Month: September 2017

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That Goddamn Spark!

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The spark, it’s addictive as f**k!

How to describe the spark: there are about 30 people in a room and then the person who you have a ‘spark’ with walks in …. suddenly everyone disappears, you can both feel the ‘spark’ but neither of you will admit it, you’ll both be having a normal conversation but at the same time be fumbling around your own words aware of this weird feel between you both, even if you’re in a group of people talking about the most mundane thing in the world!

Maybe you feel like if the two of you touch you’ll burst into flames, because the ‘spark’ can very easily ignite into a flame and once you’ve been burned there will be no going back! That bloody spark is the most addictive thing in the world and when you find that you have it with someone, you’ll never want to let it go.

I never thought i’d feel a spark with anyone else, after the last one I felt basically burnt me into the ground! But yet I can guarantee now that if I was in the same room as my ‘old flame’ that stupid spark would still be there with him too, not out of choice either because I couldn’t hate anyone more than I hate him, but it seems you can’t get rid of chemistry (sadly)

I think I would rather have a slow burn with someone that a spark, a spark that creates magnetic energy that neither of you can really hide from, it makes your skin feel alive when they accidentally touch you, you can quite literally feel the goosebumps appearing and the tiny hairs on the back of your neck stand on end …. and if no ones touch has ever done that to you before then I feel sorry for you because its the most intoxicating feeling imaginable.

Chemistry is a strange thing, because even when you don’t want it .. it’s there raising it’s ugly head in the name of sheer undeniable longing to have someone’s skin on yours and I don’t just mean in a sexual way, I mean in any way possible even just having their hand touch your arm.

It’s crazy, or should I say it makes you crazy, when your body is not playing ball with your mind you want to be able to play things cool and remain level headed but when that spark happens … there is no chance of playing things cool. Looking at someone and knowing they want what you do but neither of you will admit it, well it’s tricky knowing that inevitably the spark is going to cause some lasting damage that you’ll be able to feel for a very long time.

So to summarise … the goddamn spark is addictive as f**k but you can’t really do anything about it, because chemistry is something that no one is in control of!

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He Knows Me Better Than I Know Myself

When you find someone knows you better than you know yourself sometimes it’s scary.

I love him because he will randomly and for no reason at all send things that just ‘remind him of me’ and when I realise how accurate it is, I think maybe I find myself surprised at how touched I am, by the fact that he has sent me something that I know relates to a side of me that I try to keep hidden from everyone. Maybe I thought that no one could see it … not even the guy who I’ve been dating now for over a year would related something so personal to me, so maybe he doesn’t know the real me at all? Maybe he hasn’t put the time into learning about the real me at all.

But then the guy who knows me so well, maybe he’s trying to make me understand that he truly see’s me for me and he doesn’t think it’s a bad thing, he doesn’t run away because I’m evasive and scared of my own feelings, he just sticks around and helps me through the moments when I’ve let my emotions get the best of me, when I’ve turned into an over reacting mess.

Maybe he’s the first one to see the real me and not get scared .. so maybe I’m scared?

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Ex’s and … Oh’s

 

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An oh … you know that sound you make at the front of the mouth and you can use it to show a wide range of emotions, like surprise, shock, regret, disappointment, resounding happiness at the outcome of a situation … I believe that’s a good enough list to show what I mean by a rage of emotions.

But Ex’s and Oh’s … now that really can be a WIDE rage of emotions, like, ‘oh, you mean he didn’t get hit by a car like I dreamed last night, thats a shame’ or ‘oh, holy s!?t we can actually be friends, without wanting to murder each other, or sleep with each other .. WIN’

Today I am writing about the second kind of ‘oh’ because I think theres only so much I can write about wanting some of my ex’s to get hit by a car *insert serious side eye face here for dramatic effect* giphy-3

So picture this, childhood sweethearts, never thought anything would tear them apart because they were all they ever needed and thats all that mattered! … Cue university annnnd growing up annnnd realising that if you were with the same person from the age of 15 to forever that you would probably end up murdering them by the time you were in your 30’s and suddenly the childhood sweethearts were no more. Add in a few drunken post break up shags and almost getting back together and the ‘oh’s’ are starting to sound more like awkward drawn out sudden realisation kind of sounds, you know the ones I mean right? Like the kind of ‘oh’ you say when you’ve caught on to a joke way later than you should have.

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Now we skip five years down the line and the childhood sweethearts actually enjoy talking to each other *shocked gasp sounds made here* but not in like a ‘we are going to get back together and it will be the most romantic story ever’ kind of way, more like a I’m genunily interested in what you are doing with your time these days type of vibe. So this ex’s oh … is more like a surprised kind of ‘oh’ as in … ‘oh, I didn’t realise we could ever genuinely be friends with each other, this is a nice turn of events’

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So this leads me to a question, surely all ex’s and their oh’s are different?