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Thank You Next

 

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If you can’t imagine introducing him to your family then honestly, what are you wasting your time for?

You might really like him, the sex might be great but when you think of him being around your family you suddenly get a sinking feeling, as if you know that he isn’t what they would want for you. You know your family would want you to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be soppy with you around them, because you know they would be happy to see that someone loves you as much as they do.

So if he’s afraid of physical affection in any way shape or form, is he really the one for you? Don’t get me wrong, PDA is massively off-putting, however, its nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s just in private. If you don’t feel wanted, how can you think that he’s for you?

As someone who is massively family orientated, I will always care about what my family think of my significant other. Which is why I avoid introducing them to anyone until I’m certain about how I feel and I know who they are. No one likes explaining to their parents why someone they were with a week ago at the family BBQ has now done a disappearing act.

So seriously, if you can’t imagine him stood beside you with an affectionate arm around your waist at family events, from BBQ’s to children’s birthdays, from weddings to funerals, then WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?!

You might not be able to focus your attention on anyone else right now, because although he’s a twat, you’re a little bit lust obsessed. But that’s ok, as long as you can acknowledged he is not someone that you should even imagine a future with.

You might love sleeping next to him, but if he isn’t rolling over to spoon you every now and then, or to put your head on his chest to make sure you’re still laying there with him, then you might as well be sleeping alone, because despite him being there, you feel as though he isn’t.

If you’re revelling in the fact that he’s been giving you undivided attention for the last few months (since his last disappearing act) make sure you remember how you feel when he does go back to his old habits … you know, the ones that you’re mysteriously missed out of. Because as nice as his attention is, someone who will be consistent for you, will be better in the long run.

So enjoy him while you can, because he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with forever.

He’s not the one you want to introduce to your family and he’s not the one who treats you how you expected the love of your life to treat you. But he’s fun and he’s easy to talk to, you have things in common, but not enough to make your parents approve of him.

He might be good looking, but if he isn’t willing to show you any affection in front of his friends or your friends, then you need to find someone better, someone who doesn’t want to keep their hands off you, but who knows you well enough to understand that you’re not a fan of PDA, so all they have to do is tell you they cant wait to get you alone later and that will make your day.

If he isn’t loving you the way you want him to, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

So when he ghosts on you again, remember he is not the one you want forever. So you might as well let him disappear, as long as you’re not going to let him come back again (for the fourth time).

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This is what heartbreak looks like

Who knew this is what heartbreak looks like.

Heartbreak has the most beautiful brown eyes and hair so soft you want to run your hands through it every day for the rest of your life. But you can’t keep him, he’s going to break your heart.

Heartbreak tells you the most convincing lies, it’s love he tells you. Everything he does is because he loves you. Poisonous words dressed up as something you need, something you want to keep listening to for the rest of your life. You’ll be able to listen to him for the rest of your life he tells you, but heartbreak is the best liar you’ll ever meet. So convincing, you even start to question if in fact you’re the bad and he’s the good.

Heartbreak needs your attention to make him feel validated. But he doesn’t just need your attention, he needs attention from anyone who will give it and this is why he will end up breaking your heart.

Heartbreak will take your hand and show you off to his friends and family, he likes people knowing that you’re with him. He’ll treat you like the best thing in the world until you’re not anymore.

Heartbreak is handsome and dominant, he loves knowing he makes you feel safe, until he decides he doesn’t want to anymore.

True heartbreak will generate electricity when he touches your skin, and you’ll forever be looking for that spark in a place where your heart is safe. But nothing can awaken your body like heartbreak does.

They teach you to look out for heartbreak but I guess we never expect him to be wrapped in such a charming package, one that you look for on every street, every train and in every passing car.

We can move on from heartbreak, but we can never forget him.

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How ‘Falling Inn Love’ is giving us unrealistic expectations

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If you’re a Netfilx subscriber I’m sure you’ll have seen the latest ‘must watch’ Netflix original film that is ‘Falling Inn Love’ the beautifully romantic story of an American woman who wins a property in New Zealand and her venture to flip the property while trying not to fall in love with the local eye candy.

Cute, right?

But watching it from the perspective of someone who is considering to emigrate half way across the world I guess the one burning question I have is, WHERE WAS HER VISA STRUGGLE?! I mean seriously, it’s great and everything but falling in love with someone who lives in a different country is not going to be without it’s difficulties, so why does this film end on a note where we just assume she gets granted residency in New Zealand because she’s now the owner of an inn and a new boyfriend?

Wouldn’t it be great if as soon as we moved anywhere new and out of our comfort zone, that immediately the most eligible bachelor for that area falls into our arms and despite the fact that he’s been shut off to the world because of some emotional trauma he’s been through, that you, the newbie, the fresh face, the one who knows absolutely nothing about this new place you’ve thrown yourself into … catches his eye almost immediately despite your obvious character differences. Please excuse me while I sip on my ‘wishful thinking’ juice.

But aside from all that, where is her family in all of this? I mean seriously, we get that she went through a traumatic break up with a guy she was still in love with and don’t even get me started on that because honestly, if you’ve just broken up with someone you’re still in love with I can tell you as a fact you’ll find it impossible to ignore their calls and pretend that they don’t exist.

The whole fact that this girl has moved away from everyone she loves into a place that is basically a building site and has no sign of being homesick, well I feel like the whole thing has been hit with the UNREALISTIC stick.

I think it gives us women unrealistic expectations that we’re supposed to be ok every single day after we’ve moved away from everything we know, but actually I think this film is forgetting to address the fact that maybe everything won’t land in your lap when you emigrate, and actually it’s ok to be homesick and miss the people who are familiar to you, down days are ok but so is pushing yourself to keep trying something new.

Sometimes love isn’t enough to make you stay somewhere, but also if you do fall for someone in a different country it doesn’t mean that they can’t move and be with you if you decide to go for that amazing job opportunity back home. Sometimes emigrating is hard, but falling in love with someone who lives half way around the world from you is going to be even harder, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay there forever.

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That wasn’t a real friendship

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‘I’m so glad we’re friends’ ‘we get along so well’ ‘you’re a great friend’ …. I call bullshit.

I have to doubt if that was a real friendship at all, because you don’t delete your ‘friends’ off of social media and not talk to them without any explanation for the whole entirety of your new relationship if you really did feel lucky to have them in your life.

And you know what, I don’t want to be friends with someone who only pops back into my life when it’s convenient for them or they haven’t got anything else to take their time up with.

So quite frankly, you can shove your so called ‘friendship’ into that box with your failed relationship. Because all my other friends, respect me more than to just bow out my life for 9 months at a time when I’m no longer convenient for them.

Ultimately that is what it comes down to, respect for another person. I’ve been shown a clear sign that you didn’t respect me enough to even let me know what had happened not even a ‘my girlfriend doesn’t like us being friends’ and to be honest, that is some seriously crap behaviour.

Us girls, we get it. I’m sure it’s hard getting into a new relationship and then having to explain to the new love of your life (pfffttt) that you have female friends, it’s hard because girls get jealous and it makes us feel insecure when our boyfriends have female friends who they enjoy speaking to.

But it’s the same with guys, boyfriends tend to find it VERY difficult when their girlfriends have guy mates, because a bond like that creates jealousy and jealousy creates relationship tensions, so we feel like it’s easier to cut out our friends of the opposite sex.

I can’t even sit here and pretend like I’m angry because I’m not, I don’t care enough to be angry. You wanted to cut me out and that’s what you managed to do, so this is me saying, it was fine that you done that and I’m sure you had your reasons, but now you can stay out.

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It will be worth the risk

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I think you can feel it you know, when it’s right with someone … you can just feel it in your bones.

Doesn’t matter how hard you try and run from it, you always find your mind wandering to them, even when you wish it would wander in the complete opposite direction. Maybe you don’t want to feel it, maybe you’re trying to avoid it because you’re scared. But deep down, you know you’re right for them and they’re right for you too.

That’s the thing with love though, just when you least expect it, it will come up and bite you. Sometimes (and this is the worst) love will bite you twice. You think you’re already in love with one person and then it comes up and reappears in almost a surprise attack kind of like it’s saying ‘ha, you though that was love before, well that was just a preview, this is the one you’ll really fall for’ and that’s when it’s the worst.

When you fall out of love slightly just to fall back in love again but differently and with someone else, that’s when it’s the worst, because despite what we’re taught about how love shouldn’t hurt, sadly it always ends up hurting someone, especially when more than two people are involved.

But when you can feel it in your bones, then it will be worth the risk. Love isn’t designed to be a straight road, its supposed to be an unforgettable journey and I’m not being funny … but a simple straight road is only there to be forgotten. The ones you remember most are the ones that have been the most dangerous, the ones with all the corners that each reveal another surprise, the ones that offer the most spectacular views after climbing epic hills. That’s the journey you want to take. Even if it seems scary when you start.

That dangerous road is going to be the best route you ever take and trust me when I say it’s worth the risk. You just need to believe you can conquer it (and there’s no way you’ll fail). If you’re heart is set on something enough then bloody well go after it!

You know that palpable tension you can feel with someone when you both look at each other? You know one of you should look away but neither of you really want to. You can literally both feel how much sexual tension is there but neither of you can do anything about it. Well it’s worth taking the risk even just to see what can be made from that tension you can both feel!

Before a big storm, you can almost feel pressure building in the atmosphere, waiting for something to be unleashed and for the sky to make way for the surge of built up energy. And that’s what it’s like when you meet someone you have the right sexual chemistry with.

You’ll be able to feel something between the two of you that no one can see, but every time you catch each other’s eye you’ll feel it, the pressure building between you creating the impression that something impressive is going to happen, just like an electric storm.

You’ve found yourself dreaming about them and you can’t figure out why, well maybe because you know you want to see what would happen if you walk down life’s road with them rather than the one you’re currently on, so much so that now even your subconscious is dropping you subtle hints.

We’re not bought into the world to live our life without taking risks that could possibly turn out to be the best decisions we ever make, so don’t live with a load of ‘what if’s’ live a life full of ‘I tried’s because trying will always be better than never knowing.

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He’s an exemption not the rule

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So you know when you’re laid awake at night, not being able to stop thinking about that one guy who you keep running back to?

Please stop, because I can assure you he is not thinking about you, in fact you probably haven’t crossed his mind for a good few days. The mental energy that he’s stealing from you is wasted, you could be using it to do something positive, like meditation or researching a conspiracy theory, or literally ANYTHING that stops you thinking about the person you’re wasting your life on!

If you’ve got a guy who keeps running back to you as and when you want him even though you’re treating him like a convenience, then he’s the exemption to this kind of situation, not the rule.

While most of us girls lay heartbroken, wondering if we’ll ever get over the guy we know deserves none of our time and yet we would give him every second of it … he’ll be out shagging his way through Tinder, so let that sink in for a second. HE DOESN’T CARE.

Ironically, while us girls are getting over the guy we keep going back to, we normally manage to accidentally string someone along ourselves. This is where the 33% of guys come from who say they’d keep going back to a girl they know they shouldn’t, because the girls they’d go back to were emotionally unavailable and only wanted them 40% of the time, it’s like a half read chapter of a book, you go back to see if you can get to the end of it, it’s kept you curious.

We don’t mean to turn into the girls who could summon back a certain guy as and when we please, but we do also know when we have the ability to do it to certain guys in our contact lists (sorry not sorry) we’re aware that they want us because we’ve managed to remain a mystery to them, we gave enough to keep their interest but not enough for them to feel like they’ve had enough.

So if we’re aware of when we do this, don’t you think guys will be too? The one you keep running back to knows he can text you when he needs you (which is rarely) and you’ll always go to him, even though you wish you could say no. But seeing him on his terms is better than never seeing him at all, at least to you it is anyway.

So before the next time you run back to the guy you’re not over for the 10000th time, just take a second to remember that he knows what he’s doing, he knows he can draw you back in when he wants you and he’ll push you away again as soon as someone else new and interesting comes into the picture.

Any guy who says he’d run back to the same girl over and over even though he knows it will never go the way he wants, is a rarity and it’s because that girl has never totally been his, he’ll keep going back because she keeps spiking his interest even when he doesn’t want her to.

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What does that even mean?

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‘I feel like I could do better than you’ nine of the worst strung together words to ever fall out of someones mouth, especially when they’re saying them straight to your face. Ouch.

But I get it, we say as much as we can to try and divert how we really feel, our defence mechanisms come out in full force when our fight or flight reflexes are letting us down. You know you should run away from a situation that’s bad for you, but you’ve never known bad to feel so good. So you won’t go anywhere.

I have a real habit of leaving a trail of destruction behind me wherever I go, because once someone makes it onto my hit list, I’ll go after them with no regards to anything else around me, and I always get what I want. But it’s ok because that destructive path actually looks kind of pretty, it’s filled with passion, lust and physical desire. Some of the best things to feel for another person.

So what does it even mean, when you’re telling me one thing but I know you mean another. When I know your negative comments are being used as a deflective technique. It’s actually a very good psychological trick, but you won’t have known that. The more you think of something negatively the less you’ll want it, but you’ll have to spend quite a while trying to think of negative things to put you off of me, or shall I pretend not to know that?

When you go from thinking about something almost obsessively, it takes more than a few days to stop old habits. When you want something as bad as that, it’s going to take more than a few deflective words to actually trick your brain. But good luck, because I think you’ll need it.