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100% Kind of Love

 

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If someone doesn’t love 100% of you, then you need to politely tell them to f**k off.

No seriously, hear me out on this one…

If you don’t in some way love every single, quirk, annoyance and weird habit of the person you’re dating, odds are that you’ve fallen in love with the idea of them rather than the real them.

It’s easy to fall in love with ideas, but falling in love with reality, now thats a hard task.

If you’re looking at the person you’re with and thinking ‘yeah you’re great, but if you didn’t do XYZ you’d be even better’ STEP AWAY!

They’ve been working hard to make that version of themselves since the day they were born and the last thing they want or need is some temporary, mismatched (to them) individual coming along to alter them, because ultimately once you up and leave them once you’ve reshaped them into the thing you think you want, not only are you leaving them heartbroken, you’re also leaving them wondering who the hell they are.

Once you’ve redesigned the end picture of the jigsaw of their life, by removing pieces and jamming in pieces that really don’t go where you’re trying to make them fit, you’ll leave them questioning a lot of things.

And the thing is, they’ve let you alter them because they love you, no demand was too big or too small, you wanted them not to hang out with certain people? Fine, those jigsaw pieces are gone. You weren’t a fan of that weird hobby they had at the weekends? Cool, they’ll drop it to fit into your lifestyle better, another jigsaw piece gone.

Originally, before you came along, the image they were working towards on their jigsaw of life, the one they had been working on since the day they were born, was a dog. Now, since you’ve been in their life, the end image is of a bucket …. they don’t even like buckets, but you do, so it’s fine, because they want to make you happy.

NO. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE.

If you don’t love 100% of the person you’re dating without wanting to change them, leave them alone so they can find someone who loves 100% of them, there’s over 7 billion people in the world, so odds are they can find someone better than you and you’re not as special as you think. Sorry, not really sorry.

Maybe you’re reading this thinking, yeah I’ve done that, I’ve changed my life to please someone else. Well stop it, you don’t need to, if you love 100% of you, someone else can as well, but thats the key thing here, you need to love all your weirdness before you can expect someone else to.

We all have flaws, but few of us can actually own them and stand in front of someone and go, this is me. Yeah I’m not perfect, but neither are you so lets be perfectly imperfect together and I’ll love you anyway.

I’m not asking you to love your partners snoring when they lay on their front, or the way they can’t eat toast unless it’s basically burnt, but all those silly little things make up what is them and if you love them, you’ll get used to their weird quirks.

Don’t place yourself into someones life if you’re wanting to change it, you could just be a temporary part of their life jigsaw, all the other pieces they’ve spent years finding the right places for are the foundations they’ve created with their friends and family and if you try and change those just to fit what you want, well to be honest you’re just a crappy manipulative person.

So love someone 100% or don’t bother loving them at all.

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I Liked The Attention You Gave Me

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You might call it mean, I call it honest. And of course, the truth hurts, but it needs to be said at some point right?

You probably think I was stringing you along and playing games.  I’m sure that’s what you’ll tell yourself to make it easier because that’s what it looked like.  Just know that wasn’t my original intention, that’s not how I felt when it all started between us.

I did everything you’re supposed to do when you like someone. I reeled off every cheesy line that I knew you wanted to hear, I texted you back (most of the time within 24hrs) and matched every bit of affection you gave me with a big smile.

What I didn’t tell you was that my judgment got clouded because I was so focused on your interest in me.  As sad as that sounds, it’s true. I got caught up in it all and didn’t take time to process what was actually going on in my heart properly.

I became totally fixated on the idea of being wanted by someone, but not just anyone … it was you. So I numbed everything else, all the feelings that I should have payed attention to I just blocked them out, all the ones that were telling me this wasn’t really what I wanted.

Every text and touch from you switched on the voices in my brain that told me to like you (or that I should like you). That this could work. So, I believed them.

But once I took a step back, I realised I didn’t like you, not how you liked me. And I definitely didn’t want to keep going forward with this stupid phase of attention I was getting from you.

I liked the attention you gave me, I feed off the initial attention anyone gives me, but with you it felt different. I needed your attention for a while, it made me feel like I had some kind of power over my own life again.

I liked the idea of you.

I liked the idea of our potential and everything within me was begging for my heart to be as into you as my head was. I kept telling myself that maybe this could be the time where everything changes. That maybe there was something there when I knew there wasn’t.

But love doesn’t work like that. It should feel much more beautiful, complicated and simple all at the same time. I know I can’t force it when it’s not there, but every cheesy song and romcom has assured me that I will be certain in my head and my heart when it’s right, when I’m really into someone, I won’t even need to question it.

And we weren’t right, we definitely didn’t feel right to me. You didn’t set my heart on fire so I guess you just weren’t what I wanted after all.

So, the truth is, yes, I only liked the attention you gave me, for a while.

But, can you blame me? It’s easy to get caught up in a moment like this from time to time.

In this day and age, everything becomes misconstrued and temporary.  We become numb and latch onto anything that keeps us from being bored when we’re single. I latched onto you and the attention you were so keen to give me.

And by the time I realised this, it all kind of seemed to be too late. I’d gone along with it for slightly too long to just shrug it all off and carry on with my life like nothing had happened.