Month: February 2019

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22 Of The Sexiest Things Men Can say (according to women)

These may seem like such little things to you guys, but when we hear them …. they actually make us melt.

1. “Come here”

2. “Good girl” – with that certain look you guys tend to get in your eyes.

3. Anything he asks to do where my response can be “make me” – changes the tone of any conversation almost immediately

4. “I love the way you taste”

5. “I can tell you want me”

6. Using your actual name when they talk to you – there’s something so simple and so sexy about that!

7. “Look at me” – in any kind of sexual situation this one ask/tell is a mood.

8. “I’ve been thinking about you all day” – now tell us what you’ve been thinking about.

9. “I can’t control myself around you” – hearing this is such a power trip and god I’m here for that.

10. “Open your mouth” – not always in an inappropriate situation, but it sure changes the tone

11. “You’re mine, don’t forget that” – absolutely I won’t.

12. “Nobody understands your body like I do” – good. That’s exactly how it should be.

13. “I just want to feel you” – we both know what that means and I’m so here for it.

14. “Have you been good or bad” – either way, what happened after this was always fun

15. “Is there something wrong” – after knowing full well you’ve just turned us on in public.

16. “Don’t tempt me” – why not?

17. “Shhhh” – with the hand over your mouth when you guys are doing things you shouldn’t and gotta keep it quiet.

18. “I need to see you” – it’s the word “need” that makes this so sexy

19. “Thinking about you is keeping me awake” – nothing I love more than knowing he’s in bed and turned on thinking about me, always makes us females want you like crazy

20. “Don’t cum” – That one ask always makes it it 10x harder!

21. “You’re asking for trouble” – sounds like fun.

22. “I want you to know how beautiful you are”

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Attachment Theory

Theres this theory, about girls forming these instant attachments to people they sleep with and in part, for some women, I can say that that’s methodically untrue.

However, I’ve come to realise that for me, this most definitely IS true. I guess it’s why I’m so fussy with who I sleep with. I don’t like forming attachments, so therefore I’ll avoid the activity that makes me create them in the first place.

Makes sense I think?

I guess it also explains why I go a bit crazy for someone after I’ve slept with them, all of a sudden I’ll think I’m in love, even if I’ve just had the worst sex of my life, I’ll still be in love at the end of it, who knew that someone could fall in love in the space of 3 minutes! That, combined with the fact I have an inability to see more than one person at a time just leads to disaster!

I know a lot of my friends who will causally date a few people at once until one of them becomes official, but I can’t do that. I get blind sided by connections I build with someone  and to be honest, I don’t have enough of me to give to more than one person at a time (which I think is a good think for the guys who manage to get me into bed).

But you know what, us girls should really learn to stop putting ourselves down for “catching feelings” like ok, you didn’t want to have feelings for him, now all of a sudden after doing ‘the deed’ you feel like you love him. So what? It’s actually a primitive instinct … yes, I’ve looked into it, partly because I love psychology and partly. because I wanted to make sure there was a logical reason behind my crazy levels.

Back in the caveman days, people would have sex when they found their forever person, that person would be the one they made a home with, caught out food with, made a family with etc etc, you get the point …. so instinctively once we have sex with someone due to the chemicals that get released into our brain, we assume that this person is going to be who we’re with for the rest of our lives and not only that, but also help us build a life with them … I think that’s actually pretty cute!

So what if all this beating ourselves up over “getting too attached” is just going against what’s innately built into our heads? Some people say humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, but I disagree, we just need to embrace the way of the penguin and accept that it’s ok not to want someone to go anywhere once they’ve seen us naked …..

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The handkerchief approach

So what’s the handkerchief approach…. and I need to point out that this should not be confused with the ‘handkerchief code’, that’s totally different. Google it if you’re interested.

The Handkerchief Approach:

Have you ever heard about how women back in the Victorian era would drop a handkerchief on the floor as they walk past a guy on the street that they like the look of? The idea was that the man would then pick it up and chase after her to return it and which would result in them then being engaged in a conversation. ultimately this worked because the guy felt like he was doing the woman a favour ….

Back then it seems that women weren’t sat around waiting for men to approach them, they were out finding the ones they liked the look of and then making sure they got them by doing something about it. Nowadays us girls sit in bars and wait for the guys we like the look of to approach us, when the harsh reality is, they probably won’t.

Do you know who approaches you in a bar? The idiot …. the idiot you keep moaning about attracting.

The idiot approaches you because he’s had a lot of practice, he doesn’t care about being rejected because out of all of the women he’ll approach that evening, there is bound to be one that won’t reject him. But I’ll tell you a secret …. the idiot is always out with a group of friends and they’re the ones not going round approaching as many women as possible, needless to say they’re the ones you actually want to speak to but luckily for you, the idiot has given you a way in!

Men like to feel needed, so play this to your advantage. The guy you actually want to come over to you while you’re out, most likely won’t because he’s not an idiot. Make it easy for him, give him some eye contact and let him know you’ve seen him, even better …. smile at him! A smile goes a long way.

If you want to attract the guys you actually want, then you need to adapt the handkerchief approach and make it into something you can do in this era. Maybe you’re ordering all your friends drinks at the bar and you can’t carry them all? Well conveniently the hot guy you’ve been checking out all evening is stood right next to you while you’re ordering … you may as well just ask for his help right?

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I’ve missed your name on my phone

When I see your name pop up on my phone my stomach does this weird flip thing … it’s not the same reaction as I used to have, when I used to see your name come up on my phone I’d immediately smile. You’d be messaging me because you’d be thinking about me during the course of your day and that was cute.

Now I’m not sure what the point is. What’s the point of these occasional checks in’s you do? It’s as though you still want contact with me, but only on your terms, or just when you fancy it. We’ll go months without speaking and then you’ll come back again as if nothing has happened.

Was taking to me all day every day too much for you? Did you get bored? These days I’d be happy to leave you on read and not rush to respond, but that’s not how it used to be. I’d be dying to respond to you immediately, because I’d love our conversations.

A lot of the discussion around messaging people these days caters to the exact opposite of what it actually is, which is just a digital form of communication and communication happens when we want to build or salvage a connection.

Nowadays it seems more like a sort of zero-sum game where the winner is the one sought-after and the loser is the one doing the seeking. This is a game measured by empty arrows, read receipts, time stamps and so on, which, make no mistake, the creators of these messaging apps are well aware of.

I don’t want to be a winner or loser in this situation, to me there is no game to be played here. Are you messaging because you’re questioning how you feel and you want to somehow reaffirm something? Is it just a message to see if any response is achieved? And once you get a response …. then what? Will you go back to your own life again, the one where I’m not a feature.

Or maybe your name is popping back up on my phone because you’ve missed the communication, maybe you miss me? Maybe you want to know if I miss you too?

But you know how I know I’m no longer bothered? I’ll double message you …. when I actually care I get so worried about someones opinions and them thinking I’m needy, I avoid sending two messages in one go at all costs, like excessive communication with someone you genuinely care about is a bad thing (how ridiculous) but surely it’s good to feel needed?

So yes, I’ve missed seeing you name pop up on my phone, but now it’s back again I’ve realised I didn’t actually miss it in the way I thought I would at all.

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Narcissistic Millennials

It seems like we all just pass the time by finding someone to waste our time on these days.

We’ll scroll through Hinge or Bumble or any one of the many dating apps we have available to us and find that one person who’s name will fill our phones for the next few weeks or months and then just as modern dating has taught us is acceptable, it fades out and we take on our “thank you, next” approach.

I don’t even think we bother taking the time to process the impact each of these fleeting people have had on our lives for a little while …. but we don’t need to, there are thousands more just like them at the tap of our finger.

Us people in our 20’s and 30’s seem to be happy when we have someone to go back and talk to when we’re bored, we’re like creatures of habit. Having constant attention off of one person makes us feel good and wanted, but we’re not phased if the source of that constant attention keeps changing, as long as we have someone making our phones go off like we’re wanted. It’s when our phones go quite that we realise we’re bothered ….

Having the ability to speak to as many single (and some not) people as we want to makes us feel good. Like we have a lot of power by being able to pick and choose who we speak to based on not knowing them at all, but maybe this whole practice is just turning us all into narcissists?

We’ve been give the ability to decide within a matter of seconds whether someone is worthy of us having a conversation with them purely based on the way they look and if that isn’t narcissistic then I don’t know what is!

If no one has slid into our dm’s following our recent selfie, we get offended, but for the people who do slide into our dm’s … well we ignore them obviously. Why would someone try and contact us just based on our “fire” selfie? How rude, they don’t know us like that.

Seriously … what is wrong with us all. It seems like no one can do anything right when it comes to trying to speak to the person they like the look of. We laugh at people for putting themselves out there and “trying” but at least they haven’t been sucked into this narcissistic lifestyle where no one is good enough.

If online dating has taught us all anything … it’s how to have egos bigger than our hearts. It hasn’t taught us any valuable lessons about love.