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Communicate With The Person You Love and care about

When you love someone, you need to learn how to communicate with them properly, that’s just facts. But you also need to learn to understand that how you communicate may be different to how they communicate.

You could be on the exact same page as your person but assume they feel differently than you do. You could be reading them completely wrong. You could be creating drama where none exists. You could be freaking out over a misunderstanding. However, if you had a simple conversation, then everything could be cleared up in a heartbeat, but in todays bat s**t crazy dating world, communication scares the crap out of us, which is kind of sad.

The honest truth is, When you love or care about someone, you should feel comfortable talking to about anything, even if it means it’s going to make you feel vulnerable.

You shouldn’t feel the need to tiptoe around them to avoid setting them off or because you’re scared that speaking up about how you feel is going to push them away. You should be confident that you can have a conversation with them about any topic, regardless of how intimate or awkward, and ultimately you guys will come out as an even stronger team. You have to trust your partner to treat your feelings, your thoughts, and your opinions with a certain level of respect. You have to believe they have your best interest at heart. And yes I know that sounds scary!

When you love someone, you need to remember that the way they express themselves might not mimic the way your exes or your family members express themselves.

Your partner is their own, individual person. You need to figure out how they prefer to discuss their emotions because some people are more vocal and others are more subtle, some are more open and others are more guarded. You need to figure out what works for the two of you as a couple, and that can take some time, at the start you might get things wrong but we need time to learn about the other person.

When you love someone, you don’t hold back anything, even when it’s scary and your putting your heart on the line.

You don’t keep secrets from them. You don’t leave out certain details because it’s easier than getting into a complex, complicated issue. You are completely transparent with them. You can’t pick and choose when to be honest to make scenarios suit you, if you’re in the right relationship you’ll feel like you can tell them anything and everything no matter what it is. You swear to remain honest, even when it could cause a ripple in your relationship, but you know you’re a team and will tackle issues together. You should value your partner too much to manipulate them, to fool them and twist situations to make sure you never have to tell them something you know they may not like. You would rather be real with them and work through whatever issues might arise.

When you love someone, you check in with them regularly.

You make sure nothing has gone wrong without you realising. You make sure they’re still feeling appreciated, loved, and confident about where your love story is heading. Instead of assuming everything is fine, you actually ask your partner where their head is at, and if something has been wrong, you take steps to fix it. You don’t talk without taking action. You follow through on what you say, make sure conversations never fall on deaf ears because that could cause as much damage as not talking. Actions always speak louder than words.

When you love someone, you don’t distance yourself from them emotionally. You don’t put up a wall, shutting them out. You don’t allow your fears from past experiences cloud your current relationship, even when you can feel yourself getting more emotionally vulnerable you speak up and tell them where you’re at and how you feel, even if you’re feeling scared.

You let them see every side of yourself, even the parts you like the least, the parts you try to hide from everyone else, because you know they aren’t going anywhere and they sure as hell won’t judge you or try and change you. You know you can trust them to stay even when you guys are facing tough times together, you know they aren’t going anywhere. You know being open and honest with them is only going to push you closer together, not wrench you further apart.

And that is why you should learn to communicate with the person you love or care about.

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The good the bad and the beautiful parts of dating a writer

As much as it sucks to admit, a writer either loves deeply or not at all. Writers are romantic, love is something writers usually write a lot about whether they’ve had a good or bad experience with it. But if you’ve dated them, don’t for a second thing you haven’t inspired something they’ve written.

But this is why you should give your heart to a writer, there will never be a shortage of words which they’ll use to express their love and devotion to you. And for a while (or maybe forever if you’re lucky) you’ll be their inspiration. They’ll play out the story of the two of you in so many ways you didn’t even realise were possible.

They’ll obsess over your details, taking in every inch of how you are and the way you do things, from the shape of your lips, the color of your eyes and I mean the real colour, the way your hair feels when they run their fingers through it, and how it sits when you’ve just got out the shower. They’ll notice the way you carry yourself in public, how you walk and even your complexion and how it changes when you get embarrassed.

They’ll notice every mannerism you have, and because of this they will be able to notice in explicit details when you’re happy, sad, angry or any time your mood slightly changes. You’ll be the inspiration for them to create stories that other people spend time reading about. Know that writers feel everything so deeply (sometimes too deeply). And, because of this, they’ll love you just as deeply, and sometimes this may come off strong but it’s just how they work.

A writer will fully commit to you even before you’ve asked them to. As picky as they are with their words, they’re also very picky with the people they choose to love. And when they find someone special, they’ll give every piece of themselves that they physically can. They’ll invest themselves in you and will continue to do so for the rest of their lives, or as long as you let them. They won’t hold back from giving you everything you need to make yourself as good as you can be.

A writer is a dreamer and will take you to places you’ve never been to, both physically and figuratively. They’re explorers and always looking for new experiences. They will sweep you off your feet and bring you into their fantasy world, to a place only a few have ever been allowed into. They will generate ideas and create scenarios that sometimes creep into their real life and leads to them being slightly over analytical when it comes to the person they care about.

A writer is passionate. They yearn for more out of life, and they love life in a way others don’t. They see life in a way others can’t. They experience life in a way others can’t, they use passion to fuel their writing and their life. The same way they are passionate about their life and work, the same way they will be passionate about you. They’ll offer you an intense level of passion, with them you’ll have found yourself with an unforgettable lover, someone who you will always say you have insane sexual chemistry with.

They’ll crave physical touch and they are happiest when laying next to you running their hands across your bare skin, taking in every inch of you, the way your muscles move and the shape of your back as you sleep, each freckle, scar and stunning imperfection that make you, you. And they’ll love every bit of it because it’s just more to take in.

A writer is full of emotions and any emotion they feel is felt at such a high intensity it sometimes makes them question their own judgement. They work with feelings, and they’ll be understanding of yours, always. You’ll never have to hide your emotions because they’ll know what you’re feeling even when you don’t utter a single word. They’ll be there for you when you’re feeling sad or down or even unable to process exactly what your emotions even mean. This is why you should give your heart to a writer because the ugly parts of you won’t make them love you any less, if anything, they’ll love you even more.

You should give your heart to a writer because there will always be more than what meets the eye with them, you’ll meet them and think they’re kind, but that will only be the top layer. You’ll soon come to realise they’re well-educated, empathetic and well-spoken. They’re observant and have a deep mind. They’re kind-hearted and will never judge you for feeling the way you do or expressing it in ways that aren’t conventional. They are rare.

You should give your heart to a writer because they’ll help you see how amazing you are. They’ll tell you every detail you want to know about yourself and will help you understand where you’ve gone wrong. You’ll soon be forced to realise things about yourself that you didn’t even pick up on. But they’ll make you realize that your flaws don’t even matter because they can look past them and see the real you. They want to make you love yourself even more.

You should give your heart to a writer if you want an oddly beautiful, passionate person in your life, who maybe feels things a little too much and who maybe loves a little too hard. But when they fall for you they won’t hold back. You’ll never have to question where you stand or if they want you.

Give your heart to a writer if you’re ready for love and I mean true love, something you’ll always look at with a sort of longing if you ever let it go.

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When they wanted you first

So many people ask the question “how do you get played by someone who wanted you first” and luckily for you, I’m here to help answer it.

It doesn’t matter how long your relationship was with this person, you’ve been left wondering where it all went wrong and how it went from them chasing you to them literally putting the breaks on and heading in the opposite direction.

So what changed between that initial chase at the start to where you are right now which I’m guessing is heartbroken and confused.

Let’s take a jump back to when the two of you first started dating, I’m going to assume they asked you out first? You probably checked your diary and decided to fit them in when it was most convenient for you. You’d have fit them in around your usual social plans, the time you usually spend with your friends or the time you spend doing whatever makes you happy. Whatever the case, you found time when it was convenient for you and when you could give them some time amongst your other priorities.

When you guys first started seeing each other you probably set some standards like ‘no last minute plans’ or something along those lines to keep them on their toes and to make them realise that when they want to spend time with you it can’t just be on a whim, you wanted them to make an effort and plan stuff with you.

But, without you even realising, as you started to like them more, your priorities and standards started to change.

You started factoring what you wanted to do around them rather than the other way around, when they wanted to see you last minute you’d jump at the chance. You lost value in your own time because you valued the time you spent with them above everything else.

So when you sit there wondering why they ghosted or played you when they wanted you first. Stop to have a think if this could be because you forgot the value of your own time and if you lost sight of the value of your own time, can you really be surprised if they did too?

They chased you in the first place because your time was desirable, you were busy and had lots going on. They knew that the time you gave them was valuable and they kept chasing after it, however when this changed and you started to give your time up at a drop of a hat, it made you seem less valuable and less chase worthy.

This kind of happens when we start to like someone, but we need to make sure we don’t let it happen too early on. We need to make sure they keep chasing our valuable time until they’ve earned a place in our lives when they shouldn’t have to keep chasing us. But until then, you need to remind them that if you’re giving them your time, you’re also giving them something that you can never get back, so they better make sure it’s worth it.

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How to show respect to your partner

When you think about what makes a relationship successful, your answers would probably be similar to others: chemistry, timing, sexual attraction.

But what about respect? Have you stopped to consider how important respect from your partner is to you?

That might be an extreme case, but I hear friends talk about doing the same sort of actions on smaller scales. Then they point fingers at what is going wrong in their relationship when, really, a finger should be pointed back at them.

Researchers found that people who felt more respect from their partner also felt more satisfied in the relationship.

Lack of respect in a relationship is more likely to erode at a relationship. It’s a vicious cycle that once you feel disrespected by a partner, you start to lose respect for them as well.

But a lot of actions of disrespect are so small they can easily go undetected. It can be as simple as a gesture or phrase that makes your partner feel like you don’t appreciate them.

The most common ways partners show disrespect are:

Calling your partner names. There’s never a just time to call someone an “idiot” or “crazy” Name-calling does no good for a relationship. All it achieves is making your partner feel distanced from you.

Criticizing them. This includes when you’re in front of your partner and also what you say about them to others. Disrespect doesn’t always happen in-person; bad-mouthing your partner when they’re not around is a sign you’re not on the same team.

Showing contempt through body language. This looks like rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, refusing to look at your partner, etc. They’re simple gestures but ones that create a barrier for healthy communication.

The bright side of all of this is, there are easy ways to show your partner respect. Aside from cutting out the above, try changing your behavior in these ways:

1. Accept that you both have different opinions/ways of doing things

If your goal in a relationship is to find someone you never disagree with, you’re going to be on that journey for the rest of your life.

No two people share the exact same views and opinions, and that’s not a bad thing. Being with someone that has opinions different from yours means you have a chance to widen your perspective and learn a bit about acceptance.

Instead of trying to make your partner see things your way, respect that you both see things differently, and that’s a beautiful thing. Let your partner be who they are.

2. Practice trusting

Respecting someone includes trusting them until they give you a reason not to.

But this is hard for people, especially when their trust has been broken in the past.After having experience with people who threaten to leave and lovers cheat, sometimes we become wary of giving our heart to someone new. And relationship experts say pin trust issues as being the most prevalent amongst couples.

Communicate with your partner your experience with trust. Take note of moments when your partner was there for you. Consider the beliefs you hold around romantic love and whether they’re logically based on your current relationship or not.

Creating trust with your partner is a process you can only do for someone you respect.

3. Listen to what they say

Actively listening to your partner is more than just the everyday listening people do. It involves actually hearing and understanding what the other person is saying.

When you actively listen, you’re telling your partner, “I very much care about what you’re conveying to me. I am here for you.”

All too often, people are so caught up in what they’ll say next, they don’t actually hear what their partner says. You might overstep their words or completely miss their point.

But actively listening strengthens relationships. Researchers have found that couples who felt heard by their partners also felt happier about their relationship.

So next time your partner wants to talk about something serious, sit down with them. Put away your phone. Make eye contact as they speak to you. Focus on exactly what they’re saying and ask questions if you don’t understand.

Respect your partner by giving them your undistracted time and attention.

4. Don’t play games

There’s a lot of reasons people play games. I used to because I felt insecure. I didn’t want to come off as eager, so I sure as hell wasn’t going to be the one to text first.

Whatever the reason, playing games is ultimately disrespectful and deeply hurtful to a relationship.

If a couple gets into a fight, one of them not texting the other person back does a few things: it prolongs the fight and doesn’t respect the time of the other person.

The same goes for other forms of playing games, like guilt-tripping, withholding affection, giving too much affection, etc.; they’re all going to cause you and your partner pain.

Instead, practice healthy communication. It not only shows respect to your partner, but you’ll be happier in the long run, too.

5. Validate your partner’s feelings

Don’t dismiss your partner’s feelings as “irrational” or “dramatic.”

What someone feels is what they feel, no matter if you agree. The fact is, when your partner is upset, they’re upset. And you telling them not to be isn’t going to help.

As psychologist Carl Rogers said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

That’s because when a person validates your feelings rather than dismissing them, they’re entering your world. They stay with you in the moment and try to see things from your perspective.

Respect how your partner feels by validating their feelings. Statements like, “I can see you’re upset” or “I understand why you’re mad” go a long way.

Respect is an easy thing to give that means a lot to someone, your partner included.

If you think your relationship lacks respect, start with changing your actions. Sometimes, we think we aren’t part of the problem, and most of the time, that’s not the case.

Your partner is most likely a top priority, so show them the above and beyond respect they deserve.

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You’ve been here before. It will be fine

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He’s not the first waste of space to make you question your worth and make you feel like you’re not good enough and I hate to admit it, but you’re young so he probably won’t be the last either.

Whats the saying, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find one that’s well … a little less slimy.

I actually think the saying should be you can have a lot of free trials before you find one that makes you want to sign yourself away for a lifetime subscription.

I know that right now this one seems like the end of the world but it’s not, he’s just the most recent one and the freshest mark of experience. You’ll be fine trust me.

He wasn’t even worth the sleepless nights and constant back and forward messages to all your friends asking for advice on whether you should reach out, that was wasted effort. What you should have been doing as soon as he made you question how he felt about is focusing all your effort and attention on remembering why you’re one the most amazing people he could have ever come into contact with in the first place and when he realises that it will suck for him.

The second anyone makes you question where you stand with them is the moment you need to spend less time focusing on them and more time focusing on remembering who you are.

And yes I get it, you really liked this one, he seemed different. They normally always do at the start, but you can’t convince someone to see how amazing you are and if they can’t see it, well f**k them. Spend more time around your friends and family who make you feel like you’re worthy of more than just a fleeting spot in someones life.

So I know it will hurt right now, you’ll be wondering why you weren’t good enough, why he would walk away and pretend like the two of you never felt a connection stronger than either of you had ever felt before.

But remember, it’s not your fault he’s scared of being with someone who he knows is better than him.

You were more mature and adult than anyone he’d been with, you weren’t scared of your feelings and although you can admit to not being perfect you wanted to grow with someone who wasn’t ready to make themselves better.

Please just remember, you’ve been here before, you might be here again but the main thing is …. you’ll be fine. You don’t need someone else to be you.

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How to give up on someone

Many of us are taught that persistence is the key to being happy and successful in life. If we work hard and refuse to give up hope, then things will go well for us. This mindset serves most of us well. We struggle, but we’re resilient, so we persist.

But what if we start doing this at the sake of our own sanity and happiness?

I know it sounds like such a positive thing, being persistent, never giving up, believing in people no matter what. But what happens when the things you won’t give up on are the things that hurt you?

Maybe, you need to learn when it’s ok to give up on someone because you know that a situation no longer serves you for the better. Or maybe you just need to be told that it’s ok, it’s ok to give up on someone when they’re no longer showing you that they care.

When you’re bought up to see so much potential in the people you love, and want so badly to see them recognize that potential in themselves. You probably choose to let the good outweigh the bad, to focus on the light instead of the dark. There’s nothing wrong with that, but what happens when that quiet persistence leads to unbalanced relationships?

What happens when you never learned how to give up, how to let people go, how to put your own needs first?

How can you learn to give up on someone when all your life you’ve been told to go after what you want with everything you’ve got and not to stop until you’ve got it, even if you’re the one putting in all the effort and not getting anything back?

In all honesty, I’m not sure you can.

If you’re someone who is born to be persistent and not give up, I think you’ll always be that person. What you do need to learn though is when to step away from someone who is giving you nothing back.

But if you can learn to put more effort into developing yourself, slowly you can realign your goals. Suddenly you’ll realise that your goals sound more like teaching yourself a new language, writing a book or finishing a puzzle, instead of thinking of ways to get someone else to realise what’s holding them back and stopping them from being happy (obviously with you).

It’s not your job to heal them, something that takes years to learn. But if that other person can’t seem to let go of things that have happened in their past, it isn’t your job to heal them. Everyone goes through shit. That’s life. But if they’re someone who can’t let go, well that sounds like a them problem not a you problem.

Eventually you’ll realise you’ve managed to distract yourself with your own personal growth that you’ve given up on them anyway.

So how can you give up on someone? I don’t think you intentionally can. But life goes on and as you realise they’re not moving forward with you and you’ve outgrown them, it will happen without you even knowing it.

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She just wants you

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The last time you asked her, “What do you want?” She wasn’t really sure how to answer you, so she stayed quiet thinking for a while. It felt like a big question, and she knew she didn’t want to mess up the answer.

But secretly she knew what she wanted, she was just way too afraid to say it. It seemed silly to say it aloud, and she wasn’t ready to admit it to herself anyway just out of fear of getting hurt by owning up to her own feelings.

But now she would know that she should just give the answer she could feel on the tip of her tongue. So ask her again and this time she won’t hesitate. She won’t stay quiet even though she’s still afraid, but she knows this is bigger than her fear. If it means she has to stop being scared and take a risk, she’ll do it.

Ask her again and she’ll tell you. She just wants you.

Although she’s scared to admit it, she wants you in the unfiltered moments, where you’re both still half asleep but you reach out and pull her close towards you in the mornings, with her hand on your chest and you breathing in her hair while you’re sleeping, that’s what she wants. She wants you when you nestle in closer just to be near her as she runs her fingers through your hair.

She wants to wake up next to you, she wants to know that you’re safe, that you’re hers and you’re not going anywhere. She wants the safety she feels when you’re beside her, because one’s ever given her that sense of calm and safety before.

She wants the dark days with you, she isn’t scared to sit with you on the days when the sun has fallen from the sky and light ceases to exist.

She wants you in the moments when you can’t figure out why she would even want you because your life feels like a mess sometimes and you think she deserves better but she wants to always be there to reassure you that you matter and that you’re doing the right thing. She just wants you to always believe her when she tells you how valuable and amazing you are.

She will even still want you when you break her heart, when she walks away crying and wondering if that’s the last time she’ll see you. She wants you when you push her away and shut her out because you’re scared because she’ll still want you when she does the same.

She wants you even when you’re working through difficult periods of life together. When shit gets real and struggles become almost too much, she will still want you.

She wants you on the good days when you make her laugh so hard at your stupid jokes that she can’t remember what the silence sounds like. She wants you when you smile at her just because you’re happy to see her.

She wants that lazy Sunday morning feeling with you. That feeling when the sun is moving through the sky but time is standing still for the two of you, waking up in each other’s arms with not a brief care in the world for that short period of time.

She wants you when she see the hope in your eyes, the hope that the two of you might make it. She wants you in the midst of the uncertainty, because nothing in life is guaranteed, but she seems not to mind it so much when she’s with you because she’s excited for the two of you to figure life out together one crazy step at a time.

She just wants you.