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This is what heartbreak looks like

Who knew this is what heartbreak looks like.

Heartbreak has the most beautiful brown eyes and hair so soft you want to run your hands through it every day for the rest of your life. But you can’t keep him, he’s going to break your heart.

Heartbreak tells you the most convincing lies, it’s love he tells you. Everything he does is because he loves you. Poisonous words dressed up as something you need, something you want to keep listening to for the rest of your life. You’ll be able to listen to him for the rest of your life he tells you, but heartbreak is the best liar you’ll ever meet. So convincing, you even start to question if in fact you’re the bad and he’s the good.

Heartbreak needs your attention to make him feel validated. But he doesn’t just need your attention, he needs attention from anyone who will give it and this is why he will end up breaking your heart.

Heartbreak will take your hand and show you off to his friends and family, he likes people knowing that you’re with him. He’ll treat you like the best thing in the world until you’re not anymore.

Heartbreak is handsome and dominant, he loves knowing he makes you feel safe, until he decides he doesn’t want to anymore.

True heartbreak will generate electricity when he touches your skin, and you’ll forever be looking for that spark in a place where your heart is safe. But nothing can awaken your body like heartbreak does.

They teach you to look out for heartbreak but I guess we never expect him to be wrapped in such a charming package, one that you look for on every street, every train and in every passing car.

We can move on from heartbreak, but we can never forget him.

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Do you want to know?

When you look at me is it because you want to know what it feels like to kiss me?

Do you want to know what it feels like to put your hand on my waist as you pull me in closer to you? Do you want to know if you’d be able to make my heart race faster just be breaking all of the rules of ‘space’ we have to have between us.

Do you every try to remember how my skin feels against your lips as you kiss my neck, maybe you could still smell my perfume, or maybe you were too drunk to even notice?

Do you want to find out what it feels like to kiss me before you disappear for good?

Do you want to know what I think? Because I’m thinking about you and how I think you’d kiss me with a sense of urgency, I think it would be like that because you’d have lost the control you’ve been trying so hard to have over not wanting me anymore.

Repressed desire always has a way of sneaking out in the end, but maybe since we only have one opportunity to let it run away with us that makes it ok?

Do you want to lose control for one evening and let yourself think about me? Even though I know how hard you’ve been trying not to.

Would kissing me ruin it for you? This fake sense of control you’ve given yourself.

This evening could be ours, no one else would have to know. Maybe we can let these last few hours wash over us as if no one else was here, because if no one else was here what would you want to do?

Do you still want to know what it would feel like to have me in whatever way you desired most? It’s ok, she doesn’t have to know.

We won’t have to see each other again after tonight so maybe you want to find out what it’s like to kiss me and I mean really kiss me, do you want to know what I think should happen? I think you should lead me away from everyone else and lean in slightly too close to me, just to find out what would happen next.

If you still want to know what it’s like to kiss me, then you should do it on your final few hours when we won’t have to see each other again afterwards, that way looking at me the next day won’t remind you that you have to feel guilty.

So do you want to know what I think? I think you should do it while you still have the chance.

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Swings and roundabouts

Just like the story of Romeo and Juliet, but the edited version … where Romeo is a complete twat and Juliet is a needy bitch.

Oh and the fact that hopefully no one will die, except apparently it is possible to die of a broken heart and maybe just maybe that’s how this will end.

This story that’s going round and round, this stupid modern day romance story, where a happy ending is looking less and less likely because we have countless options of our fairy tale ending right at our finger tips.

Neither of you want the other at the right time and when one of you is falling hard the other one is shutting off faster than a fat man at a juice detox retreat. Because what’s more gross than when one person has feelings and the other one doesn’t (ew, cringe)

Remember as children we’re always told ‘oh you just want that because you can’t have it‘ well guess what … adults get that as well! Except it’s less likely to be with material objects and tends to be more with wanting attention from people we can’t get it from.

And that’s where we get back to “our story” because you’ll only want me when I’m pulling away from you and, to be fair this is where we’re the same and it is what I would class as our downfall.


The equation of you and me:

You + wanting me = me not wanting you + you getting bored = you giving less attention

(You – your undivided attention = me wanting you) = Me + wanting you = you not wanting me


I could be driving myself crazy being head over heels in love with you (and trust me I know because I have been) but because I feel like that we both know you’ll be pulling away at a rate of knots! It’s all so tragic and romantic (not).

Oh modern love! Aren’t you awful and disgusting! I wish we could go back to the era of our grandparents where you married your childhood sweetheart and stayed together forever, but nope. That’s not how life really works anymore.

So how does this compare to Romeo and Juliet? Well, it’s tragic isn’t it? Paired with the swings and roundabout leading to continuous heart break and external forces keeping two people apart.

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That wasn’t a real friendship

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‘I’m so glad we’re friends’ ‘we get along so well’ ‘you’re a great friend’ …. I call bullshit.

I have to doubt if that was a real friendship at all, because you don’t delete your ‘friends’ off of social media and not talk to them without any explanation for the whole entirety of your new relationship if you really did feel lucky to have them in your life.

And you know what, I don’t want to be friends with someone who only pops back into my life when it’s convenient for them or they haven’t got anything else to take their time up with.

So quite frankly, you can shove your so called ‘friendship’ into that box with your failed relationship. Because all my other friends, respect me more than to just bow out my life for 9 months at a time when I’m no longer convenient for them.

Ultimately that is what it comes down to, respect for another person. I’ve been shown a clear sign that you didn’t respect me enough to even let me know what had happened not even a ‘my girlfriend doesn’t like us being friends’ and to be honest, that is some seriously crap behaviour.

Us girls, we get it. I’m sure it’s hard getting into a new relationship and then having to explain to the new love of your life (pfffttt) that you have female friends, it’s hard because girls get jealous and it makes us feel insecure when our boyfriends have female friends who they enjoy speaking to.

But it’s the same with guys, boyfriends tend to find it VERY difficult when their girlfriends have guy mates, because a bond like that creates jealousy and jealousy creates relationship tensions, so we feel like it’s easier to cut out our friends of the opposite sex.

I can’t even sit here and pretend like I’m angry because I’m not, I don’t care enough to be angry. You wanted to cut me out and that’s what you managed to do, so this is me saying, it was fine that you done that and I’m sure you had your reasons, but now you can stay out.

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He’s an exemption not the rule

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So you know when you’re laid awake at night, not being able to stop thinking about that one guy who you keep running back to?

Please stop, because I can assure you he is not thinking about you, in fact you probably haven’t crossed his mind for a good few days. The mental energy that he’s stealing from you is wasted, you could be using it to do something positive, like meditation or researching a conspiracy theory, or literally ANYTHING that stops you thinking about the person you’re wasting your life on!

If you’ve got a guy who keeps running back to you as and when you want him even though you’re treating him like a convenience, then he’s the exemption to this kind of situation, not the rule.

While most of us girls lay heartbroken, wondering if we’ll ever get over the guy we know deserves none of our time and yet we would give him every second of it … he’ll be out shagging his way through Tinder, so let that sink in for a second. HE DOESN’T CARE.

Ironically, while us girls are getting over the guy we keep going back to, we normally manage to accidentally string someone along ourselves. This is where the 33% of guys come from who say they’d keep going back to a girl they know they shouldn’t, because the girls they’d go back to were emotionally unavailable and only wanted them 40% of the time, it’s like a half read chapter of a book, you go back to see if you can get to the end of it, it’s kept you curious.

We don’t mean to turn into the girls who could summon back a certain guy as and when we please, but we do also know when we have the ability to do it to certain guys in our contact lists (sorry not sorry) we’re aware that they want us because we’ve managed to remain a mystery to them, we gave enough to keep their interest but not enough for them to feel like they’ve had enough.

So if we’re aware of when we do this, don’t you think guys will be too? The one you keep running back to knows he can text you when he needs you (which is rarely) and you’ll always go to him, even though you wish you could say no. But seeing him on his terms is better than never seeing him at all, at least to you it is anyway.

So before the next time you run back to the guy you’re not over for the 10000th time, just take a second to remember that he knows what he’s doing, he knows he can draw you back in when he wants you and he’ll push you away again as soon as someone else new and interesting comes into the picture.

Any guy who says he’d run back to the same girl over and over even though he knows it will never go the way he wants, is a rarity and it’s because that girl has never totally been his, he’ll keep going back because she keeps spiking his interest even when he doesn’t want her to.

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Sometimes it sucks

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Sometimes, two people just click. Sometimes, the conversation flows easily. Sometimes, it sucks when it all hits a dead end way before it starts.

But maybe clicking with someone like that isn’t enough anymore, maybe it has to be more than a click to even be worth taking a risk on, especially when you’re not sure what you’ve got to lose.

When you walk away from someone you click with without any resolve, there’s so many questions left unanswered. There’s never any closure given. There’s never a surefire way to tell whether you just walked away from the love of your life without realising it or whether you didn’t lose anything special at all.

It sucks when someone stays a stranger when you’re curious about having something more.

I know it’s the worst when you meet someone, you feel a spark with them and you never get a chance to see if it could turn into something else, when a relationship is never even given the chance to get off the ground it’s kind of tragic. Personally, I hate when I hit it off with someone and nothing comes of it, it just turns into a moment preserved in time, but not one that you’ll even bother to remember forever.

It’s something that sucks right now, but hasn’t had a big enough impact to suck long term.

Maybe in a way I’d rather have something that can cause a long term effect, maybe then it would feel more worthwhile, rather than a wasted connection that you haven’t even given into long enough to see what it could become.

I really believe that throughout your life, you’ll meet and date people who simply won’t understand your sick twisted humour or laugh at the weird jokes you make, but you should wait for the person who can laugh along with you when no one else seems to get it, because this is the person you’ll click with, the one you’ll find things easy with and above all, the one who you won’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing to because they’ll just get it.

Throughout your relationships, it’s important to be patient. Be patient and wait for the person who is just as weird as you are, be patient for that click and make sure to give it a chance to get off the ground, after all …. you want to make sure it has the opportunity to suck long term.

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What does that even mean?

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‘I feel like I could do better than you’ nine of the worst strung together words to ever fall out of someones mouth, especially when they’re saying them straight to your face. Ouch.

But I get it, we say as much as we can to try and divert how we really feel, our defence mechanisms come out in full force when our fight or flight reflexes are letting us down. You know you should run away from a situation that’s bad for you, but you’ve never known bad to feel so good. So you won’t go anywhere.

I have a real habit of leaving a trail of destruction behind me wherever I go, because once someone makes it onto my hit list, I’ll go after them with no regards to anything else around me, and I always get what I want. But it’s ok because that destructive path actually looks kind of pretty, it’s filled with passion, lust and physical desire. Some of the best things to feel for another person.

So what does it even mean, when you’re telling me one thing but I know you mean another. When I know your negative comments are being used as a deflective technique. It’s actually a very good psychological trick, but you won’t have known that. The more you think of something negatively the less you’ll want it, but you’ll have to spend quite a while trying to think of negative things to put you off of me, or shall I pretend not to know that?

When you go from thinking about something almost obsessively, it takes more than a few days to stop old habits. When you want something as bad as that, it’s going to take more than a few deflective words to actually trick your brain. But good luck, because I think you’ll need it.