Month: June 2015

Is Stubbornness My Defence Mechanism?

taurus-dont-like-to-be-misunderstood-i-am-not-being-14247161
I can openly admit to being a stubborn person. I feel the need to protect my opinions and my thoughts at all costs and not only this, when I am wrong admitting it seems to actually hurt my soul.
But be warned, being stubborn can ruin chances for you and it can also ruin relationships.

Try as I might to be open-minded and reasonable, I find it hard to take criticism. On an intellectual level, I understand there is no animosity from the individual who gives me constructive feedback, but I can’t help but experience an emotional reaction to it anyway, this brings me to the conclusion of my stubbornness just hiding my defensiveness.

Stubborn people are driven by a resistance to being forced into doing or experiencing anything against their will. I don’t want to go through the emotions I feel when I’m being criticised , so I make an excuse, and tell myself that I can’t be wrong and don’t need to change.

But I’ve figured something out …. the best way to reduce defensiveness in the long term is through creating a sense of self-worth. The more you value yourself, the less you will feel an instinctual “need” to protect your ego and I know I can say for sure that I always feel a need to protect myself.

But I’m trying to remember everyone makes mistakes, and everyone is wrong sometimes and when I find myself in situations where I am being stubborn or defensive unnecessarily then I need to remind myself it is ok to be wrong.

Listening to others side of the story of other opinions is very important. And listening is something I will find hard especially when I know it is going to lead to criticism.

Stubbornness and defensiveness are some of the worst, personality traits to have, yet they seem to be incredibly common. In fact, everyone experiences at least occasional instances of each (some people more than others) and I can openly admit to being one of these people.

But it’s something that can be worked on and I personally will be focusing on trying to better myself by reducing my shut down method of dealing with criticism.

Feeling Invisible 

 
I love every part of you intensely and uncontrollably and I can say that with a certinity I’ve never had for anything before in my life.

But when I become invisible to you that love disappears so far into the background it’s hard to hold on to, I will do everything I can not to hate you but it’s so hard when you look at me as if I was someone you’ve just walked past on the street and you vaguely remember meeting once or twice, it really hurts me when I can’t see that you love me.

I hate how pathetic and insignificant I feel when you talk to me the way you do when you’ve been drinking. And I’ve never asked you not to drink, I would never be that unreasonable. But when I beg you not to get drunk and you don’t listen, it feels as if you don’t care. If you did .. I wouldn’t have to beg you not to do something. Why would you get that drunk knowing that when you do, you treat me so badly, you make me feel hurt and invisible.

I would never make you feel like that by choice, if I became like that when I drank. I would never become that intoxicated around you, because I love you and I would always want you to feel valued and important to me.

I have pleaded with you not to do something and you still do it, that makes me feel so undervalued and so unimportant. I love every part of you the same except for when you’re not you anymore, when you don’t look and me and speak to me as if I’m the most valuable part of your life, when that disappears I find it difficult to look at you in the same way, when I know you can hardly look at me at all.

When you get drunk you’re not you anymore. Not the you I know and that I fell in love with, when you look at me with no kind of respect it hurts me to know I still love you when it feels as though you’ve forgotten that you love me.

It hurts me when you don’t care. And when you drink .. you no longer care. Although, when I’ve begged you not to get like that and you haven’t listened it’s hard to work out how much you cared in the first place.

I love you, but not the version you become after having an excessive amount to drink.