Chat

Ambition and compatibility

You’re on different paths, and your paths are steering away from each other, beautifully unsynced, never meant to join and run in harmony forever.

But that’s ok.

Who’d have thought that your biggest ‘what if’ would have been over someone you thought you wanted to spend your life with.

But that’s what happens when one person is driven to move forward and the other is content with being stagnant, going round in circles.

Whether we like it or not, levels of ambition are key to compatibility, you can’t have one person excelling forward while dragging someone with them kicking and screaming. You have to be willing to push each other forward as much as you can if you’re keen to be successful, support each other’s dreams and be willing to remind each other of how far you’ve both come.

On the other hand, there are people who are happy to reach a level in their life and then remain stagnant, you’ll think you’ve reached your highest point and you’re happy with where you are.

That’s fine, but that’s not what she’s like.

You admire her because she’s forever chasing after her ambitions, you watch her go after what she wants while you sit content, happy with exactly where you are and what you’re doing.

Your paths are different, and that’s ok. But ultimately that’s what will keep the two of you apart.

She’s scared of knowing what her forever looks like, maybe because she’s worried her forever won’t be the kind of person to make sure she keeps hold of her ambition and drive to constantly move forward and chase after what she wants, or maybe she’s scared because she’s seen what staying still can do to people.

So before you promise her forever, before you decide that you want to be her future, ask yourself if you can help make sure she remains determined and ambitious, will you let her stop excelling when she says that you’re now all she wants, or will you be there pushing her up towards her goals?

Remember, right now she doesn’t need you, she’s busy going after exactly what she wants. So if she wants you, that’s a privilege.

Chat

Here’s to another failed lover

She was too much, too eccentric, too creative, too passionate.

Too good…..

When she spoke about her passions her eyes lit up, but when she spoke about you her soul was alight. And for you, that was too much.

All she wanted was for you to have her body, she wanted you to fuck her like you’d missed her after all those weeks apart. She wanted you to at least pretend to be as obsessed with her as she had been with you.

A woman filled with that much love and passion would have always been too good for you, a guy who is chasing after perfection but doesn’t know what it looks like.

I can’t give you what you want right now, I think it’s best we stop before we get carried away

What you should’ve told her is how you’re ready to invest in the idea of someone else who isn’t her, you’re ready to give someone else everything they want, but she didn’t quite make the cut, she couldn’t get to have you like that, ready to do anything for her.

So for one last night, pretend to want no one else but her, like you’ve managed to do so masterfully until now.

Hold her as though having anyone else in your arms would feel wrong, take control of her the way she loves. She’s spent weeks reminiscing about how strong you were when you pushed her against your kitchen wall, how quick you were to touch every inch of her body and how night went into day as you spent time making sure no one would ever make her feel the way you had.

Remind her how good it feels to be wanted by you, even if you know that after tonight, she’ll never know that feeling again.

In a few weeks you’ll be a distant memory and she’ll have found someone else to obsess over, someone else to fill position number four in her line up of love interests.

You were just one of her many failed lovers, but for the time you were in her life, you were the only one she craved attention from, the only one who’s affection felt like a drug. The only one she needed daily attention from to function.

But she was too good for you, and next week you’ll be replaced with someone new, someone better.

Chat

So he wants some space?

images

Space … a funny word really because what is space, is it standing more than one foot apart from each other? Is it never being in the same room alone? Or maybe it’s avoiding conversation with someone completely.

So answer this, whats scary about getting too close? What’s the risk, you miss someone more than you want to? Or you fall for someone when you’re at a phase that’s making you try so hard to remain balanced, but you know what, life doesn’t care about our planned timings, not everything happens when it should do, but wouldn’t we get bored without a few hurdles?

Love is supposed to be messy, the best story beginnings never tend to start smoothly.

Most people ask for space to save their own feelings, they don’t want to get attached and ultimately the more time you spend with someone the more attached you begin to get.

Or maybe he want’s some space because he thinks you’re too much, now he knows he has you perhaps he’s realised he doesn’t want you like the thought he did and now wants some space to weigh up his other options? Ouch, quite a sour thought!

He probably doesn’t realise the space he’s so desperately trying to get is hurting you, he’s trying to protect himself but in the process he’s leaving you feeling confused and unwanted, two of the worst feelings in the world when it comes to matters concerning the heart!

Maybe you should grant him his space, let him pull away, sure there’s a risk that he won’t swing back to you, but if he doesn’t maybe you’re better off?

Or, an alternative idea, show him how much you like him, that this isn’t a phase, he doesn’t need to worry about you getting bored, you’re in it with him now and yes it’s scary but it’s worth the risk.

Maybe he has got other options he needs to weigh up, or other stuff he has to sort out (get rid of any baggage he can’t seem to leave behind) but who cares, you know that none of his other options are you, and he knows that as well.

Sometimes what we need is closest to us and we shouldn’t be trying to get space from the person we want the most just to protect ourselves.

Chat

It actually isn’t him, it’s you!

How many hours have you pondered his thoughts? Wondering what he’s doing? Why he isn’t texting you, if he’s texting someone else, when he’s actually going to reach out.

How much time do you waste wondering what he may never tell you and what he’s thinking?How many minutes, staring at your screen trying to dissect every last text. Understand why he follows who he follows. Why he posts what he posts.

So. Many. Why’s.

While you’re sitting up late at night, wondering the thoughts of his brain you’re wasting time. Time you could spend on so many other people, and things. On people who actually follow through with their actions. People who continuously show you how much they care about you. But it still isn’t enough, if it isn’t coming from him, right?

How many minutes you have wasted on his thoughts, when you could have been doing something for you. Finally finishing that book you keep re-starting. Draw a bath. Grab a drink with an old friend. No. Instead he has wrapped his hands around your brain, once again. Once again, you are paralyzed by the idea of his ideas. By his thoughts, and your lack of knowledge.

And then just like that, you look at your phone and he’s reached out. Just like nothing ever happened, like no time has passed. Simply ready to strike up another conversation, like all is well in the world. And all is well. All has been well. But then you begin to think about all that time you wasted, when you could have been enjoying the moments you were in but instead you’ve spent all day distracted and closed off from everything. All this time wasted worrying about what his mind was thinking. Giving him all this power over you. All this power, he isn’t even aware he’s had!

The wasted time isn’t his fault though, he didn’t ask you to dissect his every move, he didn’t ask you to read into his Instagram posts, he didn’t ask for any of it. He didn’t even know it was happening, he literally had no idea! No idea that a day of not speaking would do this and drive you crazy. While you questioned where his mind was, he was living his life, just like you should have been.

He had no idea you were concerned because he was too busy minding his own business and getting on with his day, all while you wasted your own time. And let’s face it, you’d be too embarrassed to tell him the truth, that this small thing kept you up all night long, not hearing from him had left you wondering the unknown. Venting to your friends, about how you think this is just another loss another waste of time and almost feelings, chalking it up to yet another guy with commitment issues. And you were beginning to question if he’s even good enough for you anyway, or that maybe something’s just wrong with him.

When in all reality, it isn’t him, at all. He still likes you just as much as the day before. He is still interested, he still finds you cute, he still wants to follow through with those Friday night plans.

And of course he does why wouldn’t he? I mean look at you. He just had a bit of a day and you know what those days are like, yet you went crazy over it. It’s time to get out of your own head, but most importantly it’s time to get out of his head.

So seriously, stop getting in your own way with this crazy over thinking and constant questions!

Chat

You’re just bored

We’ve all been there … I think.

You’re bored so you start giving someone attention when you really shouldn’t. You start flirting when you know you shouldn’t, but boredom brings out the worst in us sometimes!

You’re sat scrolling through your phone when suddenly you remember that person who’s always up for receiving your attention and you just can’t help yourself, before you know it, it’s happened you’ve sent the oh so boring “hey” text and then carry on scrolling through social media as if nothing ever happened.

Of course it’s only seconds until they reply, but they’ll always been a bit more keen, why wouldn’t they be when you’re always the one who decides when the conversation stops and starts … so their “hey” message also includes a smiley emoji, which of course, makes you cringe a bit inside.

You know you shouldn’t do it, but it’s so easy! All you want is some attention and this one person who you have no investment in what so ever will freely give it to you and expect nothing in return … which probably means they actually like you and here you are just being a bit of a dick about it, but as you’ve been told before, all is fair in love and war and in the game of modern day love, not a lot turns out to be fair!

All of a sudden you find yourself three weeks into some intense flirting game and you realise something …. you realise you’re no longer bored and you don’t want to bother anymore. Awkward.

The point is, maybe there’s something else we can do when we’re bored? Maybe we don’t have to start playing around with people. Maybe we can take up a hobby instead?

But this is like the good old back and forward exchange that normally happens when you’ve just broken up with someone. You know you don’t want them but you like the attention they give you, so you’ll just fish around until you get a bite from them.

I get it, we’re all human and sometimes we just need to have a compliment thrown our way or we just want to feel wanted.

But just make sure you can tell the difference between when you’re just bored … and when you’re actually into someone.

Chat

The funny guys

The funny guys are the most dangerous….

They’re the ones you look at and think, “he’s not my type, but that will make it easier to be friends” but let me tell you now, you couldn’t be more wrong.

All of a sudden this guy, the one you’d be least likely to go up to in the middle of a club or at a bar, or even double tap a selfie of on Instagram .. has managed to laugh you into bed.

Now you’re just here like, what (and I cannot stress this enough) the fuck?!

This is why they’re the most dangerous. Out of nowhere, someone who if it was just based on looks you wouldn’t even consider giving a second chance to, has managed to distract you so much with their sense of humour, you forgot that they weren’t stereotypically your type.

I mean, good for them … but how does this happen?!

Funny thing is, this isn’t a rare occasion either. Lots of women I know have had this happen to them and it’s ultimately how they’ve ended up marrying someone who’s their best friend. These tend to be the marriages that people look at from the outside and think “but how did he get someone like her?”

I’ll tell you how, he blind sided her with his dad jokes and his non bullshit approach to life! It was literally that simple. He didn’t treat her as if she didn’t have a sense of humour like all the others and above all else, he didn’t care if he impressed her or not … yeah shocker, it was all unintentional!

So to all the guys who think .. “ah I don’t have a chance with her”. Just make her laugh, make her laugh until she forgets you’re not her type, because this is how you end up with a 10/10 when you’re only a 4/10 (on your good days).

Chat

This is what heartbreak looks like

Who knew this is what heartbreak looks like.

Heartbreak has the most beautiful brown eyes and hair so soft you want to run your hands through it every day for the rest of your life. But you can’t keep him, he’s going to break your heart.

Heartbreak tells you the most convincing lies, it’s love he tells you. Everything he does is because he loves you. Poisonous words dressed up as something you need, something you want to keep listening to for the rest of your life. You’ll be able to listen to him for the rest of your life he tells you, but heartbreak is the best liar you’ll ever meet. So convincing, you even start to question if in fact you’re the bad and he’s the good.

Heartbreak needs your attention to make him feel validated. But he doesn’t just need your attention, he needs attention from anyone who will give it and this is why he will end up breaking your heart.

Heartbreak will take your hand and show you off to his friends and family, he likes people knowing that you’re with him. He’ll treat you like the best thing in the world until you’re not anymore.

Heartbreak is handsome and dominant, he loves knowing he makes you feel safe, until he decides he doesn’t want to anymore.

True heartbreak will generate electricity when he touches your skin, and you’ll forever be looking for that spark in a place where your heart is safe. But nothing can awaken your body like heartbreak does.

They teach you to look out for heartbreak but I guess we never expect him to be wrapped in such a charming package, one that you look for on every street, every train and in every passing car.

We can move on from heartbreak, but we can never forget him.