Month: October 2019

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You’re just bored

We’ve all been there … I think.

You’re bored so you start giving someone attention when you really shouldn’t. You start flirting when you know you shouldn’t, but boredom brings out the worst in us sometimes!

You’re sat scrolling through your phone when suddenly you remember that person who’s always up for receiving your attention and you just can’t help yourself, before you know it, it’s happened you’ve sent the oh so boring “hey” text and then carry on scrolling through social media as if nothing ever happened.

Of course it’s only seconds until they reply, but they’ll always been a bit more keen, why wouldn’t they be when you’re always the one who decides when the conversation stops and starts … so their “hey” message also includes a smiley emoji, which of course, makes you cringe a bit inside.

You know you shouldn’t do it, but it’s so easy! All you want is some attention and this one person who you have no investment in what so ever will freely give it to you and expect nothing in return … which probably means they actually like you and here you are just being a bit of a dick about it, but as you’ve been told before, all is fair in love and war and in the game of modern day love, not a lot turns out to be fair!

All of a sudden you find yourself three weeks into some intense flirting game and you realise something …. you realise you’re no longer bored and you don’t want to bother anymore. Awkward.

The point is, maybe there’s something else we can do when we’re bored? Maybe we don’t have to start playing around with people. Maybe we can take up a hobby instead?

But this is like the good old back and forward exchange that normally happens when you’ve just broken up with someone. You know you don’t want them but you like the attention they give you, so you’ll just fish around until you get a bite from them.

I get it, we’re all human and sometimes we just need to have a compliment thrown our way or we just want to feel wanted.

But just make sure you can tell the difference between when you’re just bored … and when you’re actually into someone.

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The funny guys

The funny guys are the most dangerous….

They’re the ones you look at and think, “he’s not my type, but that will make it easier to be friends” but let me tell you now, you couldn’t be more wrong.

All of a sudden this guy, the one you’d be least likely to go up to in the middle of a club or at a bar, or even double tap a selfie of on Instagram .. has managed to laugh you into bed.

Now you’re just here like, what (and I cannot stress this enough) the fuck?!

This is why they’re the most dangerous. Out of nowhere, someone who if it was just based on looks you wouldn’t even consider giving a second chance to, has managed to distract you so much with their sense of humour, you forgot that they weren’t stereotypically your type.

I mean, good for them … but how does this happen?!

Funny thing is, this isn’t a rare occasion either. Lots of women I know have had this happen to them and it’s ultimately how they’ve ended up marrying someone who’s their best friend. These tend to be the marriages that people look at from the outside and think “but how did he get someone like her?”

I’ll tell you how, he blind sided her with his dad jokes and his non bullshit approach to life! It was literally that simple. He didn’t treat her as if she didn’t have a sense of humour like all the others and above all else, he didn’t care if he impressed her or not … yeah shocker, it was all unintentional!

So to all the guys who think .. “ah I don’t have a chance with her”. Just make her laugh, make her laugh until she forgets you’re not her type, because this is how you end up with a 10/10 when you’re only a 4/10 (on your good days).

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This is what heartbreak looks like

Who knew this is what heartbreak looks like.

Heartbreak has the most beautiful brown eyes and hair so soft you want to run your hands through it every day for the rest of your life. But you can’t keep him, he’s going to break your heart.

Heartbreak tells you the most convincing lies, it’s love he tells you. Everything he does is because he loves you. Poisonous words dressed up as something you need, something you want to keep listening to for the rest of your life. You’ll be able to listen to him for the rest of your life he tells you, but heartbreak is the best liar you’ll ever meet. So convincing, you even start to question if in fact you’re the bad and he’s the good.

Heartbreak needs your attention to make him feel validated. But he doesn’t just need your attention, he needs attention from anyone who will give it and this is why he will end up breaking your heart.

Heartbreak will take your hand and show you off to his friends and family, he likes people knowing that you’re with him. He’ll treat you like the best thing in the world until you’re not anymore.

Heartbreak is handsome and dominant, he loves knowing he makes you feel safe, until he decides he doesn’t want to anymore.

True heartbreak will generate electricity when he touches your skin, and you’ll forever be looking for that spark in a place where your heart is safe. But nothing can awaken your body like heartbreak does.

They teach you to look out for heartbreak but I guess we never expect him to be wrapped in such a charming package, one that you look for on every street, every train and in every passing car.

We can move on from heartbreak, but we can never forget him.

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What you should’ve said

If you had the guts, maybe you would have told him face to face, maybe if you weren’t so scared about putting your neck on the line you would have pulled him aside and told him everything and you wouldn’t have even given a second thought to the consequences?

But this is real life and it isn’t that simple.

When you’re worried about opening up to people you don’t tend to put your heart on the line.

Actions have consequences and words can stay with someone for a very long time, maybe if you could tell someone how you feel and then instantly wipe their memory it would make things easier?

So in this pretend scenario where you’re not a coward and you’re not scared to take things into your own hands, maybe this is what you would have told him:

Maybe you would have told him that being around him makes you happy, that waking up and knowing that you’re seeing him makes your day feel less heavy.

You could have told him that in the moment when he does things that are a bit unconventional you just end up fancying him more, things that other people find weird and make them describe him as an introvert actually make you wonder if he’s got a space for you in his closed off world that not many people make the cut into.

Maybe you’d have said that if you were make him laugh every day then you would, because his laugh is infectious and makes you smile in a way that very few other things do.

Maybe you could have told him that he shouldn’t ignore how he feels about you because you feel exactly the same and what he’s tried to shrug off as a meaningless crush is actually deeper than that, even if he tries to convince himself it isn’t.

You could’ve said that when you see his name pop up on your phone first thing in the morning and as soon as you finish work, it makes you almost miss seeing his face because when he texts you stupid things that make you laugh you wish you could see the facial expressions he’s pulling, because his overly expressive face just makes everything seem even more funny.

You should have told him you liked him, but maybe it was more than that. You should have told him that you can feel electricity when you’re in touching distance of him, you should have told him that you can stop thinking about him grabbing your waist and kissing your neck, that after that one time it’s all you’ve been able to think about ever since and maybe that’s fuc**d up! Or maybe this is just what totally undiluted lust feels like?

Maybe you would’ve said that he’s not your type and that’s why this is so confusing for you because your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another, but sometimes people are so similar it’s scary.

You could’ve told him that no one understands the controversial opinions you have like he does and no one listens to them while sharing similar opinions like him, no one gets it quite like he does.

Maybe you should’ve told him that you understand that the timing is wrong and that you’ve crossed paths at the worst point in both your lives, but you really hope that your paths cross again in the future.

There’s a lot you would’ve told him if you’d had the guts …. but you didn’t.

And now you’ll just have to hold on to your “what if” and the hope that this isn’t the end of it.

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Thank You Next

 

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If you can’t imagine introducing him to your family then honestly, what are you wasting your time for?

You might really like him, the sex might be great but when you think of him being around your family you suddenly get a sinking feeling, as if you know that he isn’t what they would want for you. You know your family would want you to be with someone who isn’t afraid to be soppy with you around them, because you know they would be happy to see that someone loves you as much as they do.

So if he’s afraid of physical affection in any way shape or form, is he really the one for you? Don’t get me wrong, PDA is massively off-putting, however, its nice to feel wanted. Even if it’s just in private. If you don’t feel wanted, how can you think that he’s for you?

As someone who is massively family orientated, I will always care about what my family think of my significant other. Which is why I avoid introducing them to anyone until I’m certain about how I feel and I know who they are. No one likes explaining to their parents why someone they were with a week ago at the family BBQ has now done a disappearing act.

So seriously, if you can’t imagine him stood beside you with an affectionate arm around your waist at family events, from BBQ’s to children’s birthdays, from weddings to funerals, then WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME?!

You might not be able to focus your attention on anyone else right now, because although he’s a twat, you’re a little bit lust obsessed. But that’s ok, as long as you can acknowledged he is not someone that you should even imagine a future with.

You might love sleeping next to him, but if he isn’t rolling over to spoon you every now and then, or to put your head on his chest to make sure you’re still laying there with him, then you might as well be sleeping alone, because despite him being there, you feel as though he isn’t.

If you’re revelling in the fact that he’s been giving you undivided attention for the last few months (since his last disappearing act) make sure you remember how you feel when he does go back to his old habits … you know, the ones that you’re mysteriously missed out of. Because as nice as his attention is, someone who will be consistent for you, will be better in the long run.

So enjoy him while you can, because he’s not the one you’re supposed to be with forever.

He’s not the one you want to introduce to your family and he’s not the one who treats you how you expected the love of your life to treat you. But he’s fun and he’s easy to talk to, you have things in common, but not enough to make your parents approve of him.

He might be good looking, but if he isn’t willing to show you any affection in front of his friends or your friends, then you need to find someone better, someone who doesn’t want to keep their hands off you, but who knows you well enough to understand that you’re not a fan of PDA, so all they have to do is tell you they cant wait to get you alone later and that will make your day.

If he isn’t loving you the way you want him to, it’s probably a blessing in disguise.

So when he ghosts on you again, remember he is not the one you want forever. So you might as well let him disappear, as long as you’re not going to let him come back again (for the fourth time).

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Office romances

Maybe you guys like each other so much because work is like a bubble.

You’re in this place that gives you a common ground, there’s no weird awkward first dates and there’s no hoping that despite the fact you work in totally different industries you’ll have something in common.

Working in marketing and dating someone in finance for example is always going to have its struggles, because it will be hard to understand each other’s work, there’s no mutual understanding of what that other person has experienced mon – fri, and we can try and understand the stresses each other go through but how much can we really get it?

When you work together you know what each other have been through that day, you can go home and discuss the trials and tribulations of your joint workplace and job role and there will be no “fake understanding” of how each other’s weekdays have panned out.

A work place romance can provide you with just the right amount of distraction, what was once a boring 9-5 is now full of secret back and forward messages and inside jokes that no one gets apart from the two of you. You get to sit at your desk just metres apart knowing that while you’re having conversations with everyone around you, you also get to message each other and talk just the two of you and that fills you with a sense of excitement.

Maybe no one else around you knows? Or maybe you think they don’t … but then that’s the problem, because people around you will be able to feel the tension between you both just as much as you can. As if something is bubbling just under the surface waiting to happen.

You spend more time with your work colleagues than anyone else, so maybe that’s why it’s so easy to get caught up in an office romance? Maybe it’s just something that you’ve got used to giving your time to?

Office romances can provide you with an escape when your day gets tough, you can message each other back and forward without worrying that one of you won’t understand because both of you have been there and lived it.

But how do you ignore it when you know it can’t be real romance, how do you squash sexual tension with someone you’re with constantly and most of all how do you pretend like you don’t get on and enjoy being around each other?