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The funny guys

The funny guys are the most dangerous….

They’re the ones you look at and think, “he’s not my type, but that will make it easier to be friends” but let me tell you now, you couldn’t be more wrong.

All of a sudden this guy, the one you’d be least likely to go up to in the middle of a club or at a bar, or even double tap a selfie of on Instagram .. has managed to laugh you into bed.

Now you’re just here like, what (and I cannot stress this enough) the fuck?!

This is why they’re the most dangerous. Out of nowhere, someone who if it was just based on looks you wouldn’t even consider giving a second chance to, has managed to distract you so much with their sense of humour, you forgot that they weren’t stereotypically your type.

I mean, good for them … but how does this happen?!

Funny thing is, this isn’t a rare occasion either. Lots of women I know have had this happen to them and it’s ultimately how they’ve ended up marrying someone who’s their best friend. These tend to be the marriages that people look at from the outside and think “but how did he get someone like her?”

I’ll tell you how, he blind sided her with his dad jokes and his non bullshit approach to life! It was literally that simple. He didn’t treat her as if she didn’t have a sense of humour like all the others and above all else, he didn’t care if he impressed her or not … yeah shocker, it was all unintentional!

So to all the guys who think .. “ah I don’t have a chance with her”. Just make her laugh, make her laugh until she forgets you’re not her type, because this is how you end up with a 10/10 when you’re only a 4/10 (on your good days).

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Thank You Next

 

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If you can’t imagine introducing him to your family then honestly, what are you wasting your time for?

You might really like him, the sex might be great but when you think of him being around your family you suddenly get a sinking feeling, as if you know that he isn’t what they would want for you. You know your family would want you to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be soppy with you around them, because you know they would be happy to see that someone loves you as much as they do.

So if he’s afraid of physical affection in any way shape or form, is he really the one for you? Don’t get me wrong, PDA is massively off-putting, however, its nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s just in private. If you don’t feel wanted, how can you think that he’s for you?

As someone who is massively family orientated, I will always care about what my family think of my significant other. Which is why I avoid introducing them to anyone until I’m certain about how I feel and I know who they are. No one likes explaining to their parents why someone they were with a week ago at the family BBQ has now done a disappearing act.

So seriously, if you can’t imagine him stood beside you with an affectionate arm around your waist at family events, from BBQ’s to children’s birthdays, from weddings to funerals, then WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?!

You might not be able to focus your attention on anyone else right now, because although he’s a twat, you’re a little bit lust obsessed. But that’s ok, as long as you can acknowledged he is not someone that you should even imagine a future with.

You might love sleeping next to him, but if he isn’t rolling over to spoon you every now and then, or to put your head on his chest to make sure you’re still laying there with him, then you might as well be sleeping alone, because despite him being there, you feel as though he isn’t.

If you’re revelling in the fact that he’s been giving you undivided attention for the last few months (since his last disappearing act) make sure you remember how you feel when he does go back to his old habits … you know, the ones that you’re mysteriously missed out of. Because as nice as his attention is, someone who will be consistent for you, will be better in the long run.

So enjoy him while you can, because he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with forever.

He’s not the one you want to introduce to your family and he’s not the one who treats you how you expected the love of your life to treat you. But he’s fun and he’s easy to talk to, you have things in common, but not enough to make your parents approve of him.

He might be good looking, but if he isn’t willing to show you any affection in front of his friends or your friends, then you need to find someone better, someone who doesn’t want to keep their hands off you, but who knows you well enough to understand that you’re not a fan of PDA, so all they have to do is tell you they cant wait to get you alone later and that will make your day.

If he isn’t loving you the way you want him to, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

So when he ghosts on you again, remember he is not the one you want forever. So you might as well let him disappear, as long as you’re not going to let him come back again (for the fourth time).

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Do you want to know?

When you look at me is it because you want to know what it feels like to kiss me?

Do you want to know what it feels like to put your hand on my waist as you pull me in closer to you? Do you want to know if you’d be able to make my heart race faster just be breaking all of the rules of ‘space’ we have to have between us.

Do you every try to remember how my skin feels against your lips as you kiss my neck, maybe you could still smell my perfume, or maybe you were too drunk to even notice?

Do you want to find out what it feels like to kiss me before you disappear for good?

Do you want to know what I think? Because I’m thinking about you and how I think you’d kiss me with a sense of urgency, I think it would be like that because you’d have lost the control you’ve been trying so hard to have over not wanting me anymore.

Repressed desire always has a way of sneaking out in the end, but maybe since we only have one opportunity to let it run away with us that makes it ok?

Do you want to lose control for one evening and let yourself think about me? Even though I know how hard you’ve been trying not to.

Would kissing me ruin it for you? This fake sense of control you’ve given yourself.

This evening could be ours, no one else would have to know. Maybe we can let these last few hours wash over us as if no one else was here, because if no one else was here what would you want to do?

Do you still want to know what it would feel like to have me in whatever way you desired most? It’s ok, she doesn’t have to know.

We won’t have to see each other again after tonight so maybe you want to find out what it’s like to kiss me and I mean really kiss me, do you want to know what I think should happen? I think you should lead me away from everyone else and lean in slightly too close to me, just to find out what would happen next.

If you still want to know what it’s like to kiss me, then you should do it on your final few hours when we won’t have to see each other again afterwards, that way looking at me the next day won’t remind you that you have to feel guilty.

So do you want to know what I think? I think you should do it while you still have the chance.

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it’s ok to change your mind

When we were little and being asked if we want to draw with a red crayon or a blue crayon we didn’t get made to feel bad for picking one and then changing our mind halfway through and swapping to the other colour, or changing our mind completely and running off to play outside instead. So why, as adults when it comes to our love life, do we get made to feel like crap for changing our mind about people and situations?

I cannot reiterate this enough, BEING A HUMAN MEANS WE CAN CHANGE HOW WE THINK. Free will is a thing, if you hadn’t realised? But some people don’t, they get so uptight when you no longer want them, or to be in a situation with them that they’ll try and make you feel bad about it.

But here’s the thing, they’re only making you feel bad because they’re no longer the ‘chosen crayon‘ you don’t want to play with them anymore and unlike a crayon which has no feelings or emotion (obviously) they have the ability to kick up a fuss. You’ve changed your mind and don’t want them involved in your game anymore but CHOICE IS CHOICE so to be quite honest, they can just fuck off.

So you find someone at a bar and in the moment you look at them and find them attractive and you think ‘this ones coming home with me‘ one drink leads to another and when you actually get back to wherever it is with them (yours or theirs) it suddenly dawns on you … you actually don’t want them anymore, you’ve realised now that the environment has changed, so has your mood.

In a previous post i’ve mentioned ‘The Ick’ and how quickly it happens. It’s no ones fault, but it’s important to remember we can’t always control how we feel. We can’t help who we fall for and who we don’t. This isn’t something people should take personally because in my mind everyone is someones type. So if one person doesn’t fancy you, another one will.

So view people as crayons, decide on one, change your mind, try something different or don’t … pick a colour and decide that one’s your favorite. There are plenty of crayons in the box and they won’t all get upset and offended when they aren’t chosen.

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Benefits without the friendship

I think Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis had it nailed down. No emotions, no relationship, just sex. It’s easy, you get what you want and best of all there are no expectations what so ever!

Being on a country leaving countdown makes things a bit complicated for me, like there’s no point getting to know someone from scratch, the effort of going through that phase of shit sex while you “get to know what each other like” is just boring.

If I wanted to get into a relationship with someone and really invest in them, then it’s worth going through that phase, but not when you don’t want to get into anything serious because you know you’re leaving the country in a matter of months.

It’s easier to revert to something (or someone should I say) that you feel familiar with. Being in a situation where you both know what makes each other tick, means that sex has the inability to be bad (thank god), you both get what you want and then carry on about your day. Sounds easy.

But it’s only easy if you both want the same thing … absolutely nothing. You can’t have someone as your go to for sex if they’re getting emotionally involved.

When I leave the country in 4 months time, I don’t want someone asking me not to leave. I want to be able to go with no complications and knowing I’ve kept my life as easy as possible, so maybe that means sticking to sleeping with one person for 4 months? Someone that I don’t have to try too hard around? I just want to focus on myself and I guess it would be handy to have a guaranteed shag when I want it from now until I leave.

Friends with benefits is a rubbish term, I mean who actually wants to be friends with someone they have “benefits” with? You just need to know they can get you off, not what their plans are for the week and if they want to go for dinner.

So the less emotional involvement the better. No emotions, no relationship, just sex.

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He’s Just A Friend

He’s just a friend you keep telling yourself.

You aren’t bothered when he doesn’t immediately respond to your messages, you aren’t bothered when he compliments someone else over you, you aren’t bothered by the fact you don’t know where he is or what he’s doing.

He’s just a friend, so why would you be bothered?

Because he’s your friend your stomach doesn’t flip when he messages you, you’re used to seeing his name on your phone, you message each other every day out of routine, not because your worlds would fall apart without each other.

You two being friends means you don’t get jealous when he’s talking to you about the new girl he’s seeing, you don’t care. As his friend you care about when it’s going wrong with someone who loves him, you don’t want him to get hurt because you’d do anything for him … but that’s how everyone feels about all their friends right? You’d go to the ends of the earth for them and back again, if it meant they wouldn’t have to get hurt by someone.

As his friend, you know where you stand. There are no crossed boundaries or blurred lines. You stand on one side and he firmly stands on the other. Everything is just easy and uncomplicated.

Because you’re friends, you know he loves you and you know that anyone you date will see that too but remain undeterred, it won’t bother them because they’ll see that your friendship is straight forward and they never need to get jealous.

The two of you being so close means that you can run to him when the other guys you trust hurt you. You know that when he wraps his arms around you and holds you that there’s nothing in it, because the two of you are just friends.

You don’t wish that he was the one you’d been with in the first place, because you know that he would never hurt you the way some of the others have done, because you’d never cross a line like that. Complicating things is messy and no one likes messy.

Except …..

None of that is true. Not a single word.

And trust me, no one will get it, because it’s complicated.

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If It Was Shit

 

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If it was shit, you wouldn’t find yourself thinking about it when you’re alone. Replaying scenes in your head and constantly going over how he felt.

You wouldn’t wake up in the morning knowing you’ve dreamt about it and then spend the rest of the day obsessively going over and over it in your mind.

You wouldn’t get turned on at just the memory of it if it was shit.

But here you are, laying in bed, thinking about his hands on your skin and you can feel your breathing getting shallower and your heartbeat getting faster as you remember how good his touch feels.

If it was shit, like you partly hoped it would be, you wouldn’t already be thinking about the next time he’ll be between your legs, running his hands over your body and telling you all the things you want to hear.

If it was shit, like it is with most of the others, you wouldn’t even think twice about doing it again … and again and again. You wouldn’t be replaying in your mind every position he had you in or how good he felt and now you’re laying here already dying to feel him again.

It’s hard isn’t it, because if it had been shit, the thought of him on top of you while you buried your face into his shoulder wouldn’t drive you to a point of almost being late for work. Distracted to a point of no easy return.

You wouldn’t find your hands wandering down in between your legs as the memories flood your brain, because if it had been shit, you wouldn’t get turned on thinking about the groans he let out when you reminded him how good you are with your mouth, or the sensation that overwhelmed your body as he trailed kisses across your skin.

Laying in bed, reminiscing over his hands being around your neck and listening to him tell you how good you feel, has provided you with what seems like a never ending array of visual memories to get yourself off to and it makes you realise …..

If it had been shit, it would be easy not to want it again. But it wasn’t shit, in fact it was the total opposite. So you just wait, for the “come to mine” message because you love doing what he asks (in part).

And that’s almost annoying.