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The importance of love languages

First question, do you know your love language? If you do …. does the person you’re dating know your love language? Because this is weirdly quite important to a relationship and let me explain why.

Your love language is how you like to receive affection from another person, for example if your top love language is words of affirmation, someone telling you how proud of you they are and being there to give you verbal support will be what makes you fall for them, a love language is literally the way you communicate love.

If your love language list looks the same as the person you’re dating (which is quite rare) then thats a pretty easy ride because it means you both want to give and receive love in the same way.

However, if one of you has your top love language of words of affirmation and the other has acts of service, it isn’t necessarily an issue but more of a situation where you can make sure you show your love to them in the way that you know they’ll respond to best.

It’s easy to assume that the person you’re with wants to be loved in the same way that you do, but that’s where things can go wrong.

If you like someone doing things for you and they like someone telling them they’re proud of them once they’ve done things for themselves you can see how this has the potential to go wrong.

There are only five love languages (according to psychology and behavioural science) and of course, just as any behavioural analysis, your love language will have been influenced by your childhood and how your parents displayed love not only to you but also to each other, we grow up on learnt behaviour but influences over the years of old relationships will alps guide your love language and what’s important to you.

So for those of you who are curious and want a quick overview on what the five love languages are, allow me to get into the basics.

1: Words of Affirmation

This love language expresses love with words that build up your partner. Verbal compliments don’t have to be complicated; the shortest and simplest praises can be the most effective.

“That dress looks incredible on you!”

“You always make me laugh.”

“I love your hair today.”

Words mean a lot if your partner has this love language. Compliments and an “I love you” can go a long way. On the other hand, negative or insulting comments can hurt your partner and it could take them longer to forgive than others.

2: Acts of Service

Your partner might have this love language if their motto is “Actions speak louder than words.”

This love language expresses itself by doing things that you know your partner would like. Cooking a meal, doing the laundry, and doing a little job they might not get time to do in a busy day are all acts of service. They require some thought, time, and effort.

All of these things should be done with positivity and with your partner’s ultimate happiness in mind to be considered an expression of love. Actions out of obligation or with a negative tone are something else entirely and if you’re secretly loathing the fact that you’re having to do it …. it’s probably best not to.

3: Receiving Gifts

This love language isn’t necessarily materialistic and I want to stress this partly for my own justification (this comes second on my love language list) It just means that a meaningful or thoughtful gift makes your partner feel loved and appreciated. Something as simple as picking up something during your day that made you think of them can mean a lot, and I’m literally talking anything!

This is different than Acts of Service, where you show affection by performing actions to help your partner.

4: Quality Time

This love language is all about undivided attention. No televisions, no smartphones, or any other distractions. If this is your partner’s primary language, they don’t just want to be included during this period of time, they want to be the center of your attention. They want their partners to look at them and them only.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t curl up on the couch to watch Netflix or HBO; it just means that you need to make sure to dedicate time together without all of the distractions. That will help them feel comforted in the relationship.

Every time you cancel a date, postpone time together or aren’t present during your time together, it can be extremely hurtful to your partner as it can make them feel like you care more about other things or activities than them.

5: Physical Touch

To people with this love language, nothing is more impactful than the physical touch of their partner. They aren’t necessarily into over-the-top PDA, but they do feel more connected and safe in a relationship by holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc.

If Physical Touch is your partner’s primary love language, they will feel unloved without physical contact. All of the words and gifts in the world won’t change that. They want to feel you close by, not just emotionally, but physically.

So there you have it, a quick overview into the love languages and I’m sure you’ve read one that makes you think … “that definitely sounds like me“, but if you fancy putting both you and your partner to the test, you can both find out you love languages here.

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It’s ok to be scared

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It’s ok you know, to be scared of opening up to the possibility of someone being able to hurt you.

It’s ok to try and protect yourself in any way you know how, and actually it’s ok to sometimes take a step back and evaluate if you’re ready to give something your full attention or not. If the answer is no, then take comfort in knowing it’s ok to step away. But if the answer is yes, then you just need to get ready to ride the wave of uncertainty for a while.

Everyone will tell you how exciting those initial months are of dating someone, how the first parts are the most interesting, you’re finding out likes and dislikes, what’s ok and what’s not, things you have in common and things you’ll differ on opinion on and with that also comes the 10,000 opportunities the other person has to leave without even feeling slightly disheartened by it all, because in those early stages theres also no need to explain why you’ve done a disappearing act and theres no need to apologise for not giving someone a reason behind why you’ve decided they’re not for you anymore.

It’s ok to be scared of the moment that just as you’ve decided to give more, they’ve decided that they’re going to walk away.

It’s ok to feel nervous and worry that they’ll decide they don’t want you even though you want them.

It’s ok to get scared that they’ll be exactly like all the others and wonder off just as you want them to pull closer.

It’s ok to sometimes worry that you aren’t good enough, or that you aren’t brining enough to the table, we’re all human and sometimes we can over think things, but we shouldn’t be sacred of someone seeing us in a way that isn’t accurate, because if they do, then they aren’t the right person for you anyway.

But remember, in your initial exciting phase of dating, you have to remember you aren’t going to slot straight into priority number one on someones list, they aren’t going to know that you need a phone call at the end of each day to feel secure in your relationship or a few texts during the day from them saying they’re thinking of you and they miss you to make you feel like they’re still interested in you (they won’t know that you’re secretly needy AF), so instead of spending time fretting about it all, just embrace it and know that they’re getting to know you just as much as you’re getting to know them, it’s fine not to get everything right straight away!

One thing you shouldn’t be sacred of though, is ending up with the wrong person, because you’ll get a lot of people walk in (and sometimes out) of your life for reasons you can’t understand sometimes. So although you can be scared of getting your heart broken, don’t spend too long worrying about it. The one you’re supposed to end up with would never break your heart anyway.