Dreams

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Maybe this is just our Disney story?

You know the main parts that make up a Disney love story right? No? Ok let me lay them out for you.

1. You’ve got the accidental (or destined) meet of the two lovers, the prince and the princess.

2. Then you have the conflict (whatever battles the two of them must try and get through together).

3. Then the evil witch pops up that stands in the way determined to rip the two of them apart.

4. And finally …. the happily ever after (or so we hope).

The moral of the love story tends to be that once they vanquish their foes, they can finally be together, and Disney will have you believe from then on that it’s happily ever after and will only be easy from this point as they walk off into the sunset (I’ll get into why this maybe won’t be the case eventually).

So, if you’re reading this as someone who has a romanticiser relationship tendency, I’m going to try and explain this story in a way you may understand, because I know how much you want to believe that the if you were with the right person the love should be easy and effort free, with no hurdles and nothing trying to keep the two people apart (dumbass).

Here begins our once upon a time…..

The meet of the two characters destined to fall in love was kind of cute actually, kind of unexpected and lead to a push and pull courtship. The princess didn’t actually want the prince to begin with, she was so adamant she didn’t want love (because she was terrified of it) that she pulled away and that lead him into a push mentality (pushing towards her to fill his craving for acceptance from people who show you distain) the courtship phase was a tricky one while the prince battled the thoughts of trying to fulfil what his families wishes for him (cue how we’ve stollen part of our story from the tale of Cinderella, he had to marry a princess specifically chosen for him even though he didn’t want to but that the role the one he had to go along with as a prince) anyway, he found the princess he wanted, but she didn’t quite fit the mould of what everyone wanted for him, which created their first conflict … well mental battle kind of conflict for him to sort out.

But actually, their main conflict came into play, when the evil witch appeared in full force and stayed present constantly manipulating the prince in the story (now we’re seeing how we’ve got some alignment to the little mermaid).

The irony of how the evil witch was in his ear trying to get him away from the princess he wanted, convincing him to believe a fake reality. A reality that didn’t involve his princess at all.

The conflict section of this story ended up tearing them away from each other. Resolution was avoided. For months actually, so the evil witch won … for a while.

But of course that’s not the end of the story, because we’re telling a romantic story and in this world love will always prevail over evil (always).

They found each other again, these two people that fate was determined to pull together at some point during the course of their lives.

And this time, they tried to avoid the evil witch in their Disney story by using magic techniques (cue Harry Potter magic, yes I am aware of the fact this isn’t Disney whatever) they walked around under the nose of the evil witch wrapped in a cloak of invisibility.

All the while they were wrapped up together his princess was trying to free her prince from his demons, the ones that she saw turn him into a version of himself that he wasn’t (now we’re into beauty and the beast vibes) she saw how the expectations of those around him was draining his energy and he needed her, to bring out the side of him that he’d forgotten existed, the side that came out when he was given unquestionable love and support, although she knew he was kind, gentle and selfless, he’d lost sight of that for himself and was tricked into believing he wasn’t worthy of love because those around him had spent so long convincing him he lacked worth.

That phase of romantic bliss where they were undeniably happy all of a sudden was whipped away from them when the evil witch got a sense of someone around her being happy and she didn’t like it, she thrived on those around her being unhappy and unfulfilled like her. She was happy when the prince could be on her level. And she wasn’t happy when he was happy because of someone else. To her if he wasn’t the same as her, which was platonically unimpressed by life and things around her, she didn’t like it and would set out to destroy it.

So just like before, she destroyed it and the worst part was …. he let her, by unwittingly falling victim to her toxicity by being so used to listening to negative comments about his decisions. He was blinded by wishing that somewhere deep down the evil witch was in fact good (but she never was).

Ultimately, if we put this into modern day psychology terms, his soulmate mentality overrode his fix-it mentality and just like that, he let his happily ever opportunity slip away because he wasn’t brave enough to stand up for his princess. The one who made up his Disney story (and he loved the idea of true love).

But Disney romances never end badly, right?

TO BE CONTINUED…..

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It will be worth the risk

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I think you can feel it you know, when it’s right with someone … you can just feel it in your bones.

Doesn’t matter how hard you try and run from it, you always find your mind wandering to them, even when you wish it would wander in the complete opposite direction. Maybe you don’t want to feel it, maybe you’re trying to avoid it because you’re scared. But deep down, you know you’re right for them and they’re right for you too.

That’s the thing with love though, just when you least expect it, it will come up and bite you. Sometimes (and this is the worst) love will bite you twice. You think you’re already in love with one person and then it comes up and reappears in almost a surprise attack kind of like it’s saying ‘ha, you though that was love before, well that was just a preview, this is the one you’ll really fall for’ and that’s when it’s the worst.

When you fall out of love slightly just to fall back in love again but differently and with someone else, that’s when it’s the worst, because despite what we’re taught about how love shouldn’t hurt, sadly it always ends up hurting someone, especially when more than two people are involved.

But when you can feel it in your bones, then it will be worth the risk. Love isn’t designed to be a straight road, its supposed to be an unforgettable journey and I’m not being funny … but a simple straight road is only there to be forgotten. The ones you remember most are the ones that have been the most dangerous, the ones with all the corners that each reveal another surprise, the ones that offer the most spectacular views after climbing epic hills. That’s the journey you want to take. Even if it seems scary when you start.

That dangerous road is going to be the best route you ever take and trust me when I say it’s worth the risk. You just need to believe you can conquer it (and there’s no way you’ll fail). If you’re heart is set on something enough then bloody well go after it!

You know that palpable tension you can feel with someone when you both look at each other? You know one of you should look away but neither of you really want to. You can literally both feel how much sexual tension is there but neither of you can do anything about it. Well it’s worth taking the risk even just to see what can be made from that tension you can both feel!

Before a big storm, you can almost feel pressure building in the atmosphere, waiting for something to be unleashed and for the sky to make way for the surge of built up energy. And that’s what it’s like when you meet someone you have the right sexual chemistry with.

You’ll be able to feel something between the two of you that no one can see, but every time you catch each other’s eye you’ll feel it, the pressure building between you creating the impression that something impressive is going to happen, just like an electric storm.

You’ve found yourself dreaming about them and you can’t figure out why, well maybe because you know you want to see what would happen if you walk down life’s road with them rather than the one you’re currently on, so much so that now even your subconscious is dropping you subtle hints.

We’re not bought into the world to live our life without taking risks that could possibly turn out to be the best decisions we ever make, so don’t live with a load of ‘what if’s’ live a life full of ‘I tried’s because trying will always be better than never knowing.

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Your Relationship Should Be 60/60 Not 50/50

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Giving something 110 percent is a common expression, meaning your absolute maximum effort. It means going beyond 100 percent of your effort and giving that extra 10 percent.

When it comes to relationships, maximum effort is usually defined as the relationship being 50/50. This just means both people in the relationship are contributing equally to the level they feel like is ok.

Just because you’re contributing equally doesn’t mean it’s always enough though. Relationships, just like anything else important in life, require maximum effort. Many times, you just need to give that extra 10 percent. I believe successful relationships should be a 60/60 split effort. Relationships thrive when both people contribute as much as they can and go slightly above the levels of effort they’re used to.

Unbalanced relationships are hard and will rarely last. They usually stem from one person caring about the relationship more than the other. Often, we let things like love or infatuation cloud our vision and lead us to believe that it’s okay to carry the majority of the weight in the relationship when it’s not.

A healthy relationship shouldn’t be a one-way street. When two people care about each other, they are not burdened by being aware of carrying their own equal amount of weight. They understand things will not always be balanced perfectly, since some people’s best effort can be greater than others.

The 60/60 rule doesn’t necessarily mean the contributions are perfectly equal; it just means each person is giving it his or her all, plus that extra 10 percent.

A healthy relationship is a support system. For a support system to work, it needs to be a two-way street, hence the 60/60 rule. Both partners should establish themselves as supportive figures in each other’s lives. You should do your best to understand and support your partner’s dreams. Create dreams with your partner, in fact!

Sometimes, we’re able to be empathetic and see the world through our partners’ eyes, and we become frustrated when our partners see things differently. A support system requires both partners to do their best to reciprocate the support they receive from one another.

Not only is it important to support your partner’s dreams, but you should also push him or her to achieve accomplishments things they may not have been able to do on their own. You shouldn’t be with someone who just “makes you want to be a better person,” you should be with someone who empowers you to become that better person, who gives you the determination to push towards your goals because your ambitions are also his/her ambitions

When you’re in a relationship in which both you and your partner give the extra 10 percent, you’ll feel as though you can accomplish anything with his or her help, and he or she will feel the same way.

Hopefully when you and your partner come together, you feed off each other’s efforts and achieve much more together than you each would be able to achieve individually, especially by giving that extra 10%

Relationships don’t have to hold you back; if anything, they can help you move forward. Your partner’s support can be the reason for something great in your life and vice versa. When in a relationship, be sure to give it your all and don’t settle for anything less than your partner’s all either.

The Not So Typical Fairy Tale

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Not so long ago, in a not so honorable land lived a princess with a heart of ice. Everyone who met her would describe her as beautiful, but the princess had a. serious aversion to compliments. People would travel from near and far just to gaze into her piercing blue eyes and admire her long brown hair.

She was not the type of girl that took nonsense from anyone and would dismiss any of her subjects at a moments notice without any hesitation. People came from all across the land to try and melt her heart of ice. But she was far too stubborn and would not allow anyone to get close enough to try.

In the same dishonorable land lived a prince, who had subjects falling at his feet, this typical reaction may have been the result of his undeniable charm, his ability to sweet talk anyone who came across him, but he would never entertain their interest in him for very long, he became bored. None of them had the qualities he was looking for in his potential queen.

One day, a most dishonorable ball was held and the price and princess suddenly came to meet. The prince saw the princess and knew that if he used his famous charm on her he would have her falling at his feet like all the others in no time. But he did not know about the princesses famous heart of ice, something known about by everyone she chose to surround herself by.

Not having this knowledge did not help the prince and the princess dismissed him straight away, he did not understand why she was not like all the others, but what he did know was that he must have her attention, he knew from that moment he would persist until the princess gave him her heart.

Months went on, they did not see each other again for quite some time, the princess made sure their paths did not cross, she told all of those around her of how forward and expecting the prince had been. She was not going to let him attempt to melt her heart, he was not the one for her.

But yet as time went on, the charming prince kept on trying to break the princess down.
The next time they found themselves in each other’s company the princess was far more aware of how intrigued the prince was by her, so she chose to play this to her advantage. She planned to treat him like she did all the others, by keeping hold of him for a while and then dismissing him like everyone else who had been intrigued by her. On this particular night she decided to give him a … kiss.

Now the prince was confused, normally when any of the other women who fell for his charm gave him a …. kiss. He became bored, he no longer found them intriguing, he had now come to realise that the princess was different. He still had the inability to let her go, he could no longer stand how dismissive she was over him. He had to wear her down.
The princess did not like this when she found out his intentions, she did not want him to keep trying, she wanted him to let her go. She could not let someone who she met by sheer chance achieve such a momentous achievement. She could not stand the thought of the people around her seeing her any differently than the cold hearted princess she was happy being.

 

… Months later …..
The princess found herself confused.
The prince found himself confused.
Neither could understand how such a great impact had been caused on their lives by the other. They were surprised to find that they had fallen in love ….
The typical end to a not so typical fairy tale.
The pair had found that they needed each other all along, to turn them into better versions of themselves.
He had turned her into his queen and he was now her king. A meet that happened out of chance now meant that they had been able to escape their dishonourable kingdoms together.
The queen no longer had a heart that was made of ice, she had found that with the right tools, her king had managed to break her down. And the king realised that his queen was never someone who could have the ability to bore him, she was exciting and he found himself continuously entranced by her.
And so, from that point they have lived happily together, in a new kingdom. Built just for them, they didn’t need to be surrounded by people who adored them and fell at their feet. Because now they each other.

The Post Grad Rut

Being a post grad in a bit of a rut .. Not a fun feeling.
So many people expect you to run off and jump straight into the career of your dreams, but it just really isn’t that straight forward.
I don’t even really know what I want to do, I know what my degree is in, but it’s only now that I’ve left uni that I realise there’s a whole world out there full of so many career options.
Maybe I’ll even need to go and study again .. But maybe I won’t.
Maybe it will take me a year to figure out exactly what I want from life.
But what I do know is that it’s ok and totally normal for me to be thinking like this and for any newly graduated individuals to not have life totally sussed as soon as they get handed their qualification.
I know I have drive and I know I have ambition, so whatever I decide to do I know I will put everything I have into it.
But for right this second, making any kind of money is better than sitting around doing nothing at all.
If you’re flipping burgers, serving people who are more financially stable people than yourself their unreasonably priced drinks with exotic names that you’d never heard of before (especially considering you’ve been used to student drinks the last three or four years) just know that if you don’t want it to be forever then it won’t be.
You’re in control of your own density and don’t let anyone put you down because you aren’t doing exactly what they want you to be doing.

So here’s to us people who have absolutely no clue what so ever about where life is taking them, we’ll figure it out eventually.

My Nightmare

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Originally this post was going to be about a nightmare I kept having, however, after I had written it down and I mentioned to my boyfriend that I had a reoccurring nightmare he asked if he could read it before I blogged about it, I’m not a very open person, so sharing how I feel in real life really terrifies me, but he was amazing about it, he continuously surprises me with his response to certain things and I end up falling more and more in love with him, so now, not only am I sharing my nightmare on my blog I’ve also included his response that he very sweetly wrote underneath after he had read it. It’s helped me feel easier about opening up with concerns I have, so for anyone who feels the same as I do and doesn’t like to open up, maybe try telling someone you love and see how they respond? It may just surprise you.

I keep having this reoccurring nightmare.
I’ve built up everything that represents me and you on glass platforms. These platforms are beautiful and perfect something that is there only to hold you and me, but the glass is there to represent something fragile, something maybe we are.I’m trying to keep everyone and everything away incase it breaks.
In this nightmare once everything is broken and lays in pieces on the floor you take enjoyment from hurting me, you constantly test me to see how far I can be pushed.
Doing things to see if I find out perhaps and then wondering why I’m letting such obvious signs that something is wrong just slip through my fingers.
I’m not a push over, I just don’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you’re hurting me.
I have this theory, that people are made to hurt each other. I expect it, I expect to be hurt.
That way. When it happens I can’t feel let down, I don’t want to feel let down by you so I’m going to expect you to hurt me.
In this nightmare I know about all the other women you let touch you, I know you like it when they fall for your charm. I know, but I’ll never say anything.
I flinch when I have this glass shattering nightmare, I’ll grip on to you slightly when it wakes me up to make sure you’re still next to me, to make sure you’re still mine. You know I have these restless nights and yet you don’t even know what you’re trying to comfort me from, how can I talk about such an unsettling idea but ironically describe it using such beautiful metaphor.

The Response

Hey baby.
First of all, you write so beautifully and with such imagination and creativity. You’re definitely gifted with writing. Another talent of yours. I can’t wait to read other masterpieces of yours if they’re similar to this.

This reoccurring nightmare is not silly at all! Not even in the slightest. Im grateful that you let me read it. These glass platforms you speak of I guess represents our pillars of happiness….which must be pretty high. It is completely understandable what you are feeling. I think you have been hurt times before and you are expecting for me to hurt you. Waiting for the next moment to be hurt. A little bit how I feel sometimes. A bit how I have trust issues with you. Maybe you have this theory because you have never been very happy? Truly In love? I can say right now that it is ok to have your theory. It’s not silly. However I hope you know how hard I try to make you happy. To make us happy. How much I really really do love you. You being happy is the best thing in the world to me and there is NO way I would ruin that or stop thinking like that. Although I say this stuff all the time and tell you how much I love you. I think the only real cure to how you’re feeling is time. The longer you are happy and the longer we are together maybe the more you will start to realise that I am here for a long time possibly forever that you might start to feel secure and that I won’t hurt you. I know that you’re not a pushover. I definitely know that! And I’m glad you’re not. There’s nothing worse than letting someone walk all over you even if you love them. That’s why I love your stubbornness and your fight. I know it’s difficult for you to tell me how you feel and even more so with this because you’re scared that I will get enjoyment out of it. But honestly, the only enjoyment I get is when you’re the opposite. When you’re happy and when you tell me something good. When you’re excited to tell me something. That makes me really happy. The only reason I want to hear negative things and things I am doing wrong is because I want to help and make you happy again. Not get an enjoyment out of it. Maybe when you realise this you will feel more comfortable about opening up?

I like the fact that you grip me tightly after the nightmare. It makes me feel loved and cared for. It makes me feel that you need me. But you should know that I am yours…..that’s not going to change I’m afraid.

You should know that everything I tell you is the truth. You are an amazing, beautiful girl and I’m proud of you. I love you baby and I’m lucky to have you!