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Ex’s and … Oh’s

 

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An oh … you know that sound you make at the front of the mouth and you can use it to show a wide range of emotions, like surprise, shock, regret, disappointment, resounding happiness at the outcome of a situation … I believe that’s a good enough list to show what I mean by a rage of emotions.

But Ex’s and Oh’s … now that really can be a WIDE rage of emotions, like, ‘oh, you mean he didn’t get hit by a car like I dreamed last night, thats a shame’ or ‘oh, holy s!?t we can actually be friends, without wanting to murder each other, or sleep with each other .. WIN’

Today I am writing about the second kind of ‘oh’ because I think theres only so much I can write about wanting some of my ex’s to get hit by a car *insert serious side eye face here for dramatic effect* giphy-3

So picture this, childhood sweethearts, never thought anything would tear them apart because they were all they ever needed and thats all that mattered! … Cue university annnnd growing up annnnd realising that if you were with the same person from the age of 15 to forever that you would probably end up murdering them by the time you were in your 30’s and suddenly the childhood sweethearts were no more. Add in a few drunken post break up shags and almost getting back together and the ‘oh’s’ are starting to sound more like awkward drawn out sudden realisation kind of sounds, you know the ones I mean right? Like the kind of ‘oh’ you say when you’ve caught on to a joke way later than you should have.

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Now we skip five years down the line and the childhood sweethearts actually enjoy talking to each other *shocked gasp sounds made here* but not in like a ‘we are going to get back together and it will be the most romantic story ever’ kind of way, more like a I’m genunily interested in what you are doing with your time these days type of vibe. So this ex’s oh … is more like a surprised kind of ‘oh’ as in … ‘oh, I didn’t realise we could ever genuinely be friends with each other, this is a nice turn of events’

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So this leads me to a question, surely all ex’s and their oh’s are different?

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Please Stop Falling In Love With Me 


I don’t need you to tell me you love me, everyone else does it for you. But I can confidently say that you will have never had anyone telling you that I’m in love with you.

You’re sat in front of me, you’re not saying anything, just looking at me .. Until eventually you roll your eyes and sigh the words .. ‘You’ I can sit here and pretend I don’t know what you mean, but I do … Because I’ve had this same reaction from guys before, but I know exactly what is means when you say it. It means that you’ve tried to stop yourself having feelings for me, you’ve tried for years. But here we are, four years later and back in the same situation. You’re in love with me but you’re with her and my feelings are still non existent.

But I’m not sure if I’ll ever be in love with you, I’m looking for the same stomach knotting feeling I used to get when ‘he’ kissed me, touched me or even looked at me. I miss being obsessed with someone and I don’t know if I’ll ever feel consumed by my body’s reactions to you like how I felt with him … I want magnetic and that’s not what I have with you.

I miss feeling goosebumps appear on my skin as he touches me, that doesn’t happen with you. You aren’t like a drug to my body, because I still feel in control of my actions. I never felt like that around him.

I know you’re as taken by me as he was, but I can’t reciprocate that to you … So this is me acknowledgeding to myself that I need to block you out for a while, because I don’t want you to keep falling for me when I have my feet firmly in place on the ground.

I want something uncontrollable and magnetic … Like I had with him. But that will never be me and you.

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You’ll Either Be Forever Or Never 

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What if we’re scared to start because it might never end? Timing is everything and it is also the one thing that we don’t have on our side right now.

Our hearts can make us do the craziest of things, but here I am … already crazy for you, but this isn’t something I can sit and endure by myself forever.

Falling for your, is something truly terrifying and I’m sat here only just about to admit it to myself. I’m trying to disengage from my head because it’s telling me to do things that my heart won’t agree with. It’s like I’m being pulled by strings that you’re in control of … But you have no idea.

It’s funny how everyone around you sees things before you pick up on them for yourself, do you know how many people have told me that you’re in love with me? I’ve lost count myself.

Is it wrong that all I want is to feel your lips on my neck again, I can’t help but think of it when I’m with you, I want to be close to you but we both know it isn’t a good idea.

I won’t sit here and wait for you to make your mind up. I’m going to carry on as normal, like we have done all this time, taking about pointless things and pretending not to have chemistry, as you lay on my sofa with me or while we’re watching films together … While you tell me I’m your type of girl and that I have a perfect body and that I deserve more than what anyone else has ever given to me before … But I want you to be the person who gives me everything.

Hurry up … Before our opportunity slips away again and before another three years slips away.

How To Tell He Isn’t The One For You

 

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we have all had that moment, when we’re so wrapped up in a new romance that we fail to notice all the signs pointing to the fact that this won’t be forever, sometimes we need to take a step back and evaluate our relationship. You try and ignore all the flaws that your friends are pointing out because you’re trying so hard to pretend everything is perfect.

So what if he’s not Mr Right? How can you tell?

1. You Don’t Trust Him – Jealousy is healthy, but there are limits, you  should not constantly be wanting to check his social media for any potential competition, or inviting yourself on his boys nights out maybe there’s an issue, if you see him talking to other girls you should never jump to conclusions without talking about things first, look to see if anything warrants this distrust and if there is then this could be a big sign that things are not going to work out.

2. Always Trust Your Gut Instinct – If there’s something that isn’t sitting quite right with you, normally that little voice inside your head. Don’t jump into action to listen to this gut feeling straight away, but don’t ignore it either. Normally that back ground thought is there for a reason.

3. He Doesn’t Like Your Friends – As girls we are normally much more ourselves around our best friends than anyone else and if he doesn’t like you when your’e around your friends then I think this speaks for itself? He should like that you are involving him in plans you have with your friends because it means you want him involved in aspects outside of your alone time.

4. He Has A Forever Changing Attitude Towards You – If he seems a bit bipolar with you this is not good, if he loves you he should always love you, not swing from talking to you like you could be a total randomer to as if you’re the best thing to ever happen to him, the latter point should be how he talks to you constantly. If he jumps down your throat at uncalled for points then these kind of mood swings will never change and they will never be much fun for you to experience.

5. You Dread When He Drinks Around you – And by this I mean any amount of alcohol, because after one drink he turns into a total a**** hole that you would never normally give your time to on a night out, if he’s aggressive or rude that really isn’t something nice to be around and if he gets like this then i’m sure you’d be embarrassed to take him out with your friends as well.

6. He Won’t Listen To Issues You Bring Up – If you want to talk to him about things you aren’t happy with in your relationship you should never be worried to do so, you shouldn’t worry that talking about issues will push him away. He should be happy to talk to you about your relationship worries if it would help the both of you in the long run, if he does’t then the likelihood is he doesn’t have much respect for you or your relationship, every healthy relationship has its ups and downs, its how you get through them that will either make or break you as a couple.

7.  His Bad Habits Really Annoy You – Everyone has small habits that others won’t necessarily like, but if your’e starting to hate him because he bites his nails, maybe you should think if there are some other underlying issues that are making you back away.

8. He Doesn’t Want to Share Things With You – And i don’t mean food, I mean life experiences, he should want you at every big moment with him and you should want the same, but if he’s putting off introducing you to his family and not inviting you out to meet his friends, you should ask yourself why that is. He should want to show you off at every given opportunity not leave you at the sidelines for just when he wants some chill time.

Everyone is different in relationships, but if you can create a list in your head of why you shouldn’t be with someone then maybe that shouldn’t be ignored. Sometimes your friends can be the best people to go for advice because they can see things from an outsiders point of view, But the final evaluation of your relationship should always be down to you.

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The Art Of Conversation

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I know full well that I am bad at communicating how I feel, or at least I do now.
I had never been told this before, but now I have been told I notice it almost every day. When I choose to leave a room in silence instead of fill it with pointless conversation it makes me double think, maybe I do need to be able to constantly talk about anything and everything for people to be able to understand what I’m thinking.

I’ve just never felt the need to be like this, unless I’ve known someone for years and I am totally comfortable with them I don’t see the need to vocalise my every thought.
But yet, when other people stop talking I worry. I worry that I’ve done something wrong or that I’ve upset someone. I need other people to constantly talk to me to provide me with some kind of reassurance that I’m doing the right things and I haven’t upset them.
Surely this should be my wake up call to think that other people feel like this as well, maybe people around me constantly think they’ve upset me or are doing the wrong thing because I don’t feel the need to speak all the time.

I don’t want people to feel that way, but I have always felt that unless I have something to say I shouldn’t bother saying anything at all. I just don’t know what to do to fix it, how is it even possible to change a behaviour that you’ve been used to for your whole life. It seems to me almost impossible, but I’ll try. Because I want people around me to know how I feel without me just expecting them to read my mind.

Boy & Girl Friendships

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So here’s the thing, you’re very protective.

It’s flattering though, but he’s not going to appreciate it, having you being protective over his girlfriend because he’s protective as well.
I don’t want us to not be friends anymore, but we are going to have to set some new boundaries. Ones we haven’t had before, because since we have been close I haven’t had a boyfriend, you won’t be used to it. So it’s going to be up to me to set these boundaries in a way that is obvious enough for you to understand them.

When you were with your girlfriend you never really spoke about her and I saw you cheat on her … Twice actually. It shouldn’t have happened and we both know that.
But that’s not the type of mistake I’ll make, because I’m falling for him you see.
I know you’re going to make fun of the whole situation because you haven’t seen me fall for anyone yet … All you’ve seen is how I use people for what I want and then throw them away again.

You’ve created an opinion of me, which is sometimes not the best but yet for the last two years you’ve been head over heels for me (don’t try to pretend like that isn’t true)
I’ll never feel like that for you though, which is why I’m with him and not you.
But I need you in my life and I hope that doesn’t sound selfish. I hope you need me too, I want to think that we’re on this level now where we know each other too well to let each other go.

But we do need to re evaluate the way we talk, I don’t want my new boyfriend feeling uncomfortable about us, I want him to feel reassured and I don’t want him to have a reason to be worried.
So maybe stop the texts asking me for a cuddle late at night should be deemed as no longer being appropriate? I know it’s what you’re like and you’re messing around. But he doesn’t! And I don’t want to ruin things with him.

Can We Still Be Friends?

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It’s taken a good 13 months, a lot of back and forwards but while I’m here sitting in your kitchen after spending a lovely day with you I think we have finally both realised that we can now be friends.

I hope we are both on the same page.
When you apologised for accidentally brushing my hand with your own while we were walking along the road I think we both realised, I didn’t get butterflies from your touch this time and don’t get me wrong my head is swimming with ideas of what I think I want to do to you, but I won’t, because it wouldn’t be right not for either of us.
You bought me lunch, which was lovely and we have spent some moments talking about old times and how things used to be. But I think we can both see now what was, never will be again.
I still love you, a lot. But it’s in such a different way now.
I love being able to talk to you when I want and I will try not to get jealous when you give another girl more attention than what you give me, because that’s the natural response I’ll have after all, we were together for a long time.
I just want you to know that I’m very glad I still have you in my life.
I’m sorry that we took it in turns to hurt each other, we shouldn’t have done that, neither of us deserved it.

I just had this need to make you want me back again after all you had done and after that I felt bad, but I couldn’t help but want to get you back for everything and I just want you to know I’m sorry.

But I’m glad it all happened because now we can move on and be civil to each other and that’s all I want. I want you in my life, as my friend.