyone goes through shit. That’s life. But if they’re someone who can’t let go, well that sounds like a them problem not a you problem.

Eventually you’ll realise you’ve managed to distract yourself with your own personal growth that you’ve given up on them anyway.

So how can you give up on someone? I don’t think you intentionally can. But life goes on and as you realise they’re not moving forward with you and you’ve outgrown them, it will happen without you even knowing it.


What Now?

I’m hurting and it’s because of you, I didn’t realise how much I missed you until I saw you and now I miss you so much it hurts.

It feels as if old wounds have been ripped back open and I’ve had vinegar poured into them just to make sure I remember the sting they left in the first place, I haven’t written like this in such a long time because I thought I had begun to burry the side of me that could feel anything …. But then you touched my face and told me this isn’t the girl you knew, you wanted to know where the sweet girl had gone that you remembered … And all of a sudden, in that moment, with you stroking my face, I felt her coming back, breaking through the walls I had spent the last two months building, the walls that would stop my heart from feeling anything for anyone … Including you.

That ‘other girl’ the one you’re saying has gone … she’d died and not just because of me, but because of you. Every time I felt hurt you were killing her as well, so in all honesty you were kind of the one holding the shovel as I buried her. Who needs feelings anyway .. Especially when they feel as if they are being totally wasted on other people.

But then I realised I’d missed you, I forgot what it had felt like .. Being touched by you, I had forgotten how much I loved your smell and the feel of your skin .. God I love the feel of your skin under my hands, I felt that pull that me and you have every time we look at each other and I know you felt it too!

Why can’t we get rid of it, why won’t it go away, why can’t we stop missing each other and why, why, why is my head filled with you again! Memories going over and over in my head, thinking about how you look at me and how well we balanced each other, I miss how we used to challenge each other and not give in to each other’s bullshit, we both gave as good as we got.

I don’t want anyone else to have you, there I said it. I don’t want to think about someone touching you the way that only I should be able to. I want you to be mine, I don’t want to give anyone else the time of day, I want to give my time to you, not that I have much of it these days, but I want to be the one you talk to when you’re feeling down, or when you have concerns or when you have good news.

When should you give up on getting over someone, please tell me when to give up and give in to you.