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It’s his fault you know

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It’s his fault that I love you so badly, I don’t mean to do this wrong, you know this whole love thing.

But honestly, it’s his fault not mine I promise. I never intended to set us up on the wrong path like that. But setting myself up for failure is just how I work, I like pushing myself in the wrong direction with someone until they pull away. I think I tried pushing you but the only difference is, you stayed.

When someone teaches you to love with the worst of intentions you get used to it, used to constantly walking around on your tiptoes around someone who’s pretending that they love who you are while trying to change 80% of you.

It’s his fault that I tell people I don’t trust them as a defence mechanism. Trusting someone is the scariest thing I feel like I can do, or at least admitting that I trust someone is scary, because as long as I don’t say it out loud then maybe I can pretend like I never gave them my trust in the first place when they break it.

Did you notice how I said when and not if? Yeah, well that’s his fault too. All these weird conclusions I jump to, as if everyone has the worst of intentions just like he did. I hate that I let someone turn me into someone who almost seems broken when it comes to loving someone else.

But if someone paints a beautiful happy ending for you, why would you ever call them a liar? Why would you think they’d painted a lie, well you wouldn’t.

I’m sorry that he made us start off on bad terms and I’ll try and spend forever making sure everything is right from here on in, because you’re already showing me what it’s like to be loved in a way that’s easy and untwisted.

It’s his fault that I was the way I was, but you’re the reason that I feel like I’ve learnt what a normal love is like, you’re the one that’s reminded me what it’s like to be passionate and peaceful at the same time.

You’re the one that’s made me feel like I’m not as broken in this kind of game as I first thought.

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