Why are you with just one man? Why is it that the guy you can call yours has prevailed over all the others who came before him?
Well, obviously, each failed relationship that has happened up till now has had its own unique defects that lead to the break ups.
So maybe a better question is, why can I believe the love that is offered to me this time is different?
Loving someone is a unique ability only humans can create awareness around. It’s an art because we can improve upon the skill, sort of like a craft. The more we feel it, the better we become at understanding it and how we handle ourselves when we feel it.
I once read a quote that’s always stuck with me, “Falling in love is easy. Staying in love, that’s the challenge.”
But to even consider staying in love, we have to make a choice: At the low points, in the time of doubt, will we keep choosing love? And are we willing to do so even if the person may not choose us one day?
The uncertainties in love are quite frankly bloody terrifying, the thought of the person we’ve chosen above everyone else one day not choosing us scares a lot of people away before anything has even really begun.
How can we know someone will make a great partner? Father? Or even a bingo teammate well into retirement? Yes I know that’s a lot of forward thinking but it’s worth considering to save yourself some heartache.
How can we know we won’t be betrayed? Our hearts not crushed? Our love not taken advantage of?
And the answer is plain and fucking simple: We don’t.
We don’t know how our lives will play out, and that runs true, especially when it comes to love. We can plan and analyse as much as we want, but we will never know for certain how things are going to go.
But just because we can’t be certain doesn’t mean we can’t try.
Loving someone is a choice. You find a person that makes your heart flutter, whose company you thoroughly enjoy and who you have amazing chemistry with. You understand each other; you could see yourself growing old with them because you can wholeheartedly be yourself around them.
So you choose them; you choose to try and make a life with them. But it won’t be the only time you’ll have to choose them.
Because the doubt will creep in. They’ll eventually hurt or disappoint you, you’ll start thinking about the negative things and even at this point, you’ll still want to choose them. Even over all the hurdles.
And the choice really comes down to your capabilities and willingness of working through the inevitable low points, because being with them surpasses everything else. You don’t mind riding out the lows with them because experiencing the highs is worth it every time.
If they choose you and you choose them then that should equal, I hope, lasting love.
You have open and honest communication, regularly checking in on one another. You both have the ability to speak our emotions, fears, and appreciations of one another. You acknowledge the hard times will come, but you’re certain you have what it takes to get through them.
And when you wrap all of this up into a package, that love seems like it will withstand time.
But all because we are both making a choice. A choice to stay in love and work through the highs and lows together because you know that being together is worth it.
Recently, I came across a Ted Talk by a woman that did a questionnaire with a man that led them to fall in love. That woman, Mandy Len Catron, wrote the initial article which consists of the 36 questions to ask your partner to fall in love.
Readers wanted to understand the magic of Catron’s relationship’s success; everyone wanted to know if the two were still together.
But Catron was wary of answering because the success of their relationship wasn’t based on 36 questions designed for creating love.
The success of their relationship hung on one main thing: a choice.
The two chose to love each other, every single day.
Sure, love is a bit more nuanced. But lasting love, I believe, is not.
You’ll never find a perfect person who won’t disappoint you at some point, it’s just human nature, none of us are perfect. Every single relationship is going to have its low points.
And when those lows come, you’ll have to make a choice, a choice to stay in love or not.
But in the end, I believe that’s the secret to lasting love. Choosing to love the person you’ve chosen no matter what, through all the tough shit and all the amazing stuff that you wouldn’t want to be experiencing with anyone else.