conversation

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This One’s For You …. 

Screenshot from You Belong with Me

I thought writing this down would make it easier … I was definitely wrong.

How am I even going to start this conversation?

I think I like you, but maybe more than that .. I’m pretty sure I genuinely have feelings for you and not the kind I ever thought I would. I never thought I would think about you and want you next to me, I miss you when I’m not with you but I know I can’t be with you and I know you’re trying to create some distance between us … that kind of sucks.

Do you remember that time when you got really drunk and I woke up to texts from you telling me that you loved me? I wonder if I still have those … I hope I do, I wish I was getting them from you now.

Are you as scared about the thought of being with me as I am with you? Because I’m terrified! And I don’t mean that in a horrible way, I mean it as in a way of … If we end up together I genuinely believe you’re going to be my forever person and that’s really scary!

I know I need to tell you how I feel before I end up totally fucking this up, I don’t want all of our ‘first time’ situations to be ruined because of them happening in the wrong way. I want everything between me and you to be memorable for all the right reasons.

You know how I HATE showing my feelings, I’ve never been one of theses openly emotional people, so I want you to know that when I tell you I like you that it has taken a lot of courage for me to do that! But I guess that kind of proves how serious I am

But you’re also one of my best friends and you’ve seen me through a lot of shit and that’s what makes this whole thing even more scary! Because I do not want to lose you, even though our friendship is already totally different, don’t think I don’t notice how you get when I talk about dating other people.

So this is for you, the guy im falling for, the guy I would fall apart without.

Chat

The Art Of Conversation

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I know full well that I am bad at communicating how I feel, or at least I do now.
I had never been told this before, but now I have been told I notice it almost every day. When I choose to leave a room in silence instead of fill it with pointless conversation it makes me double think, maybe I do need to be able to constantly talk about anything and everything for people to be able to understand what I’m thinking.

I’ve just never felt the need to be like this, unless I’ve known someone for years and I am totally comfortable with them I don’t see the need to vocalise my every thought.
But yet, when other people stop talking I worry. I worry that I’ve done something wrong or that I’ve upset someone. I need other people to constantly talk to me to provide me with some kind of reassurance that I’m doing the right things and I haven’t upset them.
Surely this should be my wake up call to think that other people feel like this as well, maybe people around me constantly think they’ve upset me or are doing the wrong thing because I don’t feel the need to speak all the time.

I don’t want people to feel that way, but I have always felt that unless I have something to say I shouldn’t bother saying anything at all. I just don’t know what to do to fix it, how is it even possible to change a behaviour that you’ve been used to for your whole life. It seems to me almost impossible, but I’ll try. Because I want people around me to know how I feel without me just expecting them to read my mind.