Place Holders And Time Wasters 

Why do we do it? Hold out for the person that’s bad for us? We wait for the day they turn around and tell us they made a mistake and secretly we’re what they’ve always wanted. Why do we feed ourselves that kind of rubbish?

But that leaves me thinking ….

Maybe they’re all just place holders, these guys, the ones that have been so charming and so egar to get my heart? Maybe, just maybe if I’m honest with myself I can accept that and accept that fact that my heart will always partially belong to you, even when I’ve hated you and even when you’ve treated me like nothing, but that’s just how it is isn’t it? The ones who break us tend to keep parts of us.

Why is that? Why can’t I fall for the guy I’m seeing, why can’t I let him love me. But what if I don’t want to, what if I don’t see the point because I know all I’m doing is wasting his time by letting him temporarily fill your space.

Fuck …. This sucks. I don’t get the same feelings from them that I did with you, it doesn’t feel like my skin sets alight when they touch me like how it did with you. I wish I could feel even half of what I did with you with someone else, that addictive sexual chemistry.

That’s probably why I haven’t slept with any of them …. I don’t even want to. Or maybe it’s because I don’t want you to think you can’t have me back as damaged goods? Maybe you won’t want me if someone else has had me? No it’s not that. It’s because I’m waiting for the chemistry that I had with you.

I’m wondering if you’ve found someone who craves you like I did … who wants you all the time like I did. You could give me one look across a table and know that id want to rip your clothes off right then and there, I don’t think there’s a lot of girls who would be like that years into a relationship.

A part of me will always be with you and it sucks to admit that but maybe that’s what you wanted when you broke me?